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Baby steps for a better life.. - Page 36

post #701 of 822
Hugs about your crappy couple days...
Good for you for standing up and taking back your locket. The jeweler does not get to hold your stuff hostage, sorry.

I really hope wednesday is a great day for you.

Remember its OK to cry, its ok to mourn the loss of anything

Ive learned with teaching its great to have nice things - i just dont take them into the classroom. (I dont wear expensive clothes, wear good jewelry, take my good purse, etc... however i teach jr/sr high and it would probably get STOLEN before lunch most days lol)

HUGS sweetie and I really hope weds is ok for you
post #702 of 822
Thread Starter 
They canceled my divorce hearing. It could be a month and a half or more before I get another turn.

I fear the worry and stress will kill me.

So I am going to just live my life as if I will owe him six thousand dollars and go from there. I work full time and go to school but maybe I can get a second job during Christmas season.

Living as if I owe him that money is the only way I can get through the next two months of waiting.

I do not believe in God, though, at all. I feel that I have had a lot of crappy things happen to me and it doesn't seem right now like it will get better any time soon. It is probably sounding dramatic but I was medicating myself to get through the days leading up to this. I can't do this for 60 more days.

So I am going to plan on how I can come up with 6K that I don't have. I hope they let me make payments. Perhaps assuming the worst will help me to survive while I wait.

But yes, God? No thanks. I can't possibly believe in him.
post #703 of 822

I know how you feel. My faith has taken a beating lately. But you know what I believe in? I believe in life, I believe in me, I believe that I am a survivor. And you are, too. You can do this and you ARE doing it.

I am thinking of you and I know you can do it.
post #704 of 822
Thread Starter 
Oh my! My wonderful, supportive and caring friend sent me 18 roses to celebrate my divorce.


I feel super bad that, you know, the hearing was canceled.

So I feel like he wasted money. However, I have never had anything nice like this before. I feel so special. I think if my husband doesn't want me, perhaps someone else in the world might. One day, if I can ever get my divorce finalized.

I remembered today that a child in my center whose Mom I have on facebook's husband is a lawyer. *Wow, did that make sense?* So I sent her a message asking if she thought her husband might answer that 401K/credit card question for me. It can't hurt to ask. Maybe he can help put my mind at ease. I figure since I will be his child's teacher soon, and I am friendly with his wife, that he might be willing to answer it for me. We will see!

Oh, and if anyone sends a friend request after seeing my picture, please tell me who you are and that you are from MDC. I will ignore it otherwise, because I have a common name and I tend to get a ton of requests.

My flowers are so beautiful. Seriously, no one has done anything like that for me, ever!!
post #705 of 822
Thread Starter 

I have one bill left.

In December, I will no longer have a cell phone bill, either, as I am being added to a plan for my Christmas present.

That leaves money for me to use to be healthier with.

I have decided that I need to start buying my own food. I am very cheap, so financially it makes sense to eat free at work for breakfast and lunch. It also makes sense to just eat what my parents eat. However, the food at school and here at home is not healthy food. So I have to make a choice, you know? I have to make a choice to be healthy. So I have to start buying my own food. Healthy food. I have met with a counselor who is teaching me both stress management and how to eat healthier.

I also joined a wellness center. They can help me with my exercise. They can help design a program that will work with my needs, such as having arthritis in my right knee and having the carpal tunnel in both hands.

I meet with the trainer on the 20th for that.

Basically, I have freed up a lot of money by paying bills, etc. So now I need to re-invest some of my income in to getting healthier for myself.

I know, from my years in therapy, that I gained the weight to protect myself from my STBX. I did not want him to touch me, so I ate and ate and buffered myself from him. Now I don't need to be heavy anymore. I am no longer hiding myself.

So if I stay this weight, he wins. He does not get to win. I get to win.

I feel that if I don't get healthy than I wasted all of the money I spent in therapy getting mentally healthy. Now I need to shell out some money to get physically healthy, too.

So that is my new Project. Project Jaime, if you will.

I had another EMG on my wrists. The carpal tunnel surgeries helped a lot. However, I still can't crochet without pain. I am looking in to the reality that I might not be able to do it anymore. I need a new hobby. If anyone has any suggestions for hobbies that don't use the left hand, I am interested in hearing about it.
post #706 of 822
Sounds like a good project to me!

As for a craft- drawing, needle felting (you can rest the object on a foam block although it requires some two hand use), could there be a way to embroider?

Hm, it's tough. I speak as someone who has chronic arm/neck pain when I say that it stinks when you are dying to be creative but your body won't go along!
post #707 of 822
Yay, Jaime! So happy for you.

A hobby. Hm. I'll let you know. Are you right-handed?
post #708 of 822
Thread Starter 
I am right handed, but my left hand is the worst one. I use that one to feed the yarn up. That is agony for me right now. My right hand healed well and feels great now.
post #709 of 822
Thread Starter 
I start the eating plan and gym going tomorrow. Wish me luck!
post #710 of 822
Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus View Post
I start the eating plan and gym going tomorrow. Wish me luck!
Purple*Lotus....sounds like you're on the right track! Keep at it. I wish you the best of luck.
post #711 of 822
Good luck Jaime! You are doing awesome!
post #712 of 822
Thread Starter 
I am doing well so far today with my eating plan.

