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MIL and presents - very mad!!! - Page 4

post #61 of 90
Yes, they're still married. And yes, it's always been a horrible match in many respects. Until I left they used me as the triangulator to vent their rage at each other. I don't know how they work things out these days, but...somehow they do. In other respects though, what could glom together better that total control freak and total passive-aggressive codependent?

They're of a generation and upbringing where you Do. Not. Get. Divorced. Ever.

And they have a huge-ass house (as I've mentioned, I'm not exaggerating that it's a mansion) and now that my grandma died my mom has probably the equivalent of a double-wide trailer of boxes full of crap and mementos that are boxed up from 20 years of moves and storage in half of the finished basment. It's unbelievable. But, dad doesn't have to see it or deal with it (it's behind closed doors). I'm really not looking forward to having to go through all that someday.
post #62 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
Yes, they're still married. And yes, it's always been a horrible match in many respects. Until I left they used me as the triangulator to vent their rage at each other. I don't know how they work things out these days, but...somehow they do. In other respects though, what could glom together better that total control freak and total passive-aggressive codependent?

They're of a generation and upbringing where you Do. Not. Get. Divorced. Ever.

And they have a huge-ass house (as I've mentioned, I'm not exaggerating that it's a mansion) and now that my grandma died my mom has probably the equivalent of a double-wide trailer of boxes full of crap and mementos that are boxed up from 20 years of moves and storage in half of the finished basment. It's unbelievable. But, dad doesn't have to see it or deal with it (it's behind closed doors). I'm really not looking forward to having to go through all that someday.
that is so sweet that despite everything, they stick by eachother, I can be such a mushy butt LOL.. but really, it's awesome
post #63 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
that is so sweet that despite everything, they stick by eachother, I can be such a mushy butt LOL.. but really, it's awesome
I guess you can look at it that way. Their relationship is pretty unhealthy, and having grown up in that environment I'll never be able to see it as awesome. But hell, at least somebody thinks it is!
post #64 of 90
Germs are good for kids; helps build the immune system! And you can always wash them if you think they're gross.
I say let your kid decide if the gifts are "good enough" for her. I'm willing to bet that if you offer your daughter the gifts, she will react with delight. We bought all of our kids' Christmas presents used this year and they love them just as much as new ones! Just because you were raised to only accept new and spotless things doesn't mean your kids should be too! (I had to learn that lesson with brand name foods instead of generics, thanks to my snobby parents).
post #65 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kailey's mom View Post
that is so sweet that despite everything, they stick by eachother, I can be such a mushy butt LOL.. but really, it's awesome
My grandmother stuck with my grandfather, too. Divorce was something one just didn't do. He died about 12-13 years ago, and she got a new boyfriend ("boyfriend" - I love that - they were in their 80s!). That was the first time I ever saw her happy. I think people divorce too easily much of the time - but I also think that people used to (and some still do) stick it out when they'd be far better off if they didn't.

I have no idea if any of that applies to poster you were talking to - just my first thought when I saw this.
post #66 of 90
I haven't read all the posts, but I don't see the big deal. Two year olds' toys don't last them long anyway - they destroy them or lose interest soon, as they grow so fast. It makes sense to get lots of cheap gifts for a toddler that she'll sure to enjoy more than one expensive, unused gift.

Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
warehouses where toys are stored before they are sold.....have RATS. So new toys are just as nasty and germy as used toys. They should ALL be cleaned before played with.
True. 'New' toys have passed through almost as many hands. Used toys may have actually been cleaned at some point in the process by another caring parent.

But I'm biased. I love used stuff. They have this special aura about them. I especially cherish hand-me-downs from people I like, and have all my life.
post #67 of 90
I'd like to know where all these great second-hand toys are coming from b/c I have two Goodwills in my city and quite a few baby/children consignment shops and the Goodwills are awful and the consignment shops are waaaaaaay overpriced!
post #68 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybun View Post
While I understand that for a lot of people it's acceptable, it is not for me (I am a biggest jermaphobe and am used to nice things).
I really don't think that the OP meant to offend anyone. She does say that she understands that other people are ok with garage sale gifts, and she didn't sound malicious or judgmental to me at all.

