Why so important?

[sgmom]

When researching EC...

I keep reading about how important is it to not let your LO sit on a potty for more than a few minutes, and that timing is crucial (meaning sit them on when they need to pee, not just at random times). Obviously this is regarding reading body language.

I also read conflicting information (or maybe not so conflicting?) about sitting them on the potty at regular times. When waking, after meals, before/after bath, and before bath, and don't worry about the rest of the times.

I'm a little confused about this information... Anyone?

[pixiepunk]

well, i think that most EC'd kids, if they need to go at all, will go pretty quickly once they're sat down. so if they don't go, they probably don't need to. i think EC'ers are often confused by uneducated outsiders with punitive early potty learners of yester-year, and this is one crucial way to distinguish ourselves - we don't make our kids sit on the potty until they produce the result the we want. little potties used to have seat belts to hold the kid down on them. i actually have a book i got at a second-hand store that has a picture of a kid on one. EC is about communication, so when they communicate "i don't need to go" by doing nothing on the toilet after a minute or so, we acknowldge that and go on about our day. i also think it has the potential to really confuse the kid, and break down communication. if you have them sit frequently and for long periods when no pottying occurs, they are not as likely to make the connection between sitting on the potty and releasing their pee/poo.

as for the advice to try certain times... i think those are just ideas of times when most kids already have a need, suggestions for folks trying to get in the EC groove. i mean, i always have to pee when i wake up, most people do. and if i don't pee before getting in the shower i always wish i had once the water starts running so those are good times to try since it's likely to be a productive attempt. i don't think you have to try *all* of those, or to do them every day or anything, i think they're just times when lots of kids do need to go, so they're good times to try and see if your kid is one who has to go at that time.

i also think it depends on the age of your baby,and whether you've been doing it a while or whether you're just starting out. For instance, trying at usual times (upon waking, etc) when i started EC with my first when she was 9 months old was really important to us both - it helped her to immediately start making associations between sitting on the potty and peeing/pooing, and helped encourage me in the process because we were 'successful' and were getting results. where as if i'd just randomly plunked her down and sat there for 30 minutes a handful of times during the day, it might've been weeks before we had a catch, because she would have no idea why i was sitting her there and would be much less likely to go. she wouldn't have made those associations very quickly, and i would've probably gotten tired of trying and getting nowhere.

with a newborn it's a little less important... i mean they pee and poo constantly so no matter when you try you're probably going to have a catch and thus, they're making those connections from the beginning and it's so ingrained by the time they're more consciously aware of things that it's not likely to confuse them if you sat them on the potty sometimes when they didn't need to go.

is that kind of what you were looking for?

[sgmom]

Thanks Pixie. I think that's partly what I'm looking for, but it didn't really give me any answers regarding my own personal experience EC'ing my daughter.

Another question is why potty seats used to have seat belts, and nowadays they encourage the kid to get off whenever they get tired of sitting.

[nynjtex]

I think it depends on the baby a little. My 9 month old dd will go pee if she has to when put on the potty within a few seconds. But after a meal, she almost always goes poop, so we are in the habit of putting her on after she eats. She will sit there for 5 minutes or more sometimes (happily of course, if she isn't happy, we take her off) before she does anything and then a lot will come out. So, if you know your baby has to go, and they are happy to sit there on the potty (chewing toys is what ours does) then I say why not let them sit for a bit.

[hrsmom]

I'm guessing that the seat belts were to force the little one to stay on the seat. My own child has resisted the potty so strongly and adamantly (and even somewhat violently, if I remember correctly) that I can see where people would use seatbelts. I think it's horrible, but that would have been the only way to keep my LO on the potty at certain times. (Were I of a mind to force her to sit there.) Does that make sense? I know from chatting with you that your LO doesn't always seem to mind sitting on the potty. Maybe she wouldn't have been a seat belt candidate in olden times.

[sgmom]

My daughter will happily sit on her potty for well over half an hour if there's something interesting enough to keep her there. And she OFTEN walks over to it and sits down all by herself. Sometimes she grabs a book before going to sit on it (which I find hysterical, in itself).

[pixiepunk]

Originally Posted by sgmom

My daughter will happily sit on her potty for well over half an hour if there's something interesting enough to keep her there. And she OFTEN walks over to it and sits down all by herself. Sometimes she grabs a book before going to sit on it (which I find hysterical, in itself).

well, she's not old enough for the newspaper yet

for me it all boils down to respect. in this case, respecting what your child needs WRT elimination. So perhaps yours needs to sit a spell before she can relax enough to go, and you should respect that. my DS liked to use the potty as a chair and sit and watch sesame street on it sometimes. he'd go to the bathroom and drag it into the living room and plop himself down. he usually did have to eliminate, and he usually did it pretty quickly, but he stayed on the potty for sometimes quite a while : i didn't stop him because he was happy, and it wasn't doing any harm. my girls have both been very utilitarian about the potty - sit down, git-r-done, get up, let's go. they don't want the potty in the living room. they'll go to the bathroom like everyone else, thank you very much. if my LO sits for more than about 60 seconds, then she has to poop. even then it's not more than a minute or two before she does that, then hops right up, does her downward facing dog so i can wipe her, and off she goes down the hall before i can even get her pants back on

IMO seat belts to strap babies down to potties is not respectful. if they want to sit there, they'll stay there just fine without one. a little gentle encouragement with a toy or a book to help them relax enough to go, IMO, respects the child too - realizing that they need that help and providing it. but if they don't want to stay there, they should be allowed to get up. even if you know they have to pee/poo. i personally find it abusive to strap a child down to anything. honestly i even hate doing it in the car but of course i do because in that instance staying alive trumps wanting to move about the car. but when they protest the carseat it feels horrible to put them in it anyway, especially when they're not yet old enough to understand why.

I think it's important to remember that each child is his/her own person. they're going to have their own style, their own way of doing things, their own way of approaching life's chores and challenges. so all of the books and websites and such that suggest different approaches are just trying to give us ideas that will help us discover what our own individual child needs. ultimately, though, it's up to us to put the puzzle pieces together. nobody knows better than mama what her child needs and how best to provide for that need.

[sgmom]

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

my girls have both been very utilitarian about the potty - sit down, git-r-done, get up, let's go. they don't want the potty in the living room. they'll go to the bathroom like everyone else, thank you very much. if my LO sits for more than about 60 seconds, then she has to poop. even then it's not more than a minute or two before she does that, then hops right up, does her downward facing dog so i can wipe her, and off she goes down the hall before i can even get her pants back on

That is TOO CUTE!

[sgmom]

It just occurred to me...

Does maybe not allowing your child to sit for more than a few minutes at a time, help build bladder control at an earlier age, or faster than just using routines?