dd is nearly 3 and ds is 7 months. I know she loves him and is glad he is in our family. She loves to hug him (though he might not enjoy her hugs as much, at least they are in the spirit of love!) play games, help hold his hands out of his poop during diaper changes, give him toys, and says he's cute!
But just as often... (if not MORE often).. snatches toys away from him, (even if its not something she is interested in or wants to play with) petty things like pulling his thumb out of his mouth, pushes him down, hits, kicks, and sometimes even whacks him over the head with hard toys. Its getting progressively and rapidly worse.
I have no idea how to react to this. As for triggers.. hmm.. sometimes its out of the blue. Like, just because he's THERE. They're playing great, both happy, then she shoves him down. I've seen her sitting on the couch, and ds pulls up top cruise, and barely looking at him or even changing expression, her foot just flies out and shoves him down, as though she's swatting a mosquito or something. Sometimes its very obviously because she's trying to get dh and I upset (like when she shoves him and one of us comforts the baby while the other moves her to another part of the room.. and she *immediately* runs back to do it again. And even like, this morning, playing with new christmas presents, lots of adults around so there is no lack of attention for either kid (which means extra hands available for the baby, and more of my and dh's attention available to dd) we're all on the floor, not distracted by anything (so if she's trying to get my attention/reaction.. she already HAS it, ya know?) there she was... hitting him on the head with hard plastic toys.
My normal reaction is a time out.. which I fully expect, in this forum, to be told it doesn't work. And you're right. At best its punitive redirection because she'll just start playing with her toys in her room and I'll come back in a couple minutes and she's playing great, and is happy to see me to show me what she started playing. At worst, she gets angry and just wants to get "revenge" and pees (or worst, poops!) on the floor. Which I don't react to, just get a towel and pretend it didn't happen. But I just have no earthly idea the right thing to do when she does this. My gut reaction is MAMA BEAR! Someone just HURT my BABY! And I feel horrible when I see her being cruel to him. I think about her blissful babyhood as a firstborn without having to put up with anyone bullying her, and how unfair it is that his babyhood can't be as peaceful. He's the easiest baby in the world, will be happily chewing on a teether or something, minding his own business, then the next thing he knows his head is colliding with the floor or some piece of furniture/toy. Just not fair. What do I do?
But just as often... (if not MORE often).. snatches toys away from him, (even if its not something she is interested in or wants to play with) petty things like pulling his thumb out of his mouth, pushes him down, hits, kicks, and sometimes even whacks him over the head with hard toys. Its getting progressively and rapidly worse.
I have no idea how to react to this. As for triggers.. hmm.. sometimes its out of the blue. Like, just because he's THERE. They're playing great, both happy, then she shoves him down. I've seen her sitting on the couch, and ds pulls up top cruise, and barely looking at him or even changing expression, her foot just flies out and shoves him down, as though she's swatting a mosquito or something. Sometimes its very obviously because she's trying to get dh and I upset (like when she shoves him and one of us comforts the baby while the other moves her to another part of the room.. and she *immediately* runs back to do it again. And even like, this morning, playing with new christmas presents, lots of adults around so there is no lack of attention for either kid (which means extra hands available for the baby, and more of my and dh's attention available to dd) we're all on the floor, not distracted by anything (so if she's trying to get my attention/reaction.. she already HAS it, ya know?) there she was... hitting him on the head with hard plastic toys.
My normal reaction is a time out.. which I fully expect, in this forum, to be told it doesn't work. And you're right. At best its punitive redirection because she'll just start playing with her toys in her room and I'll come back in a couple minutes and she's playing great, and is happy to see me to show me what she started playing. At worst, she gets angry and just wants to get "revenge" and pees (or worst, poops!) on the floor. Which I don't react to, just get a towel and pretend it didn't happen. But I just have no earthly idea the right thing to do when she does this. My gut reaction is MAMA BEAR! Someone just HURT my BABY! And I feel horrible when I see her being cruel to him. I think about her blissful babyhood as a firstborn without having to put up with anyone bullying her, and how unfair it is that his babyhood can't be as peaceful. He's the easiest baby in the world, will be happily chewing on a teether or something, minding his own business, then the next thing he knows his head is colliding with the floor or some piece of furniture/toy. Just not fair. What do I do?
