3 yo hyper since new baby's arrival

[ElliesMomma]

my DD, 3.5, has always been a spirited kid. she has never been mean, doesn't hit, doesn't say mean things to people, doesn't purposely try to be trouble.

however, since her baby brother arrived in september, she has become seriously hyper. can't sit still. always in motion. talks non stop. won't nap, has trouble falling asleep at night, etc., etc. doesn't listen well at all, too; whereas she used to listen pretty well.

i'm hoping i can chalk it up to the new baby's presence (btw she's never been jealous, is a "little mommy" to him, tandem nurses.

anyone with experience in this type of situation -- 3 yo and newborn -- can you tell me will it pass? and when?

[Masel]

LOL I could have written that. Except that DD1 will be 4 next week and the baby born in September is a girl. I've got nothing but sympathy.

[elanorh]

DD1 was nearly 3 when DD2 was born. She too became much more hyper, needed more attention, etc., harder to get her to bed etc.

We finally had me start taking a walk with JUST her, half an hour every afternoon. DH watched dd2 while we took our walk. Within a couple days of starting that 1:1 attention again for her, she was settling back into her more manageable, normal personality.

We found that a lot of it had to do with her needing the 1:1 attention from me. 1:1 time with Daddy, Papa, Grandma - didn't cut it as well as the time with me. And it needed to be time AWAY from baby -- after a few months of this (walks etc. for 1:1) - dd1 settled down and was more able to have the day where her attention was mostly shared rather than "just" Mom. But that small amount of time/day helped a lot. Daddy had been doing bedtime too, and we went back to me doing most of bedtime with dd1 at that time too -- although sometimes dd2 was with me while I did it.

[sarahsmiles]

We are living it right now. No amount of Mama time is enough, though. (DH is with the kids all day during the week.) I take DD to preschool, often to Mass by ourselves, do bedtime, etc., but she just wants more and never stops from the time she wakes up in the morning until she collapses at night. We can't wait until spring at our house!

[ann_of_loxley]

i'm hoping i can chalk it up to the new baby's presence (btw she's never been jealous, is a "little mommy" to him, tandem nurses.

You probably can. And probably a bit of her age as well. But don't fool yourself. How a person feels on the inside, doesn't always present itself in the same way on the outside. It really depends on the person and how they express themselves. Some people shout at the world how they feel, whilst others carry on all happy-hunky-dory like nothing is wrong... children can be the same.

Imagine for a minute...Your husband decides he wants another wife. He thinks you two have been together long enough and its time to add to the family. He spend 9 months thinking and talking about it and preparing for it. Then brings her home one day. How would you feel? lol - On the outside, you still might be the perfect wonderful wife. You cook together, clean together, never fight or argue - even share your clothes and makeup and bath supplies, etc! ... But how might you sometimes feel on the inside? Its human - its natural. Its okay to admit that our children actually hate the baby - sometimes. So much so they might have trouble sleeping at night. They develop new worries. They try and hold onto what was...because their life has just been turned upside down. How our children feel is right, and they should never be afraid to express them.

Yes it will pass - all things do. In the meantime, you could simply validate your DDs feelings. (this may be harder to do with a child who isn't obviously expressing things very much in an outwardly way.... Some children are just people peasures, lets not rock the boat kinda personalities/temperments - whilst others might hit out, etc as expression of their feelings with a new baby). You can obvioulsy try and keep the 'routine' the same or very similar and try and make sure you get some one-on-one time with your DD (without the baby) but that may not be enough for your child. Validating feelings on the other hand - can go a long long way. Especially if you are really listening. You might want to start with simply saying 'I miss having time with you like it was when it was just you and me - do you miss that too?...' ... 'It must be hard having to share your time with me?'...etc...

Go back to your husband bringing home a second wife. How could he validate your feelings? This might be hard to imagine because its not a realistic situation in our culture .... and you can't just 'let the baby go' lol... But I think its the best metaphor I have ever heard to describe how children might feel when there is suddenly a new addition in the family - very similar to their own.

Of coure you could just let it pass - all phased do in the end...but theres no hurt in trying to make a better connection within our relationships in the family and providing emotional health/growth as well! hehe

[buttercups.nest]

I would definitely say its the new baby. My daughter has gotten incredibly clingy at times and then so independent at others since the baby's come.

I took her to the post office one night, went and had supper together, and then went screaming through the parking lot. I had HER (the personality she had before baby) all to myself...it was wonderful. Ever since then she's actually been much better behavior wise (not as clingy, more helpful). A weekly date night is definitely on the list. Only trouble with that is you've got to leave baby home....my babe is 3months old so I'm ok leaving him for an hour, but with a brand new baby you never know when they'll want their next meal!

Good luck!

[Masel]

Any advice for regression in Potty Training. DD1 just turned 4 this week. She had been day trained for well over a year and night since last spring. In the past couple weeks she has gone during the day several times and then during the last two nights. I guess I though this sort of regression would be a conscious act of wanting to be a baby again but she seems stunned and embarrassed when this happens. We've tried to be nonchalant about it. It could also be the schedule changes with all the holiday goings on. Maybe a UTI? I don't know.

[redpajama]

I agree, it's the baby. And while I can't yet say from personal experience that it will pass (our baby was born in August), I'm quite sure it will. My third child was born in August, and my daughter turned 3 in November. We briefly went though some potty-training regression (she'd been potty trained for just over a year, and started peeing her pants 5-10 times a day after the baby was born). I dealt with it pretty matter-of-factly: "Lucie, where are your pants?" ("I peed in them so I took them off.") "Well, you need to go get them and put them in the diaper pail and put new ones on." ("Okay.") That lasted about 10 days and then she was just...over it.
She didn't turn "hyper," necessarily, but she definitely started doing things I hadn't seen from her before--coloring on the walls and herself, making senseless messes, and definitely became more emotionally volatile. We've tried to temper our responses to the messes and things and give her a lot of positive attention. For the most part, I feel like that's working. She's still a bit "different," but I'm not as concerned as I was a few months ago, and I'm quite sure that we haven't ruined her forever by having another baby.

Like your daughter, she has never shown any anger or aggression toward the baby, but rather "mothers" her and showers her with attention. In fact, when she doesn have an angry outburst, she has occasionally been known to yell at us, "I hate everyone except Fiona (the baby)!"

I'm quite sure it'll pass.