My son breaks everything.

[Living Slowly]

I am so bummed. I know he is a kid and that things break, but he seems to break everything! I gave him a bunch of wood plan toys for his first birthday. Most were broken with in two-three months. He broke the door on his wood kitchen not long after we got it. Thankfully the maker replaced the door for free. I cried about that. The latest victim is his brand new wood hand made truck we bought for his birthday which was two weeks ago! He snapped off a wheel. Gah!

It does seem to be the things that I buy new and spend money on that he breaks. The thrifted wood firetruck I paid $1.25 for is fine as are the other cheap thrifted/yard sale toys.

I tell him a gazillion times a day to be gentle with his toys and that we have to take care of them. He has balls, tennis raquets and golf clubs from his dad that he can use to throw and be physical with since I know he needs to get out some energy. He just turned two though so I know he won't/can't remember to be gentle for very long.

Did anyone go through this with their young ones? Will it get better as he gets older. I just don't know if it is worth it to keep buying him nice toys if he is just going to break them.

[The4OfUs]

My kids break a lot of stuff too - not maliciously but because they're enthusiastic and sometimes, well, careless and impulsive (they're 3-1/2 and almost 6). It does bother me, but they *are* getting better with time. They're definitely better than they were a year ago.

I would probably plan for a while to just thrift stuff so it doesn't bother you as much.

[katemorrow]

You could tell him stories that involve being gentle with this toys and also take extra care to keep them organized and in their places. this seems to help kids develop some reverence for their things and offers an example of your gentleness towards them. my 2yo breaks a lot of things,too, though. lately it has been christmas ornaments more than anything else!

[LuxPerpetua]

My dd is 4 and is very gentle. We have places for all her toys, and we all play with them with reverence. With that said, the only toys that have ever broken at our house have been wooden ones, which is one reason why I don't share the "wood" love that so many Waldorf mamas have. We go for sturdy, so for some things that means cloth, some that means metal, some plastic (Schleich animals are GREAT!), some felt, and sometimes wood. I think it is far more harmful to creativity to be forced into using toys in certain ways ("only roll your truck on the ground, honey, not catapult it off the sofa") than in buying non-natural materials. I also don't think there is anything innately ugly about non-wooden toys (or at least the ones that don't beep and flash, etc.)--I think that this is a self-perpetuating myth that some Waldorfers say to reassure themselves that the $50 wooden truck they just bought was worth not using their money in other ways, like giving to charity or whatever "better" ways there are to spend money. I think there are some good reasons for buying wooden toys, the number one being that they are usually handcrafts of a local artisan, but there are also some good reasons not to buy them, such as they break easily and hurt a great deal when one is thrown during a tantrum. What we try to do is buy the nicest but, most of all, sturdiest version of whatever toy we're looking for, and at whatever price we think is reasonable, and preferably either second-hand or homemade--but the highest priority is that it be sturdy. I hate flushing money down the drain for any reason.

[katemorrow]

I am in enthusiastic favor of wooden toys. theyre pretty and theyre healthy for kids to play with and put in their mouths, but also because theyre sustainable. i hate plastic! i try to keep it out of my house! but ive had wooden teethers, toys and spoons break as well and its always annoying!

[Addy's Mom]

Mine does. He's just reaching the age I can reason with him on this. He was throwing a toy set the other day (one that's not meant to be thrown). It didn't break, but I was trying to quash the behavior that would lead to breaking, so I told him to stop or he'd lose it. He didn't stop; he lost it for two days. He's got it back for Christmas today and is a little gentleman with it.

He's almost 3. Before that, no, I couldn't show him any natural consequences (other than the toy is gone forever because it's broken). I just spent a LOT of time supervising and redirecting, which was fairly easy to do since I only have one child. If I had more, I think that part would be close to impossible. At least for me.

[counterGOPI]

*big hugs* We have had quite a few things broken here with from our girls, cats and/or dogs *sigh* BUT I am really noticing that it tends to be the pine things that keep breaking the most (our playstands and play kitchen - which we are saving the money to replace with better quality ones - wish I knew before i bought the pine ones ) The (sadly) more expensive toys seem to be the ones holding up better. Which of course is not fun b/c they are more of an investment. I wish I had more advice for you but I just couldn't read this and not offer some warm hugs!!

[sweetpeppers]

I know I shouldn't say this, but maybe it has to do with telling him a gajillion times to be careful with his toys. I mean, they are his toys, right? If he breaks them, then it's his problem. Don't buy expensive stuff, then you won't be so invested in the outcome. He's only two. Get him some car shaped blocks and other things that he can't break.

