Starting to worry about Christmas...

[mama2004]

My ds will be three in April. We do Christmas eve at my il's house (a bajillion people--first at great grandma's, then down the road to grandma's where it's just us and sil/bil/cousin). Last year, we had bad weather, and so didn't get to the family until a few days after Christmas.

This year is the first that ds is much aware of Christmas stuff. I was raised in a conservative christian home so the emphasis was on the religious nature of Christmas, but we don't/haven't done anything at all religious/spiritual with our boy and don't have plans to. I don't want to turn Christmas into a festival of getting, though, and ds has said that he already has nice toys (true) and doesn't need more. We got him four gifts that are pretty simple and dh and I have gifts to exchange. My mother sent four gifts for ds, and more for dh and I, and I don't know what my mil and gmil will have for ds.

When I look at the piles of gifts that have accumulated here, I'm worried that it's going to be overwhelming and that ds will end up thinking that Christmas is about getting piles of stuff. I think the gift giving/getting part is fun, but I don't want it to be such a big deal. It is not unusual for ds to be able to choose a new book if we happen to be at a bookstore, or to come home with a small toy (small car or similar) if he's been out with dh, but we don't make a habit of piling up gifts for any reason, and most of the larger things we have (train tracks mostly) have been gathered slowly and at random times.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for how to handle the sudden influx of toys (the ones I know about are nice, simple, good quality things that will last for years and are a blessing to have)? At this point, I'm almost thinking of just setting aside the gifts that we got for ds and getting them out, one at a time, on restless afternoons or something--he can open gifts from grandparents on Christmas Eve/Christmas that way. Even the stocking that I have for ds (three small books, some stickers and two matchbox cars) is more than we have ever given him at once and is looking like too much to me. I was also thinking that dh and I could open all but one or two of our gifts after ds is in bed on Christmas Eve, but that feels a little dishonest, or something.

What do the rest of you do? I don't want to be grinchtastic about this time of year, and I am regretting that I didn't make more of an effort to involve ds in some charity work this year; it's definitely something I'm going to focus on for next year. Maybe I'm a bit at odds, too, because we don't have a spiritual context for this (or other) holidays.

[claras_mom]

Let him open gifts at his own pace. If that means the opening process lasts until 12th night, so much the better.

Make sure the days (particularly Christmas Eve and Christmas Day) involve things other than eating and opening presents. Take time for a snowball fight or trip to the park...whatever the climate permits. Watch a video together (if you do videos). Anything to reemphasize being together as a family.

[snoopy5386]

DD will be getting a ton of presents for christmas (mostly from extended family, she will get about 8-10 from us/santa including her stocking). She is VERY excited, but I still think to her Christmas is not all about getting gifts. Both last year and this year she only asked for 1 thing. We've spent the whole month doing Christmas things including lots of giving - giving toys to charity, food to the food bank, pet food to the animal shelter. We've also made tons of cookies to give away to the folks in DH's office and neighbors, ornaments to give to family and had fun shopping for a gift from DD to DH (as well as shopping with DH to get a gift for me). We've also made a gingerbread house, gone sledding, watched christmas movies, cut down and decorated a tree, gone to a local amusement park for a christmas celebration, gone to a train garden, etc. I'm trying to make the season about lots of different things and start as many christmas traditions with her as possible. I hope that is what she will remember as she grows up. Tomorrow (christmas eve) we'll have gingerbread waffles for breakfast, go to a museum in the inner harbor and out to lunch. We did this last year and it was great fun (and very empty). I hope to do this every year and add in going ice skating when the kids are older. On christmas day we'll have homemade cinammon rolls for breakfast, open gifts, have a big dinner and go to the movies. Again I hope to do this every year. Then the following day we'll go visit family for 5 days. During those visits we'll of course exchange gifts, but I hope she'll grow up and remember spending time with family more than the gifts.

Last year when she was two she got nearly 100 presents including 4 stockings from all of her extended family. She really took it all in stride and had lots of fun opening the gifts, loved the unwrapping didn't care so much about the stuff. I was horrified, but managed to take it in stride. When we got home I was able to either put away or give away many of those gifts with no adverse effects. I am working on the family to give less (she is the only kid in the family) but getting tons for Christmas hasn't made her into a spoiled brat so far and I will do my damnest to keep it that way.
I also agree with the advice to let him open gifts at his own pace. Two years ago it took DD several days to open gifts and that was perfectly ok with us. I absolutely think you should give him the things you bought for him. I refuse to let my extended family spoil my chance to get gifts for my child and to see the joy on her face from the things I choose for her. Trust me you will be able to have your DS open gifts and then put them away for a rainy afternoon. He is only two, let him have fun opening presents and watching you and DH exchange gifts I promise it won't ruin him forever.

