My daughter is having a UC....

[Lissacamille]

Help! I am a little nervous. My daughter is having her second child and is planning on an unassisted childbirth. I am and have always been a proponent of midwives, homebirth, breastfeeding, and most of the "Mothering" philosophies that I read here. But I am so afraid of what might happen during my daughter's UC. I will say that she is having her husband, best friend, and me there (I was also at her first homebirth). I know logically that everything will probably be for the best. I understand why my daughter has chosen this route.
How do I best support my daughter's decision? How do I best help her out?

[djinneyah]

sounds very similar to my second birth (husband, mom, friend). my first was a hospital birth. i chose UC for my second. MY mother, though, is *terrified* of birth. even animals birthing makes her nervous. the whole thing scares her.

when my mom found out my plans, she was definitely skittish at first, but the more i shared with her, not only about my reasons for my choice but all the information i was reading and all the interesting and empowering things i was learning, the more on board she became. she was still nervous and never truly totally comfortable with it, but she supported me and my decisions, and that's all that mattered to me. i wanted her to be there, and she was, nerves and all! i was able to ignore her nervousness, though, because i knew despite her concerns, she loved me and trusted me to make the best decision for me and my family.

my advice? listen to everything your daughter has to say with a totally open mind, learn with her while she's learning, and trust that she's making the decision that best works for her and her family. it sounds like in your heart you do already, it's just your brain that won't shut off the 'what-ifs'. that's how my mom was. the best thing you can do is be there for her in whatever capacity she needs you to be. if there are specific concerns you have, certain complications you're concerned about, talk to your daughter about them and ask to read the information she's reading. in the end, you may not come to the same conclusions or level of comfort she's at, but you don't necessarily have to in order to be able to support her in her choice.

[MyBoysBlue]

I had my mother at my UC. One thing I want to stress is to not let her see your fear. The one bad memory of my UC was my mother breaking into prayer just after DS came out. She was praying that he would start breathing. That caused me to worry that something was wrong. He was just fine but she vocalized her fear and made the special moment of first looking at my son one of worry. I wouldn't have minded her praying if it had been a bit later and not interupted that special moment. Otherwise she was a comfort to have and hid her worry well.

[Bibliomommy]

Don't be worried!

We had an UC 7 weeks ago and did not tell my mom about it because I was worried about people's negative energy, even from afar. Childbirth is totally natural and your daughter will be just fine. It took me 5 months to convince my husband. At first he was terrified. Then he came around to it and when I was losing it during the birth he was completely calm and steady the whole time. Your job is to support your daughter, which may mean that you clean the bathroom and make extra red raspberry leaf tea instead of being in the room with her. But she is so lucky to have a mom who she wants to have at her birth. And you are lucky to have a daughter who is doing it her own way!

[chase_mommy]

I don't have any additional advice to give.

I just wanted to share how blessed your daughter is that you are so supportive of her. I want my mother to be at our UC but she wants no part of it and is hateful about it. I find it really hurtful and sad especially since I want my mother there. She attended my 2 other births and it would be nice to have her there. Anyways, the fact that you are willing to be there is great and in its self supporting.

[cathicog]

my MIL was at our hb, by invitation. But she was born at home as were all her siblings and her generation, so it was more normal for her. This was her third grandchild, the first born at home. This birth will probably be easier/faster than the first one. I am thrilled you are supportive of homebirth, and I am sure with all the research she is doing, that if she feels something isnt right, she will say so, as would her support people.In the meantime, if you can read all you can on UC it would probably help a lot. on the Stickies list for UC here, there are several books which might be helpful. UC is probably, for a prepared person, less risky for mom and baby than most typical induced/augmented hospital births. Hope that eases your fears a little.

[zoebird]

yeah, the bottom line is that you need to work out your fears and not put any of that onto her at all.

and i do believe that you can come to a pace of complete support and peace for the UC.

once you come to that place, then you'll know what to do. she'll tell you what she needs and you'll be able to do it without trepidation or second guessing her assertions.

i'm sure you'll be great!

[Lissacamille]

Thanks for all your replies and encouragement. I need to seriously support my daughter (and to the poster who said to make red raspberry leaf tea - I already have some!)
I do feel that my daughter will be just fine. At her last birth, I was very careful to show nothing but positive energy for her. I will do the same for this birth!
Now I'm going to read up on everything I can find!