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Logistics of "collecting" from a KD...

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
So this is a silly question I know, but I've been unable to find what I'm looking for by searching the archives. We are meeting with our potential known donor on Sunday, and one of the things we need to talk about if we decide to proceed is how to get the "baby batter" from them to us.

What collection container is best to give him? Do we need to insem. at the same intervals that you do when using frozen sperm? How soon after the stuff is deposited into the cup do we need to pick it up and insem.? How long will the swimmers live in the cup, and do I need to keep it warm?

And frankly, how do we get through the slightly awkward phone call saying "hey guys, we need a specimen, it's time!"?

All advice welcome. I have read everything I could get my hands on regarding frozen sperm, but fresh is a whole 'nother ballgame. There is a chance we will be inseminating very soon if we do decide to proceed and I ovulate when I think I might.

Thank you so much in advance!
post #2 of 20
I have read so many different things as far as how long you have to get it from point a to point b before the quality starts dropping, so I really don't know the facts there but I know if it's cooled and shipped they overnight it with no problems. Since you won't need nearly that much time I would reccomend keeping it body temperature (under your arm, between your thighs somewhere to keep ut as close as possible to body temp. and at that temp I have heard everything from 20-30 minutes to an hour or longer but obviously the sooner the better. We chose to have him at our house, he is a close friend of DP so it was not that big of a deal to us or him to be here. The easiest thing that I have found for collection was a condom. Just dont get latex. I thought this was the easiest to get from the collection container into the syringe too. tmi probably but if you hold the condom tight and very gently shake it like you would shake down a termometer once or twice it will all go to the tip and is very easy to get into the syringe. I had trouble getting it out of the cup. When we decided he was going to be our donor we told him on cd1 that we would be ready to start inseminations soon so the day of the +opk we called him and just said we're ready when you are. I was nervous that it would be weird but really it wasn't as bad as I imagined it. We just made sure that all the technical things were worked out in advance and that made it easier because we all knew exactly how it would go ahead of time.
post #3 of 20
First off congrats on beginning the journey, secondly don't sweat the transport, getting the goods is one of the easiest parts of this crazy roller coaster. Swimmers are durable, and the main thing is just to keep them at room temperature. Some time ago (spacing on who it was now) a TTCers DP, with access to a microscope kept some swimmers (that I believe were even previously frozen) in her bra and checked them under the microscope each day and there were still live ones almost 1 week later!!!

Another piece of advice I would offer is NOT to do it as soon as possible. I think it is much easier to get into the syringe and easier for the lil guys to swim through your os if you can wait until it liquefies a little bit. It is often a bit chunky and coagulated right after ejaculation. Again, being sure to keep it at room temperature.

So my basic routine would be call KD on CD 1, schedule two-three potential pick ups days, 48 hours apart, usually CD 13, 15 and 17 (I usually o'ed CD18). I used the OVWatch and so once the Watch confirmed I was in my fertile window I would call KD and confirm pick up days and arrange times.
On the day I would arrive at his house and wait in the car. He would put the outside light on when he was done. He would have deposited into a specimen cup from a medical supply store (we didn't feel a need for a NEW sterile one every time, we just washed it out).
I would come in, take the container from him, holding it between my legs while we chatted for 10 mins or so. Once it was liquefied I would put it all in the needless syringe and draw the plunger back some so there was plenty of space for the goods to slosh around and no chance of leakage.
I would then place the syringe in my armpit and drive home (even stopping to pump my own gas syringe in pit! haha).
Once I was home I would elevate my hips on 2 large pillows, put the syringe in until it felt right up against my cervix, pull it back from the cervix a little bit and plunge (I don't recommend a speculum you lose WAY too much when you remove the speculum).
I would then leave the syringe in as long as I could stand it, doing Kegels. I would lay for 20 or so mins on my back and then 20 or so on each side and my front. Keeping my hips elevated on the pillows the whole time.

Of course when this all got too boring I would also take my swimmers in my armpit, hike a mountain, find a serene pond or an amazing corn field and while wearing a long skirt with a pillow under my hips inseminate in some beautiful places! That was an effort to spice stuff up a bit--but I can't say that either of my conceptions were a result of these road trips, but much like a mundane sex life--sometimes you need to inject some passion and beauty!!!

Good Luck!!
post #4 of 20
Thread Starter 
This is great advice, thank you.

I think I might give him a specimen cup - and although I would love to believe we could all be comfortable in the same house while he gives a specimen, I'm afraid we wouldn't. Maybe if it takes a while to get pregnant! I think that's a cool idea though.
post #5 of 20
Our donor always dropped by our place to drop off the goods. He would just go downstairs into the bathroom and then leave right away and we would usually insem. within about 5 minutes. We picked it up once from him and drove the 10 minutes home, which seemed to work too.

One thing our donor specified right away in the process was that he preferred a shallow wider specimen container rather than a smaller cup. We also found it was way easier to get into the syringe too.
post #6 of 20
KD # 1 was pretty flexible, I'd show up at his place, he'd pop into the WC and pop out with a sample in an 8 oz canning jar (glass) for me, I'd drive home (or to my office, or to a spot out in the woods, or whatevs, and insem).