What do you remember most about Christmas as child? Does that affect how you are feeling about your DS and Christmas?

[NellieKatz]

We were the same way with our son. For the first few years things were real simple for him, just a few toys and mostly he just wanted to play with the boxes anyway...but now he's six. But regardless of how many he gets, there are always favorites that he gravitates to, and the rest, as soon as we get home I put them up in the closet (he doesn't miss them) and I do bring them out during the course of the year as his interests change, and/or when he hits a bored patch.

One thing we did with him that I think is smart and keeps him from getting a case of the "Christmas greedies" is (a) he doesn't watch regular kids' TV and therefore is rarely exposed to commercials (b) we're lucky he's homeschooled and our circle of friends is pretty un-materialistic anyway, so "the latest trends" or "the latest toys" mean zero to him and (c) we NEVER "built up" Christmas for him ahead of time. Never tried to talk-up Santa or get him excited about the holiday; we let him feel his OWN emotions on that. We NEVER say the phrase (if he's asking for something in a store) "well, wait for Christmas" or "Maybe Santa will bring it" so he has never made that association either. So he's pretty mellow about the holiday and always has been. We've never said there WAS a Santa; but we never said there wasn't either. It's up to what he believes. A few months ago he was thinking about it and told us there wasn't any Santa; but tonight he was in his room talking after lights-out...when I asked, he said "I'm talking to Santa on the phone." Ha!! Go figure. He's pretty excited about Christmas coming.

Anyway yes, to more directly answer the question you asked, I'd say put lots of the toys away for later....you know, the ones he won't miss whle he's playing with his favorites. Then it's fun all over again when you take them out and show him in January or July or whenever!

[trillian11]

I was just going to post something very similar!! We're really struggling with the influx of gifts we're receiving for our 20 mo son from far away grandparents.

My .02, I don't think there's anything wrong with delaying giving some of these gifts. I want DS to enjoy playing with some of what he gets and not constantly changing his focus to opening the "next" thing. And if that means that he doesn't open something from his grandparents until his birthday in 4 months, I guess I think that's our prerogative as parents to decide. Am I way off base here??

I've read a lot of these threads about how much you can dictate to others what they can give your kids, and I generally agree that you can't (though you might offer suggestions) -- but that once a gift is in your house, you can decide to give it away, return it, or only bring it out on special occasions (like when the giver visits )

We had really been looking forward to giving Charlie some small gifts that we knew he'd really appreciate, and then huge things started coming in the mail -- a tricycle, an enormous ride-on horse, and literally a 10' long plastic roller coaster. In a sense, while we appreciate the thought and how excited I'm sure they are about their gifts, we were feeling a bit "upstaged". (Well, there are other issues here too -- an idea that my alcoholic in-laws are overcompensating for some difficulties we've had this past year with them). I think we've made peace with everything but this crazy roller coaster. It's the rainy season here, so it won't get much use outside right now, and we have NO space for it indoors. It would have to sit out on our front deck for the next several months and would be the first thing you see when you pull up to the house. We are in a rental and have no yard...it will honestly be a struggle just finding room to store the box, so we're not sure what to do. My DH wants to just go ahead and give it to him and then tell the grandparents in a week or two absolutely no more large gifts for our kids. Not to hijack your thread...I'm just right there with you Oy.

[mama2004]

Yeah, we haven't talked up Christmas or Santa (dh actually started joking about "Christmas Bats" before ds was even born, and it's stuck; we made bat shaped salt dough ornaments and the Christmas Bats are responsible at least for his stocking, not that ds even knows what that is at this point) at all and no t.v., so I think that helps. In stores, ds has seen and heard me often enough looking at something that catches my eye and then saying something like, "but that's not what we need/came here for today" and then that's it. He actually did that himself the other day at the grocery store.

My dh and I are not really festive holiday people, and I come from a long line of painfully pragmatic people (not that it's rubbed off on me that much), so I never believed in Santa, and Christmastime was more about winter weather and time off school and that sort of thing. I don't remember any awesome Christmas gifts/experiences, but I don't want to deny ds the opportunity to have his own feelings about this holiday, it's just started to creep up on me that he has a lot of really nice toys, and he's going to be getting what is to our family a landslide more, all at once. I guess I'll follow his lead, and those of you who have pointed out that things can be tucked away for later, whether they've been opened or not are absolutely right. It's doubtful that he will have eyes for more than one or two things, really, and if the rest are out of sight for a while, they will most likely be out of mind, too. I've just been feeling anxious about not setting this up as a big get-fest; so far, our guy isn't really acquisitive, but I'd like to encourage that mindset, not undermine it. I'm also a bit at a loss as far as trying to establish our own fun/meaningful holiday traditions when I don't have much to draw on.

trillian11, holy cow, you have my sympathies on the rollercoaster. I bet your ds will love it, but what a monster to have to keep around!

