Baby steps for a better life.. - Page 39

[mouso]

Originally Posted by Purple*Lotus 

Today, admittedly, I spent my entire hour break in my car, listening to sad music, crying.  Horrible.

Today was a bad day, for me. 

I feel kind of grouchy that none of the people who claim to by my friends can take an hour out of their lives to sit with me at a restaurant.  Really?  It made me very angry. 

Mouso, yes, it was hard to have friends while married.  I would meet someone I liked, then spend time with them.  Eventually it would come to where they would meet my husband.  I would spend the week before begging him to be nice to them.  It was pathetic.  And he wouldn't be nice to them.  They would drop out of my life dramatically.  I would go to great lengths to keep them from meeting him.

It is hard to make friends.  I am trying, though.  I feel like I don't understand some social cues.  I often feel like I can't understand what people are saying to me.  It is hard to explain.

Making friends is harder when you're older. I don't know why but it stinks. 

And that would hurt me too, if I felt no friend was there for me. I'm sorry. :hug

As for sitting in your car and crying, sometimes that can be very cathartic. To just really feel your feelings and wallow in them a bit. I have done that, especially when listening to music, and it sort of cleanses you, you know?

Glad you are picking out a book for some time for YOU tomorrow. Starbucks' sipping chocolate is YUM! 

[A_Random_Phrase]

Congratulations! It can be so difficult to divorce a man who has been messing with your head and you did it! You've conquered a huge beast and you don't have children to keep you tied to the person you've gotten away from. You really do have a clean slate in front of you.

Treat yourself with patience and kindness while you're learning how to act like someone who has a right to be alive, a right to take up just as much space on this planet as anyone else. You are inferior to no one.

Edited by A_Random_Phrase - 12/7/10 at 4:11pm

[Purple*Lotus]

Thank you A_R_P.  I like the idea of moving and having a fresh start!

Update:  The stomach flu came to visit me yesterday.  My mom had it, as well as some of my students, so it was my turn.  I spent the entire day running back and forth to the bathroom.  I do feel better, though, mentally, after a day of forced rest.

I slept a lot off and on yesterday.

I am off to work now, but I will leave early if I start getting sick again.  I still have my starbucks plans if I make it that long today.  I will have some hot tea. 

[Purple*Lotus]

Well I made it through a tiny bit of work today.  I mainly just wanted to see the play that my students have worked so hard on.  Then I came back home.

I am eating again, but wow, food tastes funny to me.  I wonder if that is a side effect from the stomach flu?  I mean, I don't know, all food taste odd to me.

I think I need to start my blog back up again.  It has been a while.

[A_Random_Phrase]

Sounds like a good idea to start your blog back up.

Sad you weren't feeling well, but good you had a break.

hugs

[Stephenie]

In regards to where to live- WA Is beautiful, wonderful, crunchy etc - but the cost of living is high and the school systems are kind of a mess. My DH used to work for a school district near Seattle so I have some inside perspective on that. He saw a lot of friends lose their jobs before we moved to TX. I have no clue about the schools in TX (they do seem to have money in my area) but the COL is lower. I hear Austin is a great place. We don't love Dallas but we don't hate it and the COL vs my husband's pay works out way better than it did in WA.

You are very brave. I think moving would be a great way for a fresh start for you. I hope that you are feeling better from the stomach flu! 

[EdnaMarie]

Stephanie--the COL in King County is high.  Pierce, Skagit, Lewis, etc. are not NEARLY that expensive.  So much cheaper, in fact, that if you sell your house in Seattle you can buy like, three in Tacoma.  LOL!

[Stephenie]

We lived in both Peirce and Kitsap. Actually I lived in Spokane at one point too. The COL is still higher than many other states, though getting further from Seattle does help. 

[EdnaMarie]

Well, higher than Texas, but... anyway, nevermind, how's the OP doing?

[Purple*Lotus]

I had a fabulous day today, thanks for asking!  :0)

I am back at work now, recovered from the stomach flu.  I had to wait in line at the post office forever on my break, so I only had time to go through the Starbuck's drive through.  I tried something I have never had before- Peppermint Mocha.  I am not a coffee drinker, but it was yummy!  I had ten minutes to enjoy it in my car before work started again.  :0)  I am going back tomorrow!  Yay!  I think I will like this tradition.

[mouso]

Good for you! And mochas are tasty!

[EdnaMarie]

Fun!

I hate peppermint but I'm happy for you, LOL...

[Purple*Lotus]

I have a vile headache.  Have had it for 24 hours now.  Luckily it is sinus and not a migraine.  I am not supposed to take decongestants because I have high BP, however, I have tried everything else for it, so I broke down and took a decongestant.  I will just rest the rest of the night and not exert myself.  I should be fine.

My therapist gave me a glowing review today, that was awesomesauce.  She told me that she could tell that I have been doing all of the assignments she has given me and that I am truly starting to heal.  Yay for me!