I would just drive with the jar between my thighs. One trick we found useful, I took off with the sperm in the jar and left him a jar for next time, so if he wanted to start early, it would be good to go.

KD # 2 - he checks in with me about timing, which we have a good sense of because of the meds/ultrasound/trigger shot routine, actually, we usually have an appointment booked with someone to do an IUI, and I book those the day before, so he either produces at the midwife's office (or the REs office next month) or we have a system where I set a time with him, like my IUI appt is at 1:00, it's a 25 minute drive, so I tell him "I'll be in your driveway at 12:15, so no earlier, but I'm happy to wait" and then he just ducks out to the car with the sample next to his body, gives me the jar, and off I go.

He did tell me he prefers the mason jar to the specimen cup, since the opening is bigger, and the midwife doesn't care but the OB and RE prefer the specimen cup since it seems more medical and official and what they're used to.

Hope that helps! You get pretty good at driving around snuggling a jar if you're at this long enough. I don't worry too much about the time elapsed, within an hour is preferable, I often stop for drive-thru food or called-ahead-take out on my way home, I drive half an hour, let my dogs out to pee, and then get everything settled. I like to watch bad TV and eat post-insem, so I snuggle up with hips elevated, laptop set up for streaming a movie. I swear if I had made a baby with KD # 1, Iwould have named hir Wendy in honour of all the freakin' burgers I ate while insemming.
post #7 of 20
Ditto what everyone said about this being the easiest part and the durability of the sperm! Just a funny note - We would park outside our KD's house until he turned his light on, and then my partner would run out to "pick up the goods." We would always wrap the jar in a small sock to keep it extra warm. Then I would hold the jar between my legs as we drove home.

The fun part? We kept the sock and use it as an ornament every year. :-)
post #8 of 20
Here's what i did:
I emailed my donor the day my OPK measured my LH surge and arranged to meet at the coffee shop in my neighbourhood the following day. I gave him a paper bag with a styfofoam cup, a baby medicine syringe, and a ziploc bag. He went in the washroom, and came out and handed to bag back when he was done. I tucked the syringe (in the ziploc) into my bra, and then my friend who came along to help got the car, and I insemed in the parking lot. She drove me home, and then I stayed in bed, hips elevated, for an hour.

Next time, I'll wait to insem til I get home, cause a LOT of the semen came out of my vagina. But the straight girls tell me that it always comes out... I just kinda panicked cause it was really cold out...

The only problem - as we were waiting for my donor, a parent of one of our students came in to get coffee. My friend and I were, like, O S***!!! You should have seen the mother's face when a dude came in and sat down next to me. We made him wait until she had left before sending him to the bathroom, but I can't help but think that the mother is going to put two and two together when her kids' unmarried teacher has a baby next fall...
post #9 of 20

My wife and I are also planning to use a KD and I was particularly interested in this thread. Most of the self insemination advice online suggests you can collectthe sample in either a container, collection condom or baggy. I have found the containers and collection condoms in online stores but I can't find the baggys. Do you need to use a medical grade bag like a biohazard bag or is it ok to use normal zip lock food bags? Any advice or experience that anyone has had using the baggy would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

post #10 of 20

I have never heard of using a baggie- to me it seems like a good way to lose some of it when it sticks to the bag? We just used a small tupperware dish, clean and dry but not sterilized or anything. Our KD is from a different state, so we flew him in and he was staying with us. He'd just do his business in his room and we'd be ready for it in our room. He just knocked on the door when he was done and handed the cup to DW. ;)

post #11 of 20

Jmy21: Our KD tried a small snack-sized Ziploc bag and he totally hated it. He said it was awkward to deposit the goods in to, and DP found it extremely difficult to retrieve the majority of the goods with the syringe. After trying multiple containers (urine sample cup, Ziploc bag, small Tupperware-style container, glass baby food jar, condom) everyone decided we preferred a small plastic container.  It has a tight-fitting lid, and after each try we wash it with medical grade soap and rinse with lots of water.  Plus if someone happens to see it in our bathroom closet, it doesn't immediately give away our TTC secret winky.gif

 

As far as letting him know when it's time, we are pretty open with him about everything TTC-related, such as where I am in my cycle, how many times we want to try this month, etc.  I know sometimes the timing can be inconvenient for him, so I try to give him as much notice as possible.  I usually send him a text message a week or so before my ovulation-prediction date, and we exchange schedules to find a date/time that works for both of us. When I get a positive ovulation test, I call or text him again and we work out a final time and we take turns coming to him vs him bringing it over. We try to inseminate the day before O, 12hrs post-O, and 24hrs post-O, but all three rarely happen. (We are currently looking at a possible second donor so we can try more often per cycle without driving KD#1 crazy!)  He is pretty cool about everything, but he does frequently want to know if I "feel pregnant" until I'm able to take a pregnancy test (which drives me nuts!).  

