Christian - anxiety over death, eternity, heaven, etc.

[beachgirl]

I am struggling in a way I never have before. I had a baby 2.5 months ago (our first) and it has been wonderful until now. One night while watching a movie (the grinch of all things) with my husband I started having a panic attack about eternity. I just couldn't conceptualize or understand it and when I tried to think about it, my heart would race, I got hot, started crying, etc. It was dormant after that for a couple weeks then a few days ago it started happening again. I am a Christian and believe in an eternity spent with God. However, the fact that I have no idea what this looks like terrifies me. Also I panic about dying and never seeing my husband or daughter again. I panic about not being able to care for her. I feel like when I die, I will be alone. Even though as a Christian I believe that we will "go to sleep in Christ" that just sounds so scary to me. I now fear death and dying and feel like I could die anytime, or others could. Life seems meaningless because we are all going to die at the end anyway. Can someone please help? Thank you.

[philomom]

This sounds like postpartum irrational fears to me. Are you breastfeeding? If so, you may still be dealing with a lot of hormones that work partly to keep you fixated on your babe so that no harm comes to her.

I'm not religious anymore... but I believe most xtian denominations consider an infant "saved" until a certain age.

Please go easy on yourself and know that irrational fears are normal for many new moms. I ran a new moms group for seven years. One lady couldn't go to the mailbox while her babe was sleeping for fear that kidnappers might steal in the back door while she was at the front driveway.

[cappuccinosmom]

I agree, it sounds like you may be having some postpartum issues. You may want to speak with your midwife/doctor about that. This is not a condemnation of you, but some of the fears you mentioned (like dying alone, you are not currently alone, you have your family) are not rational. However, unfortunately they could become self-fulfilling if you do not get help.

Eternity is kind of a mind-blowing prospect for anyone. However, life is *not* meaningless. You do have meaning in your life right now, a husband and a daughter. They love you, they need you, and they need you healthy.

As a Christian, how is your relationship with God? The Bible is very clear that our life here is *not* meaningless or worthless. We are here to glorify God, to love others, and to act on that love, both in our immediate family and with people around us. With a tiny baby, it's hard to be involved in a lot of outside activities, but at some point getting involved in giving something of yourself (time, effort, donations, something) into the lives of others may help you solidify in your mind that your life does have meaning. If fears are keeping you from doing that, and causing you so much anxiety, that's a prompt to get some medical help and dig deeper with God.

One of the first verse that my children ever learned actually was a great reminder to me: "Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you".