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Advice please?

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
My 3.5 yr old has been challenging in many ways lately. I know that it is developmental. I'm trying to give him lots of love and support. I want to get some ideas for a very specific situation. We still nurse quite often (probably duration of 5 mins each time about 6-7x/day)and he has taken to having a "fit" every time I take him off- he is very persistent and yells and shrieks and kicks. If he gets physical or yells at me I warn him that he will have to get off my lap and then I do it. Sometimes it is extreme and I put him in another room until he calms down. I really can't stand being shrieked at, at the top of his lungs and grabbed and kicked etc. I am very firm and consistent after saying "no more". I don't back down but he still has a really hard time accepting it. I just want to know if you have any strategies for helping him accept the boundaries.He is like Jekyll and Hyde these days.

(I am NOT interested in increasing the nursing)
post #2 of 4
Ooooh, we have been there! Often I have found that delaying nursing a little bit until I feel like I can tolerate a longer time helps MY mindset a lot. Cheerfully saying, "sure, we'll nurse in 5 minutes" helps me get into the frame of mind necessary for nursing on days when I am kind of sick of it.

I have found that singing a song to count down until the end of a nursing session really works well. Asking the child which song you should sing helps too because if you sing the same song they can get anxious as you approach the end. Plus, it gives them a sense of control over the situation.

Singing a song instead of counting also helps me not feel annoyed or touched out because I am distracted as well. Being a little silly during the song can also change the dynamic as well. Kids pick up on our emotions, so often they sense our apprehension of the upcoming battle and it makes them feel out of sorts so they want what is comfortable.......nursing!

And contrary to the "stick to your guns" idea, occasionally asking a really distraught child if they need 5 more seconds can sometimes help them feel secure that nursing is there if they really need it.

Just some ideas of what has worked for us. Hope this stage passes quickly
post #3 of 4
I don't know if you would consider this increasing nursing, but when DD was around that age (maybe a little younger) I was tandem nursing with her brother and it was really hard for me to set aside a long time during the day for her to nurse. So she could nurse, but limited durations. One thing that really helped her is that she did have one very long nursing session a day. Each day before bed she could nurse as long as she wanted. So, during the day, if I needed her to nurse not as long I could say, "well you can nurse for a long time tonight" and it really reassured her and made it easier for her to make the other nursing times shorter. That said, that meant I NEEDED to set aside time each night for her to have that really long nursing session.
post #4 of 4
this is a HARD age. my DD weaned last spring (just after she turned 3) i don't know how i would have handled that on top of the normal 3 yr old stuff.. before she weaned, my DD also did well with singing countdowns and saying bye and putting the milk away (hooking my bra) herself.. (my 19 mo old also likes to 'put the milk away') i don't know why that makes/made it easier on them but it does.. when my 3.75 yr old is throwing those crazy screaming tantrums what normally helps her is being separated from other people in the house (DS, DH etc) but me staying with her and holding her or singing a song.. she likes me to 'hold her like a baby' and rock a little - which i imagine replaces nursing for her.. , she gets so out of control so fast that she doesn't know why she is freaking out..
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