sorry in advance.... this is a long one. 
(mods, if this is the wrong section - my apologies!)
I've been gone the last several days visiting and had lost of time to think (between take care of the little ones). I finally let myself question something I've been bugged with for a long time now...
I say that I know He is Messiah, but am I guilty of not really putting much thought and prayer into this one? I mean what good is it to know the ins and outs of all other parts of my belief if I can't feel secure in this one? The basis for the entire belief...
I have come to a conclusion - I know A LOT about the history of Christianity. But I don't know enough about the History of Judaism. I know it from Christianity's perspective... but not Jewish perspective. If I'm using the Hebrew Bible as more than half of my Holy Book I need to have a better understanding from the people who wrote it. I need more context, understanding, clarity... I know Judaism from an outsider's view... but not from within. I think I need to know more, and that is no easy feat b/c just like Christianity does - Judaism has a LOT of differing opinions, thoughts, perspectives, ideals... and customs which I don't understand. not to mention that whole entire other language I don't speak a word of thing. so I'm having to rely on other's translations... it's not easy.
so we have gotten a bunch of books from Jewish prospective. NOT about jews from Christian prospective. one is a torah-commentary. another is a book called "bedside torah". I am devouring it. I have to say... I'm ashamed. I thought I knew so much more than I did. Things I have been taught and have taught my children that were just off. totally off! I didn't understand the story and Christianity has developed altering reasons for stories b/c we didn't understand the true context. I know those stories back and forth.... but apparently I know them wrong. they make SO much more sense now!
I am being completely open about this because what good would it do if I wasn't? It would be a waste of time for me.
I konw God is there. I have felt Him near, heard his voice in my heart, had my secret prayers answered... I KNOW He is there. but, He is a God I feel I could spend an eternity trying to fathom. just to be clear, I DO NOT have doubts about Him... I have doubts about my interpretation of Him.
any encouragement or helpful thoughts I would love to hear. I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable and weird even posting this here for some reason. I feel like an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere... but maybe that's ok. I'm hoping in my weakness He can give me strength. I need to post it here because I really can't share this with anyone else aside from my husband. and I'm not doing this for anyone else - just for myself. because I keep feeling a deep pulling towards needing to do this that I can't seem to shake.

(mods, if this is the wrong section - my apologies!)
I've been gone the last several days visiting and had lost of time to think (between take care of the little ones). I finally let myself question something I've been bugged with for a long time now...
- Is Jesus Messiah?
- