Kids Who Pick Up After Themselves...

[nina_yyc]

Does anyone have them, and what is your miraculous secret?

OK, I don't think this would be bugging me as much if (a) we weren't stuck at home with a new baby in a 700sq ft apartment while it's been an average of -15C every day and (b) DD actually played with toys. I don't think toys strewn all over the house would bug me that much, but she is always moving furniture (mostly chairs to reach things), throwing couch cushions on the floor, pulling everything out of the closet, etc.

After going through the whole process of re-hanging the towels in the bathroom together, DD opted for quiet time in her room until she is ready to come out and learn to put the sheets back on the bed. I know how she feels...I am opting for MDC rather than sucking it up and doing it myself.

As I'm typing this I realize that setting up structured activities for DD at home, although it's totally not my thing, is probably LESS effort. Of course there's always letting the house go a bit, but like I said we are stuck in a small place all day right now...and inevitably my neat freak DH is gonna get home and start handing out time-outs if there's a mess (whole nother issue..)

NOTE: DD is certainly capable...you should've seen her pick up like a champ at daycare!

[unschoolinmom]

That's something my kids have been doing since they learned to walk (at 10 months). But, they have SPD and need a lot of organization in their lives and considering I live in organized chaos, they took it upon themselves to tidy up.

[chfriend]

At 3 with a new baby I'd feel lucky if they weren't pottying on the floor, much less picking up towels.

[anj_rn]

We have a few rules with regards to picking up:

1. We pick up all the toys and put them away every night.

2. When we play with someone else's toys, we pick up before we leave.

3. When there are too many toys out (mommy's call) we have to put some away before we get some more out.

We also sing songs while we pick up. I also have a "grabber," one of those long claw like things you can pick things off the floor with. DS loves me to hand him toys off the floor with the grabber and he takes them to put them away.

[unschoolinmom]

Originally Posted by anj_rn

We have a few rules with regards to picking up:

1. We pick up all the toys and put them away every night.

2. When we play with someone else's toys, we pick up before we leave.

3. When there are too many toys out (mommy's call) we have to put some away before we get some more out.

We also sing songs while we pick up. I also have a "grabber," one of those long claw like things you can pick things off the floor with. DS loves me to hand him toys off the floor with the grabber and he takes them to put them away.

I love the "Clean up" song from Barney and Friends! My kids sing it whenever they clean and I find myself sometimes humming it when I'm cleaning.

[pixiepunk]

we've got 5 people, 3 cats and a dog in about 1100 square feet, so i understand what you're dealing with. i dream of the luxury of a play room where it wouldn't matter if stuff was strewn about because i could just close the door. alas, we only even have one bedroom, so there's no place but the middle of the house for it all to go.

i think at that age (and IME several years older), they need a lot of direction, support, and help to pick up. we will sometimes have a 'race' to see who can pick up the fastest (of course we all win...) or we see how much we can do while our favorite song plays, etc. i also find that they do a lot better if i say, for example, "let's pick up all the wooden blocks" or "let's pick up all the play food" or "let's put the cushions back on the couch" instead of just "let's straighten up the living room." giving them each a job to do helps keep them focused, though i still might need to remind them 3x as they get distracted "hey, guys, i still see some blocks over there."

at preschool there is peer pressure, and wanting to please the teacher. there's also not being able to move on to the next activity until this one is cleaned up. and i do that sometimes, too - if my kids want to paint or watch a movie or whatever, i say sure - as soon as we pick up first so we have the space to do that.

and sometimes it's all too much trouble to hassle with, and i just do it myself

[mamazee]

At 3, I think it's more about creating a habit than anything else. 3-year-olds need a LOT of direction to get anything cleaned, and even then it's likely to involve your physical help. So do it very regularly so there never is too much and he gets used to things being neat, and then say very specifically what to do, "Let's put the blocks into this box." And then, "Now let's put the books up on the shelf." One thing at a time. But if you do it very consistently, you'll create a habit and he will grow to be used to things being picked up and to picking up as he goes. With my 7 (almost 8 now) year-old, I have to remind pretty often, but only gently, and she's pretty good about it. But I do have to gently remind her, as in, "I see cars are still on the floor and you're working on something else now." And she'll pick it up. I still try to be consistent to keep the habit going.

[heartmama]

I think this is the age when you instill the habit through repetition, but I don't think there is a magic way to get a 3 year old to actually remember every time without lots of help.

[LionTigerBear]

My five-year-old sometimes cleans up after himself and sometimes doesn't. We do have the "no new activity until the old one is cleaned up" rule (that we sometimes break ) but mostly I think they learn from example. I rarely "make" them clean up, I generally clean up their stuff with them or by myself, trying to set a cheerful example.

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by pixiepunk

i think at that age (and IME several years older), they need a lot of direction, support, and help to pick up.

Originally Posted by mamazee

At 3, I think it's more about creating a habit than anything else. 3-year-olds need a LOT of direction to get anything cleaned, and even then it's likely to involve your physical help. So do it very regularly so there never is too much and he gets used to things being neat, and then say very specifically what to do, "Let's put the blocks into this box." And then, "Now let's put the books up on the shelf." One thing at a time. But if you do it very consistently, you'll create a habit and he will grow to be used to things being picked up and to picking up as he goes.