Another idea is to learn how to fix stuff your self. Wooden toys are great, because they are fixable. A broken plastic toy (of which many kids have whole basements full) is just busted, but wooden toys can usually be glued, sanded, replaced parts. A broken off wheel is no big deal, and can be easily repaired.

[habitat]

Two is difficult for toys. I'm always an advocate of non-commercial playthings. I think sometimes parents buy nice toys for themselves just as much as they buy them for their children, because they're so pretty! It's perfectly understandable that you want to give your child the best, but at this age especially, it sets up a certain contention between parent and child. There's this implication from the parent that, when kids play as they naturally do (and should), that the beautiful gifts aren't appreciated or well looked-after. There's a feeling from the parent that the child just "takes things for granted". There's also a demand that the child play a particular way with a particular thing, lest the parents get very upset. Developmentally, none of this makes sense. Your son just isn't ready to control his growing body's impulses to play naturally. Kids often play ROUGH at that age because that's what's developmentally appropriate, and it's not necessarily in anyone's best interest (his or yours) to make this a subject of stress.

My two cents would be to say that there's no reason you can't save the gorgeous handcrafted things for when he's old enough to take care of them. Maybe tuck his kitchen away until then? You'll be happy that you don't have to deal with all the breakages on such an expensive and precious item, which are obviously causing you anxiety. In the meantime, cardboard boxes, dirt, mud, water, sand, backyards, pillows, blankets, play silks, linens, fabric scraps, pots & pans, bubbles, leaves, snow, rain, trees, wide open spaces, finished blocks of wood, art supplies, shadow play and dress up clothes are all great developmentally-appropriate tools for play which each stimulate the child's imagination in a number of ways. In embracing natural toys, you've already acknowledged that creativity comes with open-ended play. A child who doesn't have a truck will easily find one in a block of wood. And you won't break into tears over a passionate moment in play!

[zoebird]

my guy is still little (15 mo), and certain "toys" we treat very carefully--his drum, ukelele (which is a real, expensive ukelele) in particular--but nearly everything else is basically indestructable.

we also don't own much. blocks and a stacking toy, tops, a wooden train (christmas gift from ILs), a few soft toys (animals), and various "kiddie" instruments. he isn't very gentle with these things.

but, he's really more interested in the list that habitat gave--and so that's where we are going with his toys at this age and over the next year or so. then we'll see where he wants to go.

i find that every 6 months, there's a change, a spurt in interest that clues me in to what he wants/needs.

[MamaFern]

i have a destructive child too. she doesn't break things as much as just make huge messes. everything has a home here, but that makes little difference when she is in her zone. unless im with her every second she has things completely upside down in moments. i hear you about the tears. i get So frustrated. the worst part is once she messes it all up, its a huge fight to get it back the way it was since she refuses to help tidy and goes on messing as i clean up.
we have had a few things broken, special things, but it has always been other peoples children. i find that very hard..
one suggestion, keep special toys put away until they ask, then have a safe place for them to play, say on a soft rug, so there is less chance of it getting smashed on a hard surface. i have to do this with our wooden jalu animals since a few were broken from dropping them on the floor.
this too shall pass.

[teamsalem]

My son has broken his wooden train and tractor (hardwood) quite a few times as well. He is 3.5 and has started to be slightly better recently, but he is still pretty rough on his toys. I was a bit heartbroken at first, too, but a lot of the stuff can be repaired with a new axle and some wood glue. I've taken a new perspective on it, I'm glad that he uses these items so much, and it brings me warmth to look at them and see how well-loved they are.

We've broken a lot of our Plan stuff as well, I don't think the quality on those is that great. When he was younger, I did just what Mama Fern is suggesting and put some stuff away to only be used while supervised. He still has some items that I won't allow him to play with unless I am right there watching him. It seems a shame to have to put some of them away, but hopefully he will be more careful with them when he is older.

[Living Slowly]

First, sorry to take so long to check back in. The holidays have kept me busy.

Second, sorry to be so whiny and melodramatic. I think I was having a moment of self-pity. I bought the birthday truck in June and waited six months to give it to him, so I think I was really attached to it. I try to keep the amount of toys to a real minimum - like if I can't clean up his playroom in 10 minutes or less, something has to go. So I try to put thought into each item I bring into his space.

Thanks for sharing and your input. I appreciate it. You all had a bunch of good suggestions.

I think this is a good opportunity for me to be a bit more Zen about things and not attach my emotions to physical objects so much. I also plan to buy more thrifted items so I don't worry about the money aspect so much.

