SO PISSED - DH left DS sleeping in a running car

[azmomtoone]

to go in and grab pizza.

And acts like I'm overreacting to be angry.

My first thought (and what I said) was that a running 'empty' car in a parking lot is going to be the target if someone wants to steal a vehicle.

2nd, that if someone saw DS sleeping in there and decided to call the cops then he could be taken away from us. I don't know if that's actually true or not - does anyone know where I can find laws (google is not helping me here). In Arizona.

I KNOW it's illegal to leave a kid in the car, here if not everywhere....
There was a poster up at the library all summer about leaving your DOG in the car, that if an officer found it the dog would be taken away & you 'could' be arrested.
Um....so a KID?!
DH doesn't believe it's illegal.

I'm really just pissed now that it would even occur to him....I don't know how many times I've left places w/out going in (ie - dropping off library books, mailing stuff at the post office, running into the store for a couple things) because DS had fallen asleep & I didn't want to wake him & deal with him fussy. OR if I HAD to do it then, woken him up & dealt with the crying for the few quick minutes. (and most parents have had to make that choice one way or another, right?) And we've had this conversation several times about how we used to wait in the car for various reasons as kids, and as parents now don't have that option.

DH says "well the pizza was done and it only took two minutes". (called ahead to order, just picking up, they don't deliver here....) OK - Except no way he could have known that his was done before he went in.

*and FWIW, not that it makes a difference, DS would not have gone w/ if we thought he'd fall asleep, it's still 2 hours before he usually goes to bed. It's about a 7 min drive.....

[chiara]

grrr. I've left kids in the car for a minute to go grab a pizza, but with the car off and locked and in plain sight. car running .... those days are over, imo.

[azmomtoone]

Originally Posted by chiara

grrr. I've left kids in the car for a minute to go grab a pizza, but with the car off and locked and in plain sight. car running .... those days are over, imo.

Seriously? You don't worry about someone grabbing the kids, or seeing them and calling the police (or maybe someone who is a police officer being there seeing them?)
Recently?

[MommyKelly]

I was told it is illigal to leve a child under 6 alone in the car in Arizona.

Hugs Mama! I would be livid.

[luv-my-boys]

yes in AZ it is illegal to leave a child (not sure what age 5 or 6) unattended in a vehicle regardless of it running or not. At the very least you would get a ticket, not sure what the fine is but here in CA in our county it is $500 and they "may" refer to CPS. IMO I wouldnt do it even if it were legal. Too many what if's

[SunshineJ]

Originally Posted by azmomtoone

Seriously? You don't worry about someone grabbing the kids, or seeing them and calling the police (or maybe someone who is a police officer being there seeing them?)
Recently?

This is something that's debated periodically here, and the end result is basically that the laws vary by state and area, and in some areas that's a common practice, whereas in others it's absolutely not acceptable. I can understand why you're upset with your dh. Forget the legality of it, the car was an invitation to be stolen (depending where you live) and what if someone had read ended the car.

[BrittneyMarie]

Originally Posted by luv-my-boys

I wouldnt do it even if it were legal. Too many what if's

[mamadelbosque]

meh. I've done it before - to run in and pay for gas, grab a pop, etc. And I'll wager that I'll do it again.

[DivineMrsM]

yep, i do it all the time. my 2.5 yo is not strong enough to get himself out of his seat yet. and i lock the doors so no one will steal our van. i often had to drive to even get the kid to sleep to begin with. no way was i going to wake him up for a 2 minute pick up.

as far as i know, it's not illegal here (ontario)

[philomom]

Huge no-no. Tell the dh if he endangers your child like that again, you'll no longer be able to trust him to care for his own child. And tell the shopkeeper to call the police on your dh next time it happens. Tough love!

[earthmama369]

In a safe area, where I can see my van (like right in front of a plate glass window of a pizza joint), weather permitting, I have locked my van and run in for a minute or two. In this area, I feel comfortable doing that. But I would NEVER leave a car running, keys in the ignition, with my children in the car. God forbid someone try to steal the car, or that my child chooses that minute to figure out how to get out of the carseat buckles for the first time and take the car for a test drive. Both are unlikely to happen, but likely enough that I won't risk it. It's easy enough to lock the car and take the keys with me.

[sehbub]

Originally Posted by philomom

Huge no-no. Tell the dh if he endangers your child like that again, you'll no longer be able to trust him to care for his own child. And tell the shopkeeper to call the police on your dh next time it happens. Tough love!

Really? Wow. And you don't think that's even remotely extreme and blown out of proportion? Telling the shopkeeper to call the cops? Geez.

Originally Posted by earthmama369

In a safe area, where I can see my van (like right in front of a plate glass window of a pizza joint), weather permitting, I have locked my van and run in for a minute or two. In this area, I feel comfortable doing that. But I would NEVER leave a car running, keys in the ignition, with my children in the car. God forbid someone try to steal the car, or that my child chooses that minute to figure out how to get out of the carseat buckles for the first time and take the car for a test drive. Both are unlikely to happen, but likely enough that I won't risk it. It's easy enough to lock the car and take the keys with me.

This is us too. I have no problem leaving my 2 and 3 year old in the car with the doors locked and the keys in my pocket while I run in to grab a soda/pay for gas, etc. It's a heck of a lot easier than hauling both of them out of car seats, in to coats, in to the store, wrangling both while I grab what I want/need, then back to the car, unlock it (don't have a remote), open both doors, coats off, buckled back in, and THEN get on our way/pump gas.

I've also left my big kids in the car if they don't feel like coming in the store with me while I grab a gallon of milk or something else small and quick, with my eldest (10 in Jan) holding my cell phone and again, the car locked.