Originally Posted by heartmama

I think this is the age when you instill the habit through repetition, but I don't think there is a magic way to get a 3 year old to actually remember every time without lots of help.

Originally Posted by LionTigerBear

I think they learn from example.

Thanks mamas. I think I just need to know that it's worth it to keep at it and *eventually* there will be some sort of point to all of the reminders and the extra-slow process of helping a 3yo clean

[aprons_and_acorns]

I agree with the others who said clear, specific instructions ("let's put all the cars in this bucket") as well as having fewer toys overall makes a big difference.

But I also think temperament plays a huge part in whether kids are naturally "picker-uppers" or more the type to leave things strewn about. The Meyers-Briggs personality types books explore this with regards to children and adults both. The book Nurture by Nature goes into this a little bit and it's very interesting.

[NellieKatz]

If you want to hear an interesting take on the whole issue of chores around the house, check this out. It really makes you think!
http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot....no-chores.html

[Surfacing]

subbing to come back and read

[nina_yyc]

Originally Posted by NellieKatz

If you want to hear an interesting take on the whole issue of chores around the house, check this out. It really makes you think!
http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot....no-chores.html

I think I would require many years of therapy and possibly some mood altering drugs to find this woman's happy place.

[NellieKatz]

haha!!!! Seriously. But it's something to strive for. She's a real beacon and her attitude of abundance and attraction has been such a help to me this year, I have nothing but gratitude for her. But yes, that blog post is a little rattling at first, isn't it?

[GuildJenn]

Originally Posted by NellieKatz

If you want to hear an interesting take on the whole issue of chores around the house, check this out. It really makes you think!
http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot....no-chores.html

I love that post.

I only have one 4 year old, so it's early days, but I've found the same thing as that woman seems to have - when I'm having fun, &/or it's just a regular part of our routine together, he is so eager to help. However, at three he was much more easily overwhelmed. And I agree that I think a lot of it is personality, whether the child has a good visual memory, etc.

I also agree with your insight that a structured sensory activity, or a structured sing/dance time, might help to burn some of that energy. But cut yourself some slack too.

[ann_of_loxley]

Yes - I have one.

The secret is to be a Virgo

lmao...

OCD helps too!

I am always cleaning and tidying and keeping things organised. Its only natural that my son will pick up the habit.

We are human - we are social creatures. Children learn best by modeling because of this. It may seem like such a simple thing - but so many parents that I know expect their children to pick up after themselves and be tidy, etc ...but fail to do that themselves (and if they do, they don't do it with their children around and/or don't invovle their children)! (my husband is the worst procrastinator for example! lmao...most people I know are - its down to personality in all honesty...I am a Virgo, down to a T! lol...and I do have OCD - so I make up for where my DH is lacking as much as that can drive him insane lmao) ...

Its also good to remember what it is that we want as the parent. Who wants something tidy? - You or your child? If you want something done...as I always say...its best to do it yourself! Making power struggles over something you always want done isn't going to help anyone. Children naturally want to please us (don't use that against them though)...they will eventually join (they always want to right? - especially when its inconveinent for you...so they will do as wel one day when its highly conveinient for you lmao). If you are feeling like the house maid, rethink what you really want (but remember what that teaches our children lol...my husband didn't just one day decide to be a procrasitator - its in his blood lmao). I like cleaning and tidying all the time - so I never feel like that! lol

Then we have to keep in mind child development. I was reading in 'You are your Childs First Teacher' about how it isnt until children are between the ages of 6-8 that they are able to be asked to do something and carry it out on their own without you having to get off your butt, down on your knees and get stuck in doing it with them.

[nina_yyc]

Ann~ Oddly enough it helps to know that they will eventually do it, even if it's in 3 years. I think I can hold the fort that long. I grew up in a very messy and neglected house and I was a disaster as a kid. I was never tidy until I had roomates/service industry jobs.

The idea of just doing it and waiting for them to join in...the jury's still out on that one regarding my DD, but it's magic on my DH

[mamazee]

I think there's value in that perspective, though. Just because you will sometimes have to do it yourself or force your child to do it through punishment or bribes. As soon as you punish or bribe to force it, you communicate very clearly that it is a terrible task that requires punishment and/or bribes to be done, and the grumpier you are when you do it, the more he'll learn that cleaning is something that makes people grumpy. But if you just relax if that happens every so often and just do it cheerfully, your child learns that it's just something to be done and no big deal. So I would use inclusive language and even do things like hand him something to put away, "Here, take this block and put it in that bin." But if it comes down to it and he's having a bad day and particularly if that only happens occasionally, I'd just relax, clean, and act like it's not a chore.

Think, "creating a habit" and not "getting him to do it". You will save your sanity and IMO have better results. People who are naturally neat do it out of habit, not because they hate to clean up but have been forced to. They don't mind cleaning at all, it's just something that they do. That's the goal. Part having the habit and part being used to living in a neat environment.

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by NellieKatz

If you want to hear an interesting take on the whole issue of chores around the house, check this out. It really makes you think!
http://thesparklingmartins.blogspot....no-chores.html

I have to say I WISH i believed in that method, but I don't. Mainly because when I was a kid, I had no chores. My mom occasionally asked me to clean my room, but i usually didn't and there were not really any consequences (other than my room staying messy). And, because of this lack of having to do chores, I feel that it has taken me a really long time to get the hang of having my own house! I had never done laundry even once before college!