[Kailey's mom]

Last week, I made it a fun activity to go through my daughter's toys with her, and to put as many toys as possible in a bag to give to charity ( since I already know she is going to be bombarded with gifts for Christmas) so those are already in the trunk of my car and out of the house. Once I explained how much it would make another family happy, and how good of a job she was doing (constant praise of each toy she put in the bag) it was a good experience for both of us.

We are Christian, we don't go to church though.. but that's not what it's about imo. For this reason I'm making it a point to make Jesus a birthday cake, actually my daughter and I are going to make it.. that way she can connect Christmas with Jesus' birthday, and not presents. It's so commercialized!!! Even the family has fallen into the commercialization of Christmas. It's okay, but I'm with you, I don't want her to think it's all about the presents.

Next year, or maybe the year after, when dd can understand more, I would like to take her to volunteer and do some hands on things for the holidays.. even passing out gifts would be wonderful so she can see that it is a wonderful feeling to give.

For this Christmas, My advice would be to go with it... if you end up with an overflo of toys, you can always go through toys together for the children who didn't recieve anything for Christmas

[Super_mommy]

Let your son open those gifts, Stock some gifts and take it out later... Don't pile them up in front of your DS... He may tend to lose interest in toys..

[darcytrue]

It was this way when mine were younger but in the last few years the grandparents have calmed down somewhat. We already visited my dad this year for Cmas and they only gave my kids 2 gifts each. I loved that and DS (my oldest) got cash so that was good. He is saving his money up for a car or college so that helps. I'm hoping the other grandparents do as well and don't go overboard and I'm thinking they will. DH and I didn't get them much this year either, just 3 gifts each and gift cards to a favorite place each. We have a 3 month old and I'm starting her out different and not giving her a ton of stuff at Cmas like I used to do with my older kids.

So yeah, it's possible to change and kids don't necessarily get used to getting a lot. IMO if you get two or three things they really, really want then it won't matter anyway.

[jenfl]

DH and I have been giving some thought to this for our 2.5 year old... I think we'll have some more conversations after DH sees how much my parents have bought for DD.

Our biggest change this year is to spread things out. We had a celebration with DH's mom/step-dad/sister when we visited them a few weeks ago, we'll do a few presents Christmas eve lunch with DH's dad/partner, LOTS of presents with my parents on Christmas eve, and then a smaller celebration for the 3 of us on Christmas morning.

So, yeah, DD will have a nice Christmas this year -- but she's currently the ONLY grandkid on both sides. I'm hoping spreading things out will give her time to enjoy her presents before blowing through to the next. But I don't really want to get rid of the pile-o-presents. I loved that about Christmas when I was a kid, and I feel like I turned out ok.

I think what I'd like to change for next year is to try to encourage DH's side (who aren't well-off financially) to put their money into one or two nicer or handmade toys, instead of a pile of things from the dollar store. The two huge boxes of plastic that had to get mailed home to us and are now sitting, untouched, in our bedroom are an annoyance to me.

[snoopy5386]

to the poster with the rollercoaster - we have that toy and while I agree it is a total eyesore, it is a great toy all the kids who come here LOVE it and so does DD. It just lived in our driveway for the past 6 months, I packed it up a couple of weeks ago for the winter.

[darcytrue]

Originally Posted by trillian11

We had really been looking forward to giving Charlie some small gifts that we knew he'd really appreciate, and then huge things started coming in the mail -- a tricycle, an enormous ride-on horse, and literally a 10' long plastic roller coaster.

where does the roller coaster come from? It sounds so neat. I think I saw one a while back on a You Tube video. My DD loved it. She is real in to roller coasters right now.

[snoopy5386]

http://www.step2.com/product.cfm?product_id=1104

[trillian11]

I know...I'd toyed with the idea of returning the roller coaster until I saw Amazon's reviews of it (152 reviews, 5 star average). It does sound like kids love it. If only it could collapse a bit more!

Any ideas on how to politely go about trying to set some limits on future years? Like, please don't go nuts on number of presents, and realize that we have about 1000 square feet and no garage, basement or yard so large bulky toys are difficult?

[sewchris2642]

Probably too late for this year but here's what I do: I don't buy gifts. I make Christmas jammies and buy little stuff for the stockings. Since we live in the same town as dh's mom, my parents, my sister, and my 2nd dd, my other sister and dh's brother and his family only lives 30 miles away and dd #3 lives 90 minutes north of us, the girls and now Dylan have always gotten a lot of presents. So dh and I cut down on what we buy. We reserve our gifts for birthdays as they are more immediate family than extended family.

[trillian11]

(Just in case anyone's looking at that Step2 roller coaster...it was a HUGE hit. Charlie said, "Roller coaster fun! Happy!" He loves it, so the eyesore is definitely staying )