I for one am a huge freecycler. I have gotten tons of clothing for my kids, and toys too. My mother was really freaked out by this at first and insisted that she would buy new whatever I was going to get used. I thought that was very thoughtful of her, but I didn't take her up on it. I don't think that she is a snob either. She likes new things. She doesn't judge me for freecycling, she just has different preferences.

Although we don't truly know what these gifts were, perhaps they weren't very nice. She says that she's used to "nice things" in comparison.
post #69 of 90
See IMO it is opinions such as the OP who make the Toy Mountain toy drive be only new unopened toys....This saddens me. As a child we always chose one of toys (often very cherished) and brought them to the toy drive at Christmas for those who would otherwise have none. I was going to do the same with my son...only to discover that they refuse previously loved toys.

I love garage sales because you can find like new toys that Tyr absolutely loves at a fraction of the price. We bought a Thomas the Train table for $50....rather than $400!!

Also one of my fave stores is Once Upon a Child... I'd say a good 50% of his clothes come from there....some even come with tags (I picked up a vest for him that was priced at $75 and I paid 5 bucks!!)

If you are worried about germs...everything can be washed....I have even tossed the stuffed animals that say surface wash only....
post #70 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
Yes, they're still married. And yes, it's always been a horrible match in many respects. Until I left they used me as the triangulator to vent their rage at each other. I don't know how they work things out these days, but...somehow they do. In other respects though, what could glom together better that total control freak and total passive-aggressive codependent?

They're of a generation and upbringing where you Do. Not. Get. Divorced. Ever.

And they have a huge-ass house (as I've mentioned, I'm not exaggerating that it's a mansion) and now that my grandma died my mom has probably the equivalent of a double-wide trailer of boxes full of crap and mementos that are boxed up from 20 years of moves and storage in half of the finished basment. It's unbelievable. But, dad doesn't have to see it or deal with it (it's behind closed doors). I'm really not looking forward to having to go through all that someday.
Yeah, i don't agree with Kailey's Mom. Interesting from my perspective, probably tough for yours. Thanks for sharing. Sorry if I was nosy.

post #71 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2pinks View Post
I'd like to know where all these great second-hand toys are coming from b/c I have two Goodwills in my city and quite a few baby/children consignment shops and the Goodwills are awful and the consignment shops are waaaaaaay overpriced!
That's what I've been thinking!

Our consignment shops here are the same - I ventured into them when the two oldest kids were little and haven't been back since. Most all the kids stuff is gross, and the nicer things cost just a bit less than buying the same thing new. Like buying a used Baby Gap shirt for $7 when I could get a brand new one on sale for $8.

ETA: Plus, I personally find thrift shopping a total waste of my time. It takes far too long to find anything worthwhile - unless I'm shopping without any specifics in mind.
post #72 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by lonegirl View Post
See IMO it is opinions such as the OP who make the Toy Mountain toy drive be only new unopened toys....This saddens me. As a child we always chose one of toys (often very cherished) and brought them to the toy drive at Christmas for those who would otherwise have none. I was going to do the same with my son...only to discover that they refuse previously loved toys.
No, to be fair, I think the reason why it's required that the toys be new and unopened is not really because of "atttitudes" like the OPs, but because you would be shocked as to what people think is acceptible to donate just because the people receiving the things are "poor and should be grateful".

Having sorted donations in the past, it is shameful what people donate sometimes. And gross too.

Sometimes a cherished toy is in...less than great shape. Sometimes people don't see that because it's so loved. Also, sometimes it's nice for parents to be able to go in and pick out a brand new toy for their kid, and be able to wrap it and give it, for once not having to sort and sift through thrift stores and freecycle.

I can see why you might think that, but honestly, the problem is 99 percent on the opposite end. At least from what I observed.
post #73 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
No, to be fair, I think the reason why it's required that the toys be new and unopened is not really because of "atttitudes" like the OPs, but because you would be shocked as to what people think is acceptible to donate just because the people receiving the things are "poor and should be grateful".

Having sorted donations in the past, it is shameful what people donate sometimes. And gross too.

Sometimes a cherished toy is in...less than great shape. Sometimes people don't see that because it's so loved. Also, sometimes it's nice for parents to be able to go in and pick out a brand new toy for their kid, and be able to wrap it and give it, for once not having to sort and sift through thrift stores and freecycle.