I know he isn't destructive on purpose. I say he is going to be a scientist because he loves to test the theories of gravity, velocity and acceleration. It doesn't help that we have no carpet in the house at all. It's all hard wood and tile so that makes for a very hard landing when things are tossed around.

We do a daily clean up and he usually helps me put everything away. We even have a clean up song and when we are done he always says, "Tada! House beautiful Mommy." So I know he is learning to value and appreciate the things we have.

Two is difficult for toys. I'm always an advocate of non-commercial playthings. I think sometimes parents buy nice toys for themselves just as much as they buy them for their children, because they're so pretty!

Habitat - You make a great point. I think I want so badly for my kids to have a beautiful and magical childhood, including the beautiful things that I never had. Both my husband and I had pretty rough childhoods and I think that is part of the reason I am attaching myself to his things.

I had another opportunity to practice my reaction this morning. He dropped his new wood food bowl he got for Christmas and chipped the side. Sigh. It's just a bowl. I'll be okay.

[sarahgt]

Two is difficult for toys. I'm always an advocate of non-commercial playthings. I think sometimes parents buy nice toys for themselves just as much as they buy them for their children, because they're so pretty!

how very true. that's exactly what i do with my kids. i buy the toys coz i like them too! . always wooden toys over plastic ones for my kids, where possible. its simple really:

1) they break less compared to plastic. the make is always sturdier.

2) they're safer compared to plastic. dont want DS to start chewing on plastic.

3) they're more eco friendly than plastic. big win.

i've bought a few from this shop called Wooden Toys. And they have survived the abuse from the kids and have yet to break thank the lord. maybe try that as an alternative?

[zoebird]

we allow things to break.

call me passive about it or whatever, but that's life. things break. things get used. things get messy.

yes, DS has broken several wooden toys. Some we have been able to repair, and some we have not. When we have not, we have sanded any dangerous parts and let him play with it broken. if it breaks again, we repeat the process. these are his toys, and this is part of his learning.

he's now just about 3. toys are breaking less frequently. he has toys that he's more careful with than others now -- toys that he doesn't want to break or have to fix or have to make due with three wheels instead of four or what have you. He's starting to 'get it.' 

It's ok, truly. I know it's tough on us that the toy breaks in two weeks, but as long as it is not dangerous, he'll be fine playing with it broken. And eventually, he'll learn to care for his toys.

And FWIW, I know it's thrilling to have all of these wonderful toys for us, but kids don't need much. my son has a bucket of shells, a bucket of rocks, a basket of blocks, a basket of stuffed toys, a plane, helicopter, and train (4 cars), and one of those waldorf arch-block things. he also has a drum, harmonica, xylophone, several rattles, and ukulele (we do play it about 30 minutes a day) -- online lessons.

for his birthday, i'm planning on play silks and peg people. So, maybe pull back the toys that you want to keep nice and wait until he's old enough to play with them more carefully, and let the toys now be more open ended and less likely to break. :)

[Melaniee]

I feel your frustrations, and I like the ideas PPers have had. I just wanted to say I understand. I get so excited and attached to things, myself, that it's hard when they break. In our case my first was very gentle with everything. I really never had to tell him to be, he just was. We modeled it. So toys and books were passed down to my second looking new or nearly new. And then they were beat up like they lived in a waiting room.  It does get better as they age, though.

[VTmamadownsouth]

This won't make broken toys any less frustrating for you, but when I read the OP I thought "wow, at least her kid plays with the beautiful toys she buys him."  We haven't bought at ton of toys for DS (3 1/2), but there have been wooden architectural blocks, pegs, stacking blocks, trucks, a PLAN drum set, a work bench, a guitar etc, and most of them go entirely ignored.  If I don't play along with him he just follows me to whatever I'm doing. 

I always find it annoying when people one-up me with a similar, yet "worse" problem, but I can't resist saying this; maybe broken toys are just a sign that your DS is loving the stuff you gave him, and he's just a rough player.

[JudiAU]

My son (just turned four) is actually pretty gentle with his toys and I can't really recall any broken toys. I don't ever buy commercial toys and avoid MIC and plastic so most of it is sturdy/handmade. They get played with heavily, too. Missing pieces do annoy me though. Our Haba and Plan Toys have worn really well through two kids and most of the handmade/etsy stuff has too. (Some, not so much, especially pine or nice in theory but not in execution).

But, really, they are just toys. Buy simple and sturdy for now and try for less complex items with sturdier woods. Try to find used or if something isn't working out, store it or sell it on Craigs List.