To the OP - honestly, if the doors were locked and he could see the vehicle the entire time, I wouldn't vilify the man for letting the kid sleep if the area you live in is safe and not known for car-jackings. I'm sure he loves your son just as much as you do, you know? Can you honestly say you've never done something with your son that could be construed as dangerous, no matter the intention? (FWIW, co-sleeping, baby-wearing and self-feeding can all be construed as potentially dangerous depending on who you ask.)

[Peony]

It just depends where you live I guess. Big city then heck no to a running car with a child in it but very small town might be another story. I personally would of shut off the car, locked it and dashed inside, BUT I live in a small town where unlocked doors are still very common. Would I do that in a city, no. I do leave sleeping DD2 and DS in the car with it running to walk in and grab DD1 from school or help her change into dance clothes at the dance studio before dropping her off. I'm very comfortable in those places, I know the parents that pull in, I'm a very short distance away, and I can see my car. In other places I either sit in the car and wait until they wake up, wake them up, or maybe lock the car and run in if it is a few certain places that I frequent.

[urchin_grey]

YIKES.

I admit I have "left" DS in the car a couple times at the gas station but only if there are like NO other people there (like, its 3am or something) and I drive right up to the door, pay, and run back to the car and then pull up to the pump. DS is in plain sight the whole time and I'm 20 feet away at the most and it takes like 10 seconds total to get back to the car. Oh, and the car is shut off and all doors locked. Any other time though I bring him in with me, no matter how inconvenient.

[writteninkursive]

I just left my kids in the car for the first time ever last week. I have three of them, all in car seats, all under 4 years old, and I had to run in for about 50 seconds to pay a bill. There's never a line and two of the three were sleeping. I shut off that van, locked the door, and ran in the office really quick. You can't see kids in the back of a privacy-windowed van, and I don't have any idea if it's legal or not here (in Ohio). I was surprised how well it worked out! They just slept and sat happily. SOO much less work than dragging them all in. Hmm. Interesting different opinions on this. Definitely wouldn't leave them in the car with it running and unlocked! Unless I was in my own driveway.

[InstinctiveMom]

To the OP - honestly, if the doors were locked and he could see the vehicle the entire time, I wouldn't vilify the man for letting the kid sleep if the area you live in is safe and not known for car-jackings. I'm sure he loves your son just as much as you do, you know?

Ditto that for my .02. I've left my kids in the car (they're close in age and getting 2 babes out to pop in would have been ridiculous) running with the doors locked, in sight, to pop in, and would do it again. I think you're over reacting.

And this:

Huge no-no. Tell the dh if he endangers your child like that again, you'll no longer be able to trust him to care for his own child. And tell the shopkeeper to call the police on your dh next time it happens. Tough love!

IMO is taking it a bit far. Actually, WAY too far. If you disagree with his decision, then talk to him, explain your position and request that even if he disagrees, that he take your feelings into consideration in the future. You get more flies with honey, and all that. He's not smoking crack - he was picking up food. Nearly every pizza joint here is in a strip mall type place, with a glass wall in front and door parking. You're literally 10 steps from car to counter. In a similar area/situation, I just don't see this as worth "threatening" your child's father over. And... if he just wasn't thinking when he ran in and thought badly of himself for making a poor decision in hindsight, I'd be mad as hell if my spouse called a shopkeeper to keep tabs on me when I was out with my kid.

[pacificbliss]

I think i must be way paranoid. Legal or not I never leave kids in the car. Sometimes it is a real PITA but I will think things like, "what if I run in there, fall, hit my head and I'm unconscious and no one knows DS is in the car". Of course, I realize these thoughts are my issue so I would probably explain to DH that I would feel a lot better if he promised not to leave DS in the car.

[Theoretica]

I'm sorry you're so upset mama, I'm sure you mean well. At the same time, it's this kind of paranoia that leads to overprotective parenting in the first place. Your husband is a capable and loving father. Your reaction risks pushing his efforts at parenting into the background, so please reconsider chewing him out over this. It's ok if you wouldn't do it, but it's not likely anything would 'go wrong' in that situation and it sounds like your DH handled it fine.

You might want to do some reading on the concept of Free Range Parenting. I've left my children in a locked vehicle many a time and will definitely do so again. If they're asleep in their carseat while I need to run in and grab a pizza? You're darn tootin' I will!

I felt a lot like you when I had one kiddo, but with the addition of 3 more (and #5 on the way) I've added a healthy dose of realism to go with my parenting and I'm much saner and happier for it, as are my children and husband.

Good luck mama

[Theoretica]

Originally Posted by pacificbliss

I think i must be way paranoid. Legal or not I never leave kids in the car. Sometimes it is a real PITA but I will think things like, "what if I run in there, fall, hit my head and I'm unconscious and no one knows DS is in the car". Of course, I realize these thoughts are my issue so I would probably explain to DH that I would feel a lot better if he promised not to leave DS in the car.

Ok but if you're going to look at the potential for each situation to turn catastrophic in an effort to protect your children...

-What if you take your child in and a burglar robs the store RIGHT THEN, shooting you and your child?

-What if you are one of the thousands of people DAILY involved in fatal care accidents and your child is killed simply by being in your vehicle?

-What if you are carjacked?

-What if...what if....

We can't live our lives on what if. Statistically speaking your child is in more danger taking a bath than being in the OP's DH's situation.

[hipmummy]

I leave my guys in the car in the driveway. It is illegal to leave them in a running car in my state. Not a problem if it not running but we live in an area where your car would easily get carjacked so I will not be leaving them alone in a car while I get a pizza. But to take a pee or poop at my home yes.

BTW: when I was 5 and my brother was 3, mom left us sleeping in the car only to find we had both woken up and put the car in gear and crashed into my neighbors fence across the street(we put it in reverse).