is this cio? wwyd?

[koalove]

i know this is a common problem but i have np clue how other moms handle this. ds2, who is a week short of 6 months old, was a great sleeper from day 1. woke up 2 times between 11pm and 6 am. i fed him and he went right back to sleep. i should add that he is bottle fed and sleeps next to me in a co sleeper. so, his sleep has gotten worse and worse. hes waking many times and hes difficult to get back down. he wakes, i feed him, put him on my shoulder and wait until he is sound asleep and then transfer him to the co-sleeper. he wakes up. every time, so i pick him up, and start the process all over. it takes 3-4 tries to do the transfer without waking him. with ds1, i was nursing, so i think i just nursed him and we fell asleep. we slept like that all night. boob in mouth. so now, if ive fed ds2, let him sleep on my shoulder and transferred him, if he wakes up, is it ok to lay next to him, rub his back and help him sleep while he cries? i can sing to him, touch him etc. but i just feel that i can not do this all night long. it takes 1-2 hours to do this process each time he wakes, 2-3 times. im not getting much sleep. is this cry it out? i dont want to do that but i also dont want to repeat what i did with ds1 which is that he can not sleep without me holding him or feeding him. he was still having trouble sleeping at 3. now, at almost 5, its finally getting better.
is it totally wrong to let ds2 cry even though im right with him? will he learn after a few nights that he can help himself to sleep? should i get a pacifier? he doesnt have that endless need to suck so i dont know if that will work. should i just suck it up and let him sleep on my (aching) shoulders? i know this is part of parenting and im not at the end of my rope or anyhting, i just want to establish good sleeping patterns now. i also want to add that he naps fine in the day~ he falls asleep and i lay him down, one time, he naps, then wakes later. they are short~ 30-60 minutes, but its easy and quick to get him down. ideas? experiences? anything is helpful. thanks!

[Maluhia]

If you are comforting a child then it is not CIO in my opinion.

That being said I'm not certain that one person can "establish" good patterns for another person, it really is an internal thing. At six to nine months there are a lot of regressions, teething, first solid foods, possible allergies and growth suprts that could add to your baby wanting to eat more all which could be the causes of the extra waking/transfer issues.

I'm not against the idea of creating rythms, quiet time, etc. where you sooth in a dark/dim room with him between feedings in fact I think responding quietly in dark rooms with cuddles helps them feel cared for AND sets the body clock for dark/quiet/sleep later in life. Maybe add a feeding, look into reflux or other issues causing the difficulty sleeping and also remember that as they learn new things (sitting, crawling) they become even more physically aware and sleep is often interrupted.

I think 5 is pretty normal for sleep settling out but each child is different and I bet this younger guy may settle out before then, after all he seems like an amazing sleeper for the first six months!

[koalove]

he did just get his first tooth, with seemingly no teething pain thanks to his amber necklace. and he is starting to crawl. he has no problem getting to sleep after he eats, and hes not eating more, just having trouble settling when i transfer him, so my thought is to transfer him and then comfort him by patting, shhhhhshing, singing etc. if he cries (which he shurely will) and see if hell go to sleep. how long is too long, if i do decide to do this? it also seems like if i wait to do it utill there isnt a reason such as teething, learning a new skill etc. then there will never be an opportunity. more advice is welcome....is this a good idea or a bad one?

[weasleyx]

Personally, I think that if you are right there with him, comforting him, patting, shhshing, and such, then it is not CIO. CIO is putting him in a room alone, and leaving him there to cry by himself. If after say, a few minutes, he is still crying, he may truly need to be held / fed / etc. Also, I don't think trying a pacifier is a bad idea. He might like it, he might not, but it's worth a shot because it does help many babies. Another thought - have you tried swaddling? I find that it helps with transferring because they don't move as much, and it may be less likely to wake them.
Good luck!

[eclipse]

If you're cosleeping, can you feed him his bottle while he's laying in the cosleeper, cuddled up with him as if you were breastfeeding in bed? Will he fall asleep that way? It seems like the transfer is what's causing the problem, so maybe eliminating the transfer is the first thing to try.

[VisionaryMom]

If DD ever fell asleep with one of us holding her sitting upright, she woke up when we tried to lie down, even with her in the bed next to us. We had to slooowly move positions. It felt weird because we'd move her a few inches, wait for her breathing to settle, move a few more inches. It was a long (and sometimes hilarious, tbh) process, but it was faster than her waking and then having such a hard time getting back to sleep.

[flowers]

I don't think it's cio if you are present and comforting.

I agree with pp about trying to eliminate the transfer.

Good luck :-)

[penstamon]

I agree that it is not CIO if ou are there comforting. Sometimes babies will cry and as long as you are there with them comforting them then that's all you can do. You can't force yourself to forgo sleep forever while keeping him in the position. DS was like this a few months ago to some extent, but now he has gotten better with transferring although it can take a couple repeated cycles of pickup, comfort, lay down, pat- cry- pickup, comfort, etc.

In regards to how long to leave him there while he cries- I usually wait until I feel his upset escalating. Often he fusses but quiets down in time. If it seems like he is getting more distressed, I pick him up and comfort.

As long as you feel that you are not doing something wrong, go with it. It seems like there are so many gray areas in parenting and we all have very unique situations.

[koalove]

yes, eliminate the transfer is a great idea. theres 2 reasons i thik that will be hard. 1 is that i think he really needs to burp after eating~ if he doesnt burp he spits up when i lay him down. the other is that hes a belly sleeper and when i have tried to let him sleep on his back, he wakes up waaaay more frequently. and obviously i cant swaddle him and put him on his belly, or can i? doesnt seem safe...so, i guess maybe tonight since dh has tomorrow off, ill try letting him cry for a few minutes when i put him back in. ill let you know how it goes!