Spending old age alone

[anon_abroad]

There are many factors that contribute to why coming to terms with spending my old age alone has become an issue for me, and I would like to prepare mentally and financially. I would like to know if you think about it and if you think about details such as becoming elderly and/or ill and not being able to take care of yourself alone. Do you already think about what you will do, are you already preparing in some way? Does this effect choices such as where you look for housing NOW during separation?
I live in a different continent from my own family, am hoping to separate this coming year from my H, which means I should be preparing for life alone in a rural area, where I am not a 'native' of the community. Many of my friends, most of the people who are important to me, are foreign, like me.
I even think like, do I want to be buried here? Even after a separation will I be attached to this place? I think I do, but still, do you think about this too?

[meemee]

do i think about it? no.

has it crossed my mind. yes.

but then it crossed my mind at 20 also.

i too am from a different continent. once i finish school i iwll be living in a 3rd continent. where i will have to start over fresh again - with everything.

and no i dont plan for it or 'worry' about it. i am the kind that takes the 'cross the bridge' when the time comes philosophy.

however i dont feel a foreigner. i feel that the whole world is my home. i have friends from everywhere including the country i was born in and the continent i will be going to.

the only thing i have taken care of is if anything happened to me what would happen to my dd.

instead of being buried or burnt i would love to be fed to the lions. but that aint gonna happen.... so. maybe if i am rich and my dd can afford it i can be fed to the vultures either in india or tibetian china. seriously its something i've wanted as a little girl.

'old age' is not far away for me. by my age my xinlaws had already got their retirement years organised. but that's not my style and i dont plan on 'doing' anything.

[meandmine]

It's on my list of things to ponder in the wee hours of the morning. I am planning my next home based on expectations of less mobility (with a bad knee and hip, I already hate the stairs in our house).

But, I plan to spend those years busy, volunteering, in a book club, a scrapbooking club, taking classes and hopefully spending time with kids and grandkids. I assume I will have a rich, full life.

Then there is yea old elder care and ultimately nursing home, if necessary, but often, by the time any of us reach that point we are widows or widowers -- so you go out alone no matter what your marital status. Just plan to make it as positive as possible.

M

[its_our_family]

I don't intend to spend them completely alone. I will have my boys and hopefully grandchildren. Plus, I haven't given up on being partnered again.

[eccomama]

Originally Posted by its_our_family

I don't intend to spend them completely alone. I will have my boys and hopefully grandchildren. Plus, I haven't given up on being partnered again.

those are my thoughts too. i have my dd, maybe another one either thru adoption or a partner, not given up on that yet.

[RollerCoasterMama]

I never really pictured growing old with someone. When I married, I figured I would...but statistically, even if I were partnered for the next several decades, chances are that I'd still end my days single. That's just how it usually works out. Financially, I'm more equipped to retire comfortably if it's just myself (STBX is over 40 without a penny of retirement savings). And I'll continue to plan towards that eventuality.

I too plan to stay busy--family, friends, hobbies, pets. And when I get to where I need a little extra help around, I will make arrangements to move somewhere with graduating levels of assistance. I'm watching my grandparents struggle now and I'm in total agreement with my mother---it's better to be proactive and do it while it's still a choice and not a crisis.

And if life brings me more children and/or a partner...so be it. None of those plans needs to be exclusive to me being single!

But it's good to think about it. The troubles come when people ignore the inevitable and live 100% for today. Tomorrow does happen whether we want it to or not and a little preparedness is a great asset.

[cheesestix]

Hi Anon!

