Parenting with Love and Logic?

[joanq]

Anyone know anything about this program?

They offer it at my community hospital, and the description sounded good but when I looked further into it I'm not sure if it is what I'm going for.

I also realized it is 4 classes and we are going to have a new baby, so that poses some logistical issues.

My 4 1/2 year old son and husband are butting heads (A LOT) and my husband isn't dealing with it very effectively and has been talking to my mom about how he "needs a good spanking" and "taught a little respect". I've told them both in no uncertain terms that spanking was off the table and I would not allow them to use any form of physical punishment (and sent them links to reasons why spanking isn't effective). They've both agreed that they won't but are at a loss as to what to do next. My mom lives with us and is his caregiver while I work part time.

I thought a class where someone besides me gave him some strategies would be good, and he isn't the type to read a book (well, he reads books, but I don't think he would sit down and read a parenting book. His Bradley Husband Coached Childbirth is still sitting on the shelf, he insists he's going to read it but I'm almost 34 weeks already).

Any suggestions for a parenting strategies class that you've had good experience with, please let me know. I did compile several links from Dr. Sears about shaping behaviors, as well as some stuff to let him know at 4 1/2 it is normal developmentally to start expressing anger and pushing the boundaries. But I do think it may be better coming from someone else.

Thanks.

[sparklefairy]

I personally did *not* have a good experience with Love and Logic classes -- I found them to be short on both love and logic. (You can do a search on past threads.) Some of it definitely came from the instructors, but a lot was in the videos.

I'm trying to think of videos that might be helpful, if you think he might watch those. "Happiest Toddler on the Block" was useful, but your son is a bit older.

[joanq]

Thank you for your response. Reading some of the reviews of the program made me a little nervous about just the thing you said. That is pretty much off the table.

I'm pleased to say I emailed our wonderful preschool teacher (coop preschool, she is really amazing) and she sent me some information about local resources that are exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm hoping that just through showing my mom & husband that I am not "being soft" on my son, but that I am actually following well thought out, researched ways of dealing with *normal developmental behavior* (this is the hardest for them, they aren't seeing it as a stage) they will begin to see what I mean.

It was wonderful when the two articles the teacher sent me were talking about exactly the stuff I sat down and told my mom and husband today. I think we are on the road to some understanding and consistency.

[boheime]

I do not find love and logic to be gentle discipline at all.

What about showing them the video Unconditional Parenting and then typing up some techniques to use (UP is great but just kind of leaves people hanging after introducing the philosophy to them).

[LynnS6]

We did a class that was loosely based on Love and Logic - my dh summed it up as "too much logic and not enough love". I believe the original idea was meant for teenagers and older children, and I can see where it could be useful for parents of teenagers. But for little kids? It's not my favorite. It's not a bad starter approach for someone moving from spanking to non-spanking, but I think there are better approaches out there.

Would he watch a DVD or listen to an audio book? There are some good ones. Though, there is some value in doing a class, because it gives you a chance to talk about parenting with each other.

[joanq]

Thanks for the suggestions! We have never been a spanking house, this has only come up as his last ditch idea when he couldn't figure out what else to do.

I just saw last night the UP DVD, and I ordered it. I already have the book and I think it will be good just to get him THINKING in a different way. I can offer him lots of techniques to use, but I have to change the way he is thinking about discipline (he still thinks along the lines of punishment it seems).

[peachespoe]

I am a big reader of parenting books. My favorite parenting/discipline book so far is a book called "Parenting With Purpose : Progressive Discipline From Birth to Four" by Lynda Madison. I found it at a local library, but I think it is out of print. You can buy used copies on Amazon.

The book is very positive discipline based and gives techniques for specific behavorial issues. I know you said your husband isn't a reader, but you could read it and summarize to DH. It is also an easy read, so maybe he would be into it.

[chicagosarah]

We went through a Love and Logic course and I was a bit horrified at how the founder's son (who is a facilitator with his father now) would get this maniacal look of glee at the chance to subject his children to the techniques of L&L.

I recommend buying the Unconditional Parenting DVD and watching it on a regular basis for inspiration, and for practical guidelines on dealing with difficult behavior, Laura Davis and Janis Keyser's book Becoming the Parent You Want to Be has a very lengthy chapter on that: http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html

I also highly recommend the articles on this site: http://www.empathic-parenting.com/index_articles.htm

I was also moved by Naomi Aldort's book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves (http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Our-Ch.../dp/1887542329) I think for me personally, parenting has been difficult because I did not have good models growing up, and I have my own issues from having been parented poorly. Both Naomi's book and Alfie Kohn's Unconditional Parenting brought up some painful issues but also reinforced my desire to do things differently with my daughter.

My 5 yr old has a very strong personality, and I have found that punishments do not work with her and that she will not accept any form of discipline unless it is done in a gentle and respectful manner. Of course, getting her to treat us with gentleness and respect is another matter, but I can only hope that over time that setting an example for her will have a deeper impact than harsh forms of punishment.

Hope that helps!

[emmaegbert]

OP, your DH sounds a bit like mine, as do your issues. My son is newly 5, we have an 8mo baby. DH was spanked and punished as a child, I was not. He totally does not WANT to repeat a punitive parenting model, but doesn't have a good model for how to be different, when the going gets rough. And, I have many great discipline books and parenting books and he has NEVER read one of them. And LOL, he is an avid reader.

I am trying to organize a "positive discipline" class in our apt complex, if that doesn't work I'm ready to pay to go take the classes. I think that he needs to have it imposed like that, and that a structured time to really talk about discipline and goals of parenting together. I like the UP message and mindset, but agree that its short on actual strategies. Positive Discipline so far seems like the most practical "system" that has basic tenets I agree with. There are trainers all over in Positive Discipline- maybe worth looking into? I haven't taken the class yet though so I can't speak to it.

Several parents I really respect have taken a course here called "redirecting children's behavior" that they speak highly of. They say the teachers sometimes call it "redirecting parents' behavior"

GL!