The assignment for this week is horrible though.  I have to initiate conversation with someone.  Really?  That is so hard for me, I am so socially awkward.

Hang on, more in a minute.

[Purple*Lotus]

Okay, so I have been having back pain and have been considering going to a chiropractor, even though I am terrified of them.  I am considering it but in the meantime I have been setting the alarm and waking up at 3 AM to take my back medicine.  It isn't strong enough to last all night, and my back doesn't usually hurt until around 5 AM.  This seems to be a good solution for now.

I have been going to the gym.

Also enjoying my starbuck's at break time!  And reading a good book at break time!  Great suggestion!

I still don't have the divorce papers yet.  But my Mom, who is the nosiest person on the planet, called my husband today and he was told by his lawyer no later than this Friday.

[Peppermint Leaf]

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie 

Fun!

I hate peppermint but I'm happy for you, LOL...

[A_Random_Phrase]

Initiating conversation can be difficult (I swing back and forth between being scared to talk to someone and being very outgoing). You could talk to the person who serves you at Starbucks. Writing a script could help: "How's it going?" "Enjoying the holidays?" That type of thing; nothing personal at all - you know, safe topics.

Pain isn't a whole lotta fun, is it?

Sounds like your Mom can come in handy on occasion - that's a good thing (no, don't construe this as "stay with her for the rest of your life.")

[_ktg_]

PL - woohoo on the glowing review!  and the peppermint mocha/coffee tradition!  I love Peppermint & chocolate makes it even better   As for conversation starters... I like what A_Random_Phrase suggested
 

Originally Posted by A_Random_Phrase 

Initiating conversation can be difficult (I swing back and forth between being scared to talk to someone and being very outgoing). You could talk to the person who serves you at Starbucks. Writing a script could help: "How's it going?" "Enjoying the holidays?" That type of thing; nothing personal at all - you know, safe topics.

Pain isn't a whole lotta fun, is it?

Sounds like your Mom can come in handy on occasion - that's a good thing (no, don't construe this as "stay with her for the rest of your life.")

[mouso]

Originally Posted by Peppermint Leaf 

Originally Posted by EdnaMarie 

Fun!

I hate peppermint but I'm happy for you, LOL...

Heehee.

How are you doing today? Glad those papers are coming!
 

[Purple*Lotus]

Okay so yesterday my Mom gets a call from my STBX's lawyer.  She wasn't able to answer at that time because she was at work in a meeting.  So I decide to call STBX because he doesn't scare me any more and I wanted to know what his lawyer wanted.  He tells me that he told his lawyer to call my Mom to verify that there were no mispellings or other mistakes on the final paper work.

Um, was that STBX admitting that he. does. not. remember. how. to. spell. my. name?????????

Every single tax season that man asked me what my MIDDLE NAME was and what my BIRTHDAY WAS.  We were together for NINE years.  He graduated from high school two years early, he is not stupid.  He just never cared enough about me to learn these things.  So, yeah, that just confirmed what I already knew, that he is truly that flippant about me.  I am so glad he is out of my life, so glad!

So, I have been initiating conversation as per the therapist's assignment.  Turns out a crap ton of people are now starting to talk to me.  I even made small talk with a woman at Target yesterday.  She talked first and we continued to talk.  I normally dash and run when people try to talk to me.

The doctor I saw yesterday *sinus infection, lovely* called me darling twice, even.  That was hilarious.  I also made small talk with him.

I went to a restaurant to eat while waiting for the pharmacy to fill my medication and a waiter there who was not assigned to my section saw me and started talking to me.  Then he came by again and complimented me on my necklace and talked for a few minutes about said necklace, then came by about 5 more times to talk to me.  It was so bizarre.  My therapist said that if my attitude was to be nice and approachable instead of scared and nervous, that people would flock to me.  She appears to be right.  The waiter was even outside when I left and I think he wanted to ask me for my phone number but lost his nerve.  He didn't give off a creepy vibe, though, more of an awkward vibe.

Awesomesauce.  I suppose this is probably how most people are in life, but not me.  I have never been able to really talk comfortably with other people in person- online I am good at it. 

Okay so am I totally sick all the time lately or what?  I had that fall where I sprained my wrist, then the stomach flu, chronic back pain and now a sinus infection.  I feel like I spend most of my time at the doctor.  I had to go though to get some relief from my sinus headache.  I had it for two days straight.  Tonight I am going to bed super early.

[mouso]

It's true. If you give off a friendly, approachable vibe people come to you!

I'm glad you are trying it out, it seems to suit you. I was always painfully shy and completely unable to do any sort of public speaking- ANY. But years of practice (and the fact that due to transferring colleges I was forced to take Speech 3 times  ) have made it easier. It doesn't come naturally but you can learn it!

You sound much more upbeat than you have.