8 yo still bfing

[karika]

I came across this video somehow and I think it is beautiful. The mother expresses herself well and it does not seem as if the makers of the piece are judgemental. I was very pleased with it. However, the comments are unbelievable. So many ill equipped persons speaking out in ignorance of the situation. I am going to share this here, and in lactivism. Love to all!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxv6R9fUO74

[mammal_mama]

Hi! I saw this thread a couple of days ago (both here and in lactivism), but didn't post then 'cause I'd already seen the video and participated in a thread here about it a long time ago -- I think that thread was either in this forum or the lactivism forum.

I was glad to see your positive comment over at the youtube site!

I'm surprised some others haven't commented. I know it's "old news" to some of us -- but there are new mamas joining here all the time. I suppose with the holidays it just got overlooked -- or maybe some are commenting over at lactivism instead?

So since I'm bumping it back to the top now, hopefully it will get seen. And maybe some who haven't already seen it will watch it and comment now.

[bubbamummy]

I watched this documentory when it was on air in England-a good few years ago now. Really interesting.

Its suprising how ingrained the modern 'ideas' about breastfeeding are in our society.


It does irk me that it's tagged under 'comedy'

[runnerbrit]

I am for CLW but honestly, it made me uncomfortable. It may just be because societal pressures tell me that an 8 yr old should have other ways to soothe them self or that it is inappropriate; I don't know. I do want to be clear: I do not think there was anything sexual about the nursing I saw on the video.

I would not dream of saying that what they are doing is wrong or harming her daughter but I do wonder where the line is. Nursing at 9, 10, 11?

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by runnerbrit

I would not dream of saying that what they are doing is wrong or harming her daughter but I do wonder where the line is. Nursing at 9, 10, 11?

It's whatever both mother and child are comfortable with.

I do admire the woman's courage in allowing this information to be out on the internet.

Are England's child protection authorities different from the ones in some American states?

I've heard of some cases where children in some states here have been placed in foster care for still breastfeeding at like 4 and 6 -- and even of one horrid case in Texas where a child of about 1 was summarily snatched from her immigrant parents, and placed in foster care for a while, because they had a breastfeeding photo developed in a photo shop, and the developer thought the photo was sexual and reported it.

I've practiced child-led weaning -- but because of some of those awful interventions I'd heard about, only the people who we were comfortable with knew that our girls were still nursing beyond the age of 3.

Once I had a blog and I posted some stuff about my oldest still nursing a few years ago -- but when I told dh he asked me to delete that post, because he worried that someone could get worried and report us. And dd was younger than 8 then -- so it's pretty safe to say that WE wouldn't have felt safe being filmed by youtube, LOL.

[noobmom]

Is this the video of the mom with two girls? I think I've seen it before...

I do think it's very unusual for an 8 yo to be breastfeeding, but honestly, I didn't think I would be BFing a 3 yo while 37 weeks pregnant. You just can't say until you've been there yourself.

I once read a comment from a very wise mama who said something to the effect of, "You don't start out BFing a [insert whatever age here]. It's just a natural transition from BFing a baby, to a toddler, to a child." That sentiment resonates with me a lot now. Although DS doesn't need to be BF, I can tell he still gets a lot of comfort from it. And to this day, it's the one thing that can calm him down instantly. Other methods work, they just take more time (sometimes a lot more), especially when it's from something like waking up from a nightmare.

[runnerbrit]

Just as a note - ds nursed until just before his 4th b-day and dd is still going very strong at 18 months. So over all I am very comfirtablw with CLW.

But with a 10 yr old, an 8 yr old and an 18 month old I have seen the developmental shifts that happen with age.

The idea of my 8 year old (the one who nursed until almost 4) asking me to nurse is just waaay out of my realm. He has sleep overs, goes to the skateboard park, plays competitive basketball and is almost as tall as I am!

Also, emotionally, psychologically is there an age where it is no longer healthy for a child to be nursing?

[Porcelain Interior]

Her children really struck me as infantile in many ways. I think extended nursing is great, but this particular woman I felt was not wanting her children to age.

It didn't gross me out, but I found the relationship strange.

[aileen]

every so often this video gets posted; i don't really have an opinion about the video in particular. but i can imagine that if a camera crew came to my home when my daughter was still nursing (usually only once a day) at five and a half and we sat around talking about about nursing for hours/days she'd have nursed more fervently and obnoxiously than usual. also, having sat with a cameraman and producer from the today show and having a lovely, lovely conversation about ec and parenting in general for well over an hour (complete with my then 10 week old son peeing and pooping in the potty) and then seeing it all edited down to a visual of my toilet flushing and me saying "alot of the decision was for environmental reasons..." and a ped saying that "while it can't really HARM children, we'd prefer that parents spend this precious time READING to them, or something like that" i know never to draw conclusions or form opinions that i have absolutely no reasonable basis for from poorly edited video "news" stories. i don't know what those kids are like. and i didn't CLW my child so she'd turn out any certain way; i did it because she needed it and because it's biologically normal - and in her case the biological need was much greater than my home culture's need not to be icked out.

in answer to the question, "Also, emotionally, psychologically is there an age where it is no longer healthy for a child to be nursing?" i would answer absolutely not.

[mammal_mama]

aileen, I'm so glad for your response!

I strongly feel that my focus needs to be on meeting my children's needs and accepting them for who they are at every stage of life -- not on making them "turn out any certain way" (as you so wisely put it).

Depending on when you meet us, you may think one of my children is acting "infantile." And I've occasionally been accused of wanting to keep one of my children a baby.

I think some of this attitude is due to society's idea that "normal, healthy" mothers are in a hurry to get their children to wean and grow up. We're supposed to be in a huge hurry to get them past babyhood.

Whereas I see the stages as more overlapping. Sometimes an infantile need may last far into childhood, and that's okay.

[runnerbrit]

[QUOTE=mammal_mama;14863310]aileen, I'm so glad for your response!

I strongly feel that my focus needs to be on meeting my children's needs and accepting them for who they are at every stage of life -- not on making them "turn out any certain way" (as you so wisely put it).

I think some of this attitude is due to society's idea that "normal, healthy" mothers are in a hurry to get their children to wean and grow up. We're supposed to be in a huge hurry to get them past babyhood.
[QUOTE]


First, thank you for your replies. They are really making me think about the feelings I had after watching the video.

I agree that the focus should be on meeting a child's needs vs. having them "turn out a certain way". I guess my problem is that is nursing your 8 yr or older child truly meeting their needs or are you hindering them from developing other coping mechanisms. *This is speaking of a typical child not one with SN.

I am not in any way suggesting hurrying a child to wean but if your child has not weaned by 8 (in U.S. society) would you not wonder why?

Slightly off topic, but I was reading the thread about nursing an older child in public. I nursed in public until my children weaned themselves (and still do with dd). I am comfortable with it because I am confident that what I was doing was best for my child, even at 4. I can't say that I would feel the same at 8,9, or 10.

So, if you feel the need (assuming you were comfortable with NIP intially) to hide that your much older child is nursing are you then sending the message to them that what you are doing is wrong?

Sorry for the ramble, it was a long night last night.

[mammal_mama]

Originally Posted by runnerbrit

So, if you feel the need (assuming you were comfortable with NIP intially) to hide that your much older child is nursing are you then sending the message to them that what you are doing is wrong?

That's a good question.

In my case, all I knew was that I wanted my children to nurse for as long as they wanted to -- but I also didn't want some concerned person to call the child abuse hotline because they saw it as sexual abuse, or unhealthy in some other way.

I figured we were safe until about age 3 or so (based on an acquaintance, who was a foster parent, informing me that the "authorities" in our area consider breastfeeding to be "molestation" after the age of 3 ).

Sometimes I wonder if I should have braved it and kept doing it openly anyway. But with both my girls, it seemed like 3 was around the age when they started mainly being interested in nursing to go to sleep, or at times when we were home and there wasn't very much happening. So it honestly didn't come up that much when we were out and about.

[Peepsqueak]

This is quite interesting. I understand in various tribal communities this is common and acceptable. I think it is certainly better than thumb sucking. I have two children that were breastfed under a year and they both sucked their thumbs until second grade and I had to put those antithumb sucking devices in their mouth from the dentist. The oldest who breast fed for over a year never sucked his thumb.