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Hatred of photo taking - Page 9

post #161 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
So the feelings of the people who don't want to be photographed (and for whom it is a big deal to be forced to do it, whether you believe it or not) don't matter. The feelings of the people who want the photos do matter.
Their feelings matter. Doing things you don't feel like doing (on an emotional, comfortable level) because you think they would be a good idea (on an intellectual level) is the mark of maturity. In a cooperative family, everyone bends a little and this builds strong relationships.

My example of my MIL, who hates being photographed, is a model of how this can work out. She hates being photographed, and we value her comfort--however, we also value having photographs of her. So she and I and everyone in the family bends a little. She allows a couple photos under her conditions, and we mostly point our cameras elsewhere. Life is going to be full of negotiations like this for every child/teen/adult-- one can't always get one's way-- and would they be happy if they could? Flexibility is key to having good relationships.
post #162 of 189
It's not about "the perfect photo". Obviously there are people who can take things to extremes. That's not good in either direction.

It's not good to loose sight of the event because you are so focused on getting the perfect photo. And it's not good to be so focused on not being photographed because you are don't enjoy anything.
post #163 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by JL83 View Post
It's not about "the perfect photo". Obviously there are people who can take things to extremes. That's not good in either direction.

It's not good to loose sight of the event because you are so focused on getting the perfect photo. And it's not good to be so focused on not being photographed because you are don't enjoy anything.
No, I know. I don't think anyone in this thread is ruining family events with their excessive photo taking, I was just giving an example of where my personal philosophy that photos aren't a big deal may have come from -- I vowed to never be that photo-obsessed, and may have gone rather far in the other direction, to the point where if LionTigerBear's MIL was my MIL, I probably just wouldn't have any photos of her, because her preference to not be photographed would be fine with me and I wouldn't see it as a mark of immaturity or an issue that required compromise. But I would have memories of her, and journal notes about the things we did together, and items that reminded me of her, etc., and that would be perfectly sufficient for me.
post #164 of 189
Interesting discussion.

I'm just chiming in to say I own one of 4 photographs of a very dear friend who died at a young age. Seriously, there are only 4 photos of him as an adult in existence. The one i have, his hair is covering his face...

Another friend of mine, hates to be photographed, but since he has been given an expiration date, he'll sit for a photo if he gets to veto.

Life is very short.
post #165 of 189
OMG!!!! Your signature!!! I've been QUOTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blush
post #166 of 189
I think people have a right to not have their pictures taken if they don't want their pictures taken. Other people's desire to have photos of them doesn't trump their own rights over what to do with themselves.
post #167 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by seashells View Post
OMG!!!! Your signature!!! I've been QUOTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blush
Is this the first time you saw this?
post #168 of 189
I've only read the first page. I hate hate hate having pictures taken of me. I do not photograph well at all and I hate that that is the way I'll be remembered. But I do love pictures and I want there to be pictures of me with my kids when I'm gone.

Is there any compromise you two can come up with? You know, you don't always try to get a picture of her and she sits for a family photo a few times a year?
post #169 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by LionTigerBear View Post
The "what's the big deal" is about the simple chore of sitting and smiling-- maybe even taking a little longer to prepare for photography if you feel more comfortable doing that. That's not a lot to ask of someone who doesn't have mental/emotional disabilities.

Having photos for memories IS a big deal to an awful lot of people.


OP, I know I felt really ugly when I was 13-15. My mom took me to get a haircut and it was awful and I felt even worse. None of my clothing looked good on me because I didn't know how to dress my newly changing body type and still look trendy. I was petite and a little bit chubby, so teen clothing just didn't fit me well. I SO wish someone had taken me in hand and given me a total makeover-- taught me how to dress, helped me choose a cute and functional wardrobe that fit and was flattering-- including shoes, helped me with a hairstyle and knowing how to care for it, and makeup. This might not apply to your daughter at all but if it does-- well it's an idea.
For me, the "big deal" is what is behind the discomfort and addressing that, if necessary. Frankly, I think that not wanting to be photographed does not have to be for any "reason" other than the dislike of being photographed. However, if it is for other reasons that can or need to be addressed, then address them. If it somebody who feels "ugly" and needs help with self-esteem and/or simply hairstyling, then address the self-esteem issue and forget the photos for a while. If it is a symptom of depression, then deal with the depression and forget the photos for a while. But, again, if it is a well-adjusted person that just does not like to have their image "memorialized" and circulated, or just does not feel photogenic, then just repsect that and find another way to memorialize a special (or daily) event, perhaps by actually enjoying the event as family rather than stressing about having or not having a photo. My DD's "family portrait" drawings of us, "I luv mame and dade" cards, and warm hugs and kisses are as special to me as photographs (actually more so as they are FROM HER rather than imposed upon her). Again, I am sure that I would feel sad and disappointed if DD does not want to be photographed at some point, but I would rather spend that time to build a supportive and respectful relationship, which will have a positive and long-lasting impact on my DD's life and my life as her very proud mama - something that a photograph can NEVER achieve.
post #170 of 189
I've only read half the thread, but I can say I relate to OP's daughter. I never minded having my picture taken, but I was definitely an angry young teenager (13-15 were pretty horrible years for me).
I think part being 14, and saying (as best you can) "I don't want my picture taken" is about control, and trying to establish it. I think it is best to give kids (who are people, regardless of whether or not we birthed and raised them) some slack and let them make some of their own decisions.
post #171 of 189
Quote:
The "what's the big deal" is about the simple chore of sitting and smiling-- maybe even taking a little longer to prepare for photography if you feel more comfortable doing that. That's not a lot to ask of someone who doesn't have mental/emotional disabilities.
No, it's not about sitting and smiling. As has been repeatedly said in this thread, it's about a LOT more than that. It's about knowing people you know and people you don't know will be looking at your image and possibly judging you on it. It's about feeling cornered and forced to perform. It's about the loss of control, personal violation, humiliation... it's about a lot of things. And if they don't apply to you, super, but that does NOT mean they don't apply to other people, or that they must be trivial.

