Hatred of photo taking - Page 10

[boysmom2]

I haven't read all of the replies, but I'm glad you're getting your daughter some help. I was very depressed off and on throughout my childhood and teenaged years and when I was at my lowest, the thought of having my picture taking was devastating. This may not be what's going on with your daughter, but that's what I thought of right away. Good luck, OP. Your dd is lucky to have such a kind, caring mom.

[bender]

Just scrapbook with the bad pictures. Scrapbooks don't have to look like the demo ones in magazines. Even if they aren't perfect, they are still a representation of who your child is today.

[Tigerchild]

Originally Posted by bender

Just scrapbook with the bad pictures. Scrapbooks don't have to look like the demo ones in magazines. Even if they aren't perfect, they are still a representation of who your child is today.

But pictures *aren't* a representation of "who you are". They are an image of your physical being, yes. But smiles can be faked (my family's pictures were always literally perfect--but our life was absolute hell). Just because someone grimaces or doesn't like their picture taken--it doesn't mean that the grimace or hand is who they are either!!

I think that is what creeps me out about this whole thing. People are acting like it's either vital to have photographs or they provide evidence of...I dunno what. Character? Happiness? But they don't. Sometimes pictures can reflect reality, but that's not always the case.

The OP has said over and over that her daughter is a kind, non-bratty, good kid. Yet because she won't do pictures, people on this thread have been saying some pretty demeaning things about her or "people who don't like their photo taken". If she turns her head a way in a picture, that doesn't represent who she is--that's why the OP was sad about it, right? Because those pictures DON'T reflect who she is.

And if they don't, and the kiddo doesn't want them, is it really that horrible to grant her her wish and find more creative ways to keep a memory book?

[choli]

Originally Posted by lach

I think that's a really unfair comparison.

I also disagree that no one has the right to take a photograph of someone else. Even besides the fact that there's a pretty strong legal precedence about the rights of photographers, I'm sorry but I do think it's a god-given parental right to take a picture of the kids at Christmas to send to Grandma. I guess we're just going to have to disagree.

Wow. A "god-given" parental right? On what do you base that religious theory?

I think it's amusing that after so many threads where strangers taking random photos of kids in public is presented as practically child molestation, now forced photography by parents is a god given right.

[Alathia]

Wow, this was a highly interesting read! I'm a photographer, so I'm always taking pictures. If someone was truely uncomfortable with their picture being taken, I work around that. I agree with those who think that it's not a right to take pictures of your kids. Even though they are your kids, they have feelings as well, and telling them to suck it up and be uncomfortable would be a power struggle I would not do.

OP you seem to have come to a great decision regarding your DD. Since she is 14, I also agree with those that think it's a phase. If you stop pushing it, maybe she'll come around in a few more years. You could have the opposite problem with her taking a gazillion inappropriate pictures and plastering them all over her myspace or whatnot!

Some ideas for family pictures though - maybe do a cartoon drawing of the family? Or, take a family picture from the backside (all of you not looking at the camera, or just directly from your back). Or a reflection shot - all of you looking into a pond or something. Or a shot where you're all holding something to obscure faces - books, scarves, cameras, etc. That way it you're at least giving the person who doesn't want to be photographed some options where they're not forced to sit and smile and pretend. There's no set thing that states that family pictures have to be posed and forced upon people who really don't want their picture taken.

This year, since I couldn't get a decent family shot, our holiday card was individual pictures of all of us - including a crying one of my youngest since he wouldn't smile for the camera. I would rather have those picture depict his true nature than a fake smile.

[PlayaMama]

Originally Posted by choli

Wow. A "god-given" parental right? On what do you base that religious theory?

I think it's amusing that after so many threads where strangers taking random photos of kids in public is presented as practically child molestation, now forced photography by parents is a god given right.

how did i miss the irony in that before? i think you're totes right.

[PlayaMama]

Originally Posted by MusicianDad

Totally off topic but....

Wee, people enjoy my posts! *does a little happy dance, no pictures please*

must get the camera to memorialize this happy dance

[Linda on the move]

I don't think any one has the right to take a picture of another person without their blessing. Being their parent or child doesn't change that.

My 13 year old much prefers to take photos than to be in them. She's learning to make her photos into other things and likes helping with the scrap book. There's no reason for this to be a power struggle.

My DD is fine with us snapping candid shots while she is doing something else. She is figuring out that some of the pictures come out OK, and some don't, and we can toss the one's she doesn't like.

We don't do posed photos at all and we don't include a family photo with Christmas cards. We used to when the kids were little, but it just seems funky to me know. If that's important to you, let HER take the photo. Give her some power and respect.

[tireesix]

I hate my photo being taken, DH hates his photo being taken, there are very few photos of me or DH with the children and my family hates it but its stiff biccies.

If one of my children turn out the same then so be it.

My desire for a photograph is less important than their desire to not be photographed, despite my cruddy memory, I have every day with them and even if I don't, I know how I feel about them, I don't need a photo to remember the things that are so ingrained in me, my personality, the way sleeping without my babies feels so weird and the feeling when I have them right next to me.

I have no right to anybodies image.

As for them feeling unloved later because there are no photos of them, photos do not prove love and she will remember how she decided not to have photos. In fact, I suspect she will remember more love because you decided to respect her wishes rather than the displeasure at being pressured to be in a photo.

If it is about control as you say it is, then I would suggest you find out why she feels she needs this control, it seems to be a much better way of approaching the situation rather than forcing her.

ETA: Also, for those who think you should just force her and/or that if she turned round when she is older and wanted nothing to do with you because if your lack of respect for her body.......... I was forced to dress up for photos and to have photos and I despised it, absolutely despised it and guess what, out of all of them I only have a kinda ok relationship with 2 of them (my step mum and dad) because they finally decided to just let go and respect me for WHO I AM (kinda, I still get crap for vegetarianism).

To my gran, I said in the end at the age of 23 (finally) 'I AM NOT your doll to dress up and do with as you please, I am a PERSON'.

I said the same thing to my mum. My mum cont being an a hole about it and we no longer speak, in fact I have no contact with that side of the family.

My gran at least kinda stopped and we kinda kept on good terms til she died.

I have zillions of photos of my kids but I filter through them all really carefully until I find the really good ones and only those will do and they have to be good.

I send family photos of my girls but it is on the understanding that the photos are for them only, I don't mind them showing the odd the person but I do not want what happened to me, happening to my children, I was treated as a thing and being pretty (which I supposedly was back then, long legged, blonde, blue eyed, athletic) made it ten times worse 'but your so pretyy', so what, because I am pretty I should just like to be photographed????????? What you look like shouldn't matter, its your feelings that count.

I have no photos of my dead brother, don't need them, in fact, we don't have any photos of any of my family, we don't need them.

My step son despises his photo being taken, he will on occasion allow it (he is 13 BTW) and it doesn't bother me because is his right to not want photos. It might be nice to have photos of him with the girls but it is not essential.

In fact, thinking about it, DH, DSS and I are very much into photography, we prefer to be on the other end side of the camera.