I am heading to the gym now.

My parents are driving me crazy though. I can't help but to live here, believe me, or else I would try to get out. I can't afford it. Yesterday my Dad told me I used too much toilet paper. How could he possibly know that? I kick in money for household supplies, I didn't think I had to go out of my way to ration the toilet paper. Blah.

I have PMS and am generally just in a foul mood today.
post #713 of 822
Thread Starter 
Well I think I did okay today. I did have to have kind of a second dinner because the first one wasn't filling. But she told me to eat it I was hungry and just to concentrate on writing everything down that I ate for these two weeks and she will help more once she looks over it.

Food for today:
3/4th cup of Special K Vanilla Almond
1 cup skim milk


1 1/2 cups green leaf lettuce
1/4th of a cucumber
8ish cherry tomatoes
1/4th cup of cheese
2 hard boiled eggs
6 oz of baked skinless chicken
ranch dressing

string cheese

Mini Dinner:
Lean Cuisine Chicken and Penne Pasta.. not filling at all

Bag of popcorn

Other dinner:
peanut butter on a whole wheat sandwich thin
1/2 cup of 2% cottage cheese
1/2 cup of raw carrot sticks

64 oz water
one can of diet sierra mist

30 minutes on the treadmill going at 2.5 speed
It ended up being about 1.23 miles when it was all said and done.

I wont meet with my trainer until the 20th so I just sort of did the treadmill today.
post #714 of 822
Thread Starter 
Tomorrow's plan..
Okay so tomorrow I have to plan carefully. What I am going to do is get up 15 minutes early to eat breakfast at home. The counselor felt that eating with my students would be too stressful. I was off today, so I didn't get to try this today.

So I will get up and make breakfast and eat it in the morning. Then at school I will grab a snack, maybe a string cheese or a piece of fruit.

At lunch I will have another one of my salads. And for dinner- see, I am clever- I will fill a container with the rotini and sauce the kids are having for lunch. Because if I eat it at lunch time, I wont be able to stop from having more. However, by filling the container and taking it home with me, I eliminate that need for more. I am smart.

I wont be hitting the gym tomorrow because I have my online class tomorrow night. But that is okay. That doesn't mean I am failing or anything!

So, wish me luck for tomorrow.
post #715 of 822
Thread Starter 
I am thinking that peanut butter- as long as I eat it at home- will be my best friend. It is filling. I can't eat it at work because I have a peanut allergy in my class. But at nighttime at home I am okay. I mean, the child's Mom told me I could eat it at work as long as I washed my hands, but I am just way too freaked out about contamination to do that. So I will have to find other filling lunches to eat and have peanut butter at home.

I can always take something frozen for lunch and have peanut butter for my dinner.

I don't know, I am just trying to make a positive change. I deserve to be healthier. I want to be. I just have to be careful, is all.

I made an agreement tonight with my best friend that I will only eat out 1.5 times a week *three times in a two week time period* and I think that will be helpful because when I eat out, it is usually not healthy.

I am glad I did that. I am glad to have a friend where I can kind of make a contract with myself and they will hold me to it.
post #716 of 822
I find that tuna fish (with real mayonnaise, but no additives) is very filling for me on a sandwich. Between the mayo and tuna, it has that high-fat, high-protein, strong taste thing to keep me going. Or even better, used canned wild-caught Alaskan red salmon instead of the tuna.

Your eating is so healthy. Was your lunch a salad or did you eat those all separate?
post #717 of 822
Thread Starter 
Lunch was all thrown together in a salad. It was very filling.

I am going to try the tuna later this week for lunch.
post #718 of 822
Could you try to learn to crochet backwards, so the hook is in the other hand, the yarn is in the other hand. Everything would be a mirror image. I understand it's hard to unlearn and relearn a new way to do it, but maybe it's better than having to quit?
post #719 of 822
Some crafting ideas for you:
cross stitch, all you really need your left hand for is holding the item and if you really like x-stitch you can get a free standing hoop.
sewing, a sewing maching requires no 'holding' per se and you can made some really cute blankets
Latch hook kits, Hold the hook in your right hand and I lay the material on the table

Have you tried the 'knifty knitters'? They could make knitting possible for you (not sure though)

Im so happy things are getting better for you, but Im sad you are still having arm pain
post #720 of 822
Thread Starter 
So I finally found a new therapist.

I respect my old therapist a lot, and I am so thankful for all of his help in getting me strong enough to leave my husband. But I just wasn't feeling like we were a good match anymore.

So I called another place that is covered by my insurance and explained my main issues and goals, and they took a lot of time in trying to match me up with the best person. I met with her and yes, I do feel that she is a good match for my goals.

Sadly she was booked solid for two weeks, but they scheduled me weekly all the way through the middle of January. So after two weeks I can meet with her weekly. My boss is letting me tweak my breaks to do this and I also booked some evening appointments when they were available.

She gave me some assignments to work on in the meantime.

Plus I will see the wellness counselor weekly about my food and go to the gym.

I will take care of myself. Because I am worth it. It is expensive as hell, though.

However, I can't think of a better investment of my money than in my wellness and happiness.

ETA: I did find a long loom. I am going to purchase it next week. We will see how that works out for me, hobby wise.
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