Even though I'm mostly over my photophobia, I still find it slightly creepy when people I don't know say "Oh, your mum showed me your wedding photos". It makes me think, A, "Why would you care about seeing the photos of someone you don't know?", and B, "They're kind of personal, I'm not too comfortable with this". The sitting-and-smiling was over years ago, but the weird factor is still there. No, I'm not "suffering" for it, just mildly uncomfortable; but back in the day when I really hated having my photo taken, I would have been very disturbed to know people I didn't know were ogling my photos.
post #172 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
No, I know. I don't think anyone in this thread is ruining family events with their excessive photo taking, I was just giving an example of where my personal philosophy that photos aren't a big deal may have come from -- I vowed to never be that photo-obsessed, and may have gone rather far in the other direction, to the point where if LionTigerBear's MIL was my MIL, I probably just wouldn't have any photos of her, because her preference to not be photographed would be fine with me and I wouldn't see it as a mark of immaturity or an issue that required compromise. But I would have memories of her, and journal notes about the things we did together, and items that reminded me of her, etc., and that would be perfectly sufficient for me.

Better to enjoy the moment rather than worry about whether it is memorialized "properly" - there are so many alternatives to cherish and memorialize the moment.
post #173 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiekisses View Post
If I was to quote everything here, it'll be a freakishly long post, I basically agree with everything that MD said. He's a smart person.
Total ^5 to this!! I enjoy his posts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post
""I can't imagine how putting another family member in a painful or uncomfortable position in order to get a "perfect picture" would make anybody feel good in the end. Yes, the picture may look nice to outsiders, but what it represents is, well, not so very nice or thoughtful. What a sad testament to "family love".""

This is what it all boils down to, to me.
Yeah! That!!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by amma_mama View Post
For me, the "big deal" is what is behind the discomfort and addressing that, if necessary. Frankly, I think that not wanting to be photographed does not have to be for any "reason" other than the dislike of being photographed. However, if it is for other reasons that can or need to be addressed, then address them. If it somebody who feels "ugly" and needs help with self-esteem and/or simply hairstyling, then address the self-esteem issue and forget the photos for a while. If it is a symptom of depression, then deal with the depression and forget the photos for a while. But, again, if it is a well-adjusted person that just does not like to have their image "memorialized" and circulated, or just does not feel photogenic, then just repsect that and find another way to memorialize a special (or daily) event, perhaps by actually enjoying the event as family rather than stressing about having or not having a photo. My DD's "family portrait" drawings of us, "I luv mame and dade" cards, and warm hugs and kisses are as special to me as photographs (actually more so as they are FROM HER rather than imposed upon her). Again, I am sure that I would feel sad and disappointed if DD does not want to be photographed at some point, but I would rather spend that time to build a supportive and respectful relationship, which will have a positive and long-lasting impact on my DD's life and my life as her very proud mama - something that a photograph can NEVER achieve.

And this too!!!


I abhor getting my picture being taken. I empathize with your daughter.

I agree that there might be reasons behind it, but until you find out what those reasons are (and can maybe get her past them) honor her wishes.
And even if she isn't able to get past having to have her picture taken (some of us never do) then that's her prerogative.
post #174 of 189
Totally off topic but....

Wee, people enjoy my posts! *does a little happy dance, no pictures please*
post #175 of 189
Totally read most of the thread rather quickly, here are my thoughts:

Totally agree with BOTH sides A) good to respect a person's right to say no, but I also think B) that it's okay to insist on some family pics.

I was the 'take my picture and die' teenager as well - and my mother totally insisted. I'm the oldest of five kids, and the truth is that I'm ecstatically happy she made me be in some pictures. We never had to do the cheesy smile thing, but I look back now and am so thankful for the memories. Even the scowling ones
post #176 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Totally off topic but....

Wee, people enjoy my posts! *does a little happy dance, no pictures please*
I often enjoy what you have to say, as well.
post #177 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Totally off topic but....

Wee, people enjoy my posts! *does a little happy dance, no pictures please*
I have actually been meaning to tell you that if you were straight, I would totally be in love with you
post #178 of 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnyflakes View Post
I have actually been meaning to tell you that if you were straight, I would totally be in love with you
You know, you can still be in love with him, even if he's gay. Totally possible. :nana
post #179 of 189
Yeah, it just won't go anywhere.
post #180 of 189
Sooo, have you seen this website?

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/

Maybe she could end up there! Maybe you could show her this site, just to make her laugh. I know I always do.
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