I can see why you might think that, but honestly, the problem is 99 percent on the opposite end. At least from what I observed.
That's been my experience, too. It's really sad, but it's also horrifying what people will donate.
post #74 of 90
Two year olds go though toys so fast that it's kind of hard to keep up with them. My MIL gives ds nothing at all, and while I know she's pretty broke, I'd be happy if she'd give him a couple of yard sale finds. But then that's just me, I'm not at all afraid of germs (we can always wash things in the dishwasher before use). Can you ask her to at least wash the items in bleach water or vinegar before giving them?
post #75 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post

Mine has plenty and my mom is trying to even things out.
But from what the op has described, things aren't even. Two children are getting plenty of nice expensive gifts and one child is getting cheap crap.

It's not the grandparents place to "even things out". Gifts are supposed to be expressions of love, something we give to others because we care about them and we want to give them a little joy. And it is hurtful when one child gets left out of those expressions of love while the others get a bounty. Grandparents can help out those who may be more "in need" in ways that are not obvious to the rest of the family. I know many grandparents who regularly buy food, diapers, pay medical bills, buy toys and clothes, etc. because otherwise their grandkids would have to do without. All that can be done any time of the year and the help doesn't have to be disguised as gifts.

This situation described my paternal grandparents to a T. As a child I can clearly remember gathering at the grandparents home with my cousins and aunts and uncles and watching with great sadness while my cousins opened gift upon gift and I got one little cheap gift(like a pair of socks or a candy cane) or nothing at all. My grandmother said that she did that because my father could afford to give me nice things while his siblings could not afford to give their kids much, so things needed to be evened out. As an adult I realized, and was okay, with what my grandparents were doing. But as a very young child I did not. What I remember is hurt, sadness, disappointment, and shame, and the feeling that I must have done something horribly wrong to be treated differently from the rest of kids.
post #76 of 90
she bought the expensive stuff for the older kids because they know the difference. All of my sons stuff is used (clothes, toys, etc) he doesn't know or care. They are all name brand, clean, and beautiful. The best part is that I spent at least 300% less than if I bought them brand new. Things can be washed to remove germs. Last I checked gifts were something that were to come from the heart, not from the newest, greatest, cleanest store.
post #77 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife View Post
Trying or not, you are, and you're teaching your children to be the same. This is what we call a "first world problem". You are very fortunate if your child receiving used toys is the biggest problem you have to complain about on the internet.
post #78 of 90
I have pretty much the opposite complaint - MIL bought dd some expensive mall things and won't stop going on about how much it cost her so please take good care of it. For the record, we DO take care of our things and these things she bought aren't really the type of stuff you'd hold on to as an heirloom anyway. In short, she will grow out of them and they will get donated, just like most of the rest of her stuff!

In particular, she keeps going on and on about this dress and how much it cost from "Justice" (?). I shop at Salvation Army and my 6yo loves going on half off day because she can pick out what she wants from looong racks of clothing! She has a mostly "name brand" wardrobe, and the vast majority of it was bought used.

I finally said to MIL, when I couldn't take it anymore, "I really appreciate the dress, it's beautiful, but in the future please don't feel you have to go to the mall and buy an expensive garment because to dd it's really not any more special than a gently used dress from a thrift store that costs $2."
post #79 of 90
OP, I totally am with you on the goodwill stuff. I am a bit of a germaphobe too, and I think that if you can afford to buy new things, as opposed to used, especially toys and clothes, then that's what I prefer. I think that clothes are more acceptable as they are so easily washed, but I have it in my mind that new=clean. I have been in a situation before where all that I could afford to buy were second hand items, but I certainly wouldn't choose it. This all being said, I think that my germaphobia is probably not common, and so if someone were to buy my child things that were second hand, I would probably just accept them, say thank you, wash the sh** out of them, and use whatever I could out of it. It's just better to keep the piece over something like this.
post #80 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Polliwog View Post
That's been my experience, too. It's really sad, but it's also horrifying what people will donate.
And, I would think it is also because of all the recalls these days. Any organization that distributes toys to needy kids is not going to want to be giving out toys that are potentially harmful.

For those of you who buy toys at thrift stores and yard sales, how do you verify that those items haven't been recalled, particularly if you don't have the orginial packaging?
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