 

Best of luck during your TTC process!

 

post #12 of 20

We get sterile deposit cups online. Inexpensive and easy to use. Has worked for us three times in terms of getting pregnant. We used a sterile one every time and did not wash and rinse.

post #13 of 20

this thread just makes me happy  ROTFLMAO.gif

 

So much good, no-nonsense practical advice and I now have this amusing mental image of all these ziplock bags, tupperware containers and mason jars filled with so much potential shuttling back and forth all over the place.

 

I also love that people are inseminating in such a variety of locations! On mountains, in corn fields and carparks...

And I love the sock ornament. Imma gonna get me one of those.  Hanging a tupperware container from my tree just wouldn't be the same, I think.

 

Keep it up, ladies!

post #14 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by My21 View Post

My wife and I are also planning to use a JD and I was particularly interested in this thread. Most of the self insemination advice on line suggests you can collect the sample in either a container, collection condom or baggy. I have found the containers and collection condoms in on line stores but I can't find the bags. Do you need to use a medical grade bag like a bio hazard bag or is it OK to use normal zip lock food bags? Any advice or experience that anyone has had using the baggy would be very much appreciated. Thanks!

Our KD just took a shot glass out of his cupboard and we used that. I would NOT recommend a bag or condom, it would be annoying to get ejaculate out of them (I've heard, haven't tried that myself). Just use whatever little container you have lying around, as long as it's clean. You just want something that isn't too small as to be annoying to your KD but small enough that the sample is deep enough to suck up into the syringe. 


Edited by RStelle - 12/5/11 at 11:29am
post #15 of 20

I live with my KD. Any tips for coping with the awkwardness? I have this picture in my head of his girlfriend and I sitting in the living room silently and then one of us says "So KD is masturbating." and the other saying "Yup." and then the awkward silence continuing...

post #16 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by livingglitter View Post
 

I live with my KD. Any tips for coping with the awkwardness? I have this picture in my head of his girlfriend and I sitting in the living room silently and then one of us says "So KD is masturbating." and the other saying "Yup." and then the awkward silence continuing...

Have you looked into any other legal concerns there? I'd just be worried that, since you're living with KD, it'll be assumed that if you have a kid together it was the "traditional way" and that can make it so he's considered a legal father instead of a donor.

 

 

No advice on the awkwardness, I think it decreases with time. You know that he probably masturbates while you're there anyways, it's just that now you know when he's doing it. It might be good to try not to focus on it, watch some TV or try to have a different conversation, etc. Once he gives you the sample- he's probably going to be sitting there going "So, they're having sex now. With my sperm.", which is probably going to be just as weird for him.

post #17 of 20

Honestly, I'm open to both of them taking on parental roles if they want to. We live together and plan to for our lifetimes, so they're going to have a major role in my kid's life anyway. Right now they want to be closer to aunt and uncle, but I'm be open to those roles being fluid later on down the line. I might even prefer being co-parents. We have similar values and ideas about parenting and I trust both of them very deeply. However, I am not planning on putting him on the birth certificate unless he wants to be a parent and is willing to contribute a father's half on money and effort.

post #18 of 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by livingglitter View Post
 

Honestly, I'm open to both of them taking on parental roles if they want to. We live together and plan to for our lifetimes, so they're going to have a major role in my kid's life anyway. Right now they want to be closer to aunt and uncle, but I'm be open to those roles being fluid later on down the line. I might even prefer being co-parents. We have similar values and ideas about parenting and I trust both of them very deeply. However, I am not planning on putting him on the birth certificate unless he wants to be a parent and is willing to contribute a father's half on money and effort.


I think that's good and hope it works out. I know that for poly families, multiple parents has worked fine, and there are also friends who've agreed to have and raise a childtogether while keeping a platonic relationship. It can work out very well.

 

I was mostly bringing it up because usually folks on here who are having a baby while they have a partner intend for the partner to be an equal parent, so the legal issue is pretty big. I would still look into it just so you know what you may face. Even if he's not on the birth certificate a paternity test can still be ordered and he could be required to pay child support or you could be required to share custody with him. If you and your girlfriend decide you want to be the two parents, it may be difficult to establish that. It's hard to say how the future will go, making sure the legal ducks are in a row is a good idea to protect everyone. 

post #19 of 20

These are definitely important points. Thank you for pointing them out. I'm still doing research and weighing options while I save money and before we buy the house I'll rise my kid in.

Though we aren't poly (I'm only platonically involved with everyone), our family structure is probably closer to a poly family than the 1950's-ish family I grew up with. So it makes sense that a poly parenting model may be in our future. I actually should probably read more about poly parenting too, since DP and KD might want to get involved later on.

post #20 of 20

My advice for dealking with the awkwardness is to kinda make it funny. With our KD it was definitely awkard at first but pretty quickly that changed and now we make jokes and puns whenever we can. It makes the process easier and eases the awkwardness, at least for us.

 

I hope it gets easier for you and wish you luck in TTC!

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