Houston, we have a problem.
Very long story condensed: I had terrible PPD, and in order to avoid night-time issues, my DH has always co-slept with our child (6 years old). I have very bad sleep problems, and I canNOT sleep well when I co-sleep. I wake up over and over. In fact, I sleep best when I'm alone.
Throughout the years, I have at times slept in our main bedroom with them on and off. But I prefer to sleep in the guest room so I can get a full night's sleep (I have bipolar and lack of sleep makes it so much harder).
Generally, all of us have been content with this arrangement. My child knows she is welcome to sleep in her own bed anytime she wants. We have gently encouraged her to do so. She wants no part of that. DH puts her to bed at 8:00, and he works on his laptop until she falls asleep.
Now here is the issue: She is completely dependent upon someone sleeping with her. It isn't just a nice luxury, it is 100% necessary. She will NOT sleep otherwise. Most of the time it isn't a problem, but once in a while (like a Saturday night), it would be so nice to watch a movie with DH uninterrupted. It is impossible because she is nearly always up 45 minutes after she falls asleep. And she is upset (half asleep) and would never fall back asleep without one of us laying down with her. If we lay back down until she falls asleep again, she is a light sleeper from that point on and will get up over and over. So we just give up and go to bed. So DH and I don't get much alone time. It realllly affects our sex life too! We know we'll be interrupted by an angry, tired child at some point.
So, how can I GENTLY encourage more independence? I've tried many things and nothing works so far (talking about it during the day, special rewards do nothing...I even got her a special light). I had a traumatic experience regarding sleeping alone as a child and was terrified of the dark for years (like, even at 10). I don't want to do that to her, since this is basically our own fault. But I need to work towards a solution. I have absolutely no problem with co-sleeping. But we need to have a few hours free each night!! She is dominating every evening....there's no way we can even have friends over for an evening unless they leave when she goes to bed. Otherwise one of us has to leave for 45 mins to an hour until she falls asleep. It is getting ridiculous.
Very long story condensed: I had terrible PPD, and in order to avoid night-time issues, my DH has always co-slept with our child (6 years old). I have very bad sleep problems, and I canNOT sleep well when I co-sleep. I wake up over and over. In fact, I sleep best when I'm alone.
Throughout the years, I have at times slept in our main bedroom with them on and off. But I prefer to sleep in the guest room so I can get a full night's sleep (I have bipolar and lack of sleep makes it so much harder).
Generally, all of us have been content with this arrangement. My child knows she is welcome to sleep in her own bed anytime she wants. We have gently encouraged her to do so. She wants no part of that. DH puts her to bed at 8:00, and he works on his laptop until she falls asleep.
Now here is the issue: She is completely dependent upon someone sleeping with her. It isn't just a nice luxury, it is 100% necessary. She will NOT sleep otherwise. Most of the time it isn't a problem, but once in a while (like a Saturday night), it would be so nice to watch a movie with DH uninterrupted. It is impossible because she is nearly always up 45 minutes after she falls asleep. And she is upset (half asleep) and would never fall back asleep without one of us laying down with her. If we lay back down until she falls asleep again, she is a light sleeper from that point on and will get up over and over. So we just give up and go to bed. So DH and I don't get much alone time. It realllly affects our sex life too! We know we'll be interrupted by an angry, tired child at some point.
So, how can I GENTLY encourage more independence? I've tried many things and nothing works so far (talking about it during the day, special rewards do nothing...I even got her a special light). I had a traumatic experience regarding sleeping alone as a child and was terrified of the dark for years (like, even at 10). I don't want to do that to her, since this is basically our own fault. But I need to work towards a solution. I have absolutely no problem with co-sleeping. But we need to have a few hours free each night!! She is dominating every evening....there's no way we can even have friends over for an evening unless they leave when she goes to bed. Otherwise one of us has to leave for 45 mins to an hour until she falls asleep. It is getting ridiculous.