Some of my girlfriends (female friends) chose spinsterhood, while others are divorced. Most are in their 40-ish, and are worried about their future when they reach retirement years. As you might know, it's hard to age alone particularly if you have sickness because no one will take care of you when you need care. Your parents and siblings won't stay with you forever -- that's reality! If you think you are going to live alone, you should save enough and insure yourself. Death is like criminal; you wouldn't know when it will attack you. Just wanna share a site where you can read good articles and resources http://www.completelongtermcare.com/resources/

Hope that one will help

[josybear]

statistically, most women end their days alone. men have shorter life expectancy and women are usually younger than their partners, so expecting to be partnered late in life is not realistic. of course there are a million exceptions, but the general trend is towards older women being single.

i'd be more afraid of my later years if i didn't have kids. elders without children are, in my experience, much more alone than the ones with kids. i don't expect my boys to be tied to the apron strings when they're adults, but i have hopes that we will be appropriately close.

as well, i enjoy solitude. of course there are limits to my capacity, but i feel well equipped to spend time on my own, thinking my thoughts. a partner would be nice, but i'll plan to be on my own and if someone comes along i'll be pleasantly surprised.

[butterfly1976]

I have to agree with Josybear about women living longer, etc. It's usually women who end up old and alone. To be honest, I don't have that fear. It's never been a fear of mine. Maybe it goes back cause I'm an only child and I've been alone many times in my life. I'm more worried about being poor than old.

My dad died two years ago, and I've seen what my mom has went through with having a big yard (2 acres) and the headaches of all of that. We help her with all of it, but there's just some stuff that I don't know how to do. Like when things fall apart (lawn mowers & cars).

I hope my kids and me are still very close and they can help me out from time to time if I need it. I hate to say this, but if I'm old and really sick (with something really, really bad), I'd rather just die then suffer for years. Plus, I'd hate to burden my family in that regard. My mom works in a nursing home....and I know some people need just a little help to get by, but I think for some people passing away might be a blessing to them.

Sorry if I trailed off........

[mommy_to_2angels]

I imagine that I will end up alone (partnerless) in old age. My family is very long lived, Great Grandmother is 91 and still alive; Great great grandma was 105; grandpa was 94, etc etc. So I figure I've got a decent shot of living a long time. But I want to be as independent as my great grandmother is too. If I have to depend on others, I don't want to live. It's that simple. I don't want to be a burden. But that's my personal choice.

[mexicali mami]

I plan on having an awesome community of friends. I will probably keep falling in and out of love so I don't know if there will be a romantic partner, but I really do hope to have the kind of quality friends that are actually better than your blood relatives because you picked them. And of course, money will help. I hope to acquire enough savings in my working years to be able to stop someday and just hang out with my friends. And enjoy the solitude as well of course.

[simplemama32]

It's interesting to read everyone's replies...

This is a subject I try not to dwell on, but it has crossed my mind, especially since STBX and I separated. I think I would be okay with being alone (the solitude part of that), but it is very hard for me to imagine life without my parents and some of my older relatives and friends. Even if they aren't always with me, I know they're out there somewhere, thinking of me from time to time, and me thinking about them. There's alone, and then there's Alone, you know? It may be selfish -- or only human -- to want to have at least one person out there in the great wide world who loves you and cares about your existence and who thinks your small, simple life has made a difference in some way, but I do want that.

I started a lot of the preparation for my later years a long time ago-- retirement planning, insurance, will, etc. but other than that, I just hope to live a full, rich, joyful life. I would love to have the blessing of another partner and/or more children one day, but I don't want to expect it, and I think I'm a little (well, a *lot*) too close to the loss of one marriage/relationship/partner/dream to think forward much at all.

[meemee]

you know mamas i think we are conditioned to think we are alone if we have no relatives. be they siblings, parents, SO or children.

but i see so many examples of how this doesnt HAVE TO be.

a lot depends on how you choose to live your life.

and i am seeing this more and more and even in the reitirement community i was involved with.

for instance in a cohousing community, the whole community came to help a mama with brain cancer. her parents came to live with her and help but they were much too old. so the whole community came over to help. and even helped her make her decision of which family to adopt out her toddler son to.

in the retirement community i saw a lot of non partenered people being adopted by people they had helped out. in fact those alone were the ones who had family and SO.

now i am only talking about one retirement community. but a lot of the people in charge and caregivers were non family members of those with families because their family members lived in another part of the country.

we had a family member living the opposite end of the country from us. one of his grand nephews friend looked after him and kept tabs on the family member till he passed. we all supported through telephone calls.