Another twist on the gift issue

[Wild Lupine]

This is kind of a vent. Maybe it doesn't belong in this forum, but it does round out the issue of unwanted gifts, this time from a giver's perspective.

So .... in my family I am the one who gives gifts that are unwanted. It sucks.

There are two children in my extended family that are close enough that I buy them gifts, but I only see them a few times a year. So I have a vague idea of their interests, but I don't know specifically what they want and have no idea what they already have.

Every year I try very hard to get them something they'll like. I ask their parents for recommendations, post queries on forums to get suggestions, ask children their age what they consider a good gift. Seriously, I do a lot of work.

And every year, they open the gifts I give them with blank expressions, put it aside, mumble a thank you- prompted by their parents- and go play with something else.

So those of you who give very specific lists to family members about what to get your kids... I wish you were in my family! I'd love to spend my money and time buying something I know will be used, appreciated, and enjoyed.

[zinemama]

Yes, kids are not always polite at the moment of giving - but do you know that they don't appreciate and use the gifts later on, after you're gone?

[Wild Lupine]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Yes, kids are not always polite at the moment of giving - but do you know that they don't appreciate and use the gifts later on, after you're gone?

Good point, I don't know what happens once I'm not there.

[NiteNicole]

My youngest brother has always done this (and he's now nearly 13) but then six months later he'll say, "you know that blah blah blah you got me, I LOVE IT, I have been playing with it all week."

Failing that, if they're old enough then get gift cards and forget it. Gift cards always feel kind of losery when you give them, but who doesn't love getting them? I held out on giving them for a LONG time but them my MIL started sending them to me and ya know, they kinda rock.

[34me]

I am officially the quirky aunt. my nieces are 11 and 14 and they received handmade (by me) pencil rolls and washcloths with lavender soap. I figure even if they don't like the gift they'll have something to talk about for years . My mom says they will probably use the rolls for make up brushes

[NellieKatz]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Yes, kids are not always polite at the moment of giving - but do you know that they don't appreciate and use the gifts later on, after you're gone?

This happened at our Christmas. My son looked very uninterested in some of the gifts because frankly he was overwhelmed with the flurry of gift opening, and also those gifts weren't his current "passion" (musical instruments). So I made a point of talking to the givers and saying you know, he will probably be playing with those later on...and I was right. Today, at home, now that the dust has settled, he really started going through them and playing with all of them.

And one other thing I do is that during the course of the year, I routinely let people know when my son is really enjoying something that somebody gave them even if it was months or years ago. I know how hard it is to buy for other peoples' kids, so when my son is really enjoying a gift I want to let the giver know it! (over & above the obligatory "thank you" spoken, and thank-you notes sent).

I have some nephews out-of-state who are so hard to buy for, and they never send or say thank-you (my brother and his wife didn't teach them this aspect of manners), so sending gifts to them is like sending them into a black hole. We just do gift cards mostly anyway. They can buy what they enjoy much better than I can. :-)

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Yes, kids are not always polite at the moment of giving - but do you know that they don't appreciate and use the gifts later on, after you're gone?

This. DD1 has had actual explosions of "I hate this" and "why did you/grandma/whoever buy me this thing?". Half an hour later, it's her favourite thing in the whole world. She just doesn't seem to cope well with surprises or something.

I was pleased, though. The only hint of that this year was her utterly underwhelmed (but not rudely so) reaction to the Kidizoom camera dh and I gave her. She just didn't get it. However, she's now snapped about 250 pictures of everything, so...yeah - she loves it. She was awesome about her gifts at grandma's this year (one Bratz doll, a "Ballerina's Handbook", an outfit, a Klutz book, and 24 cans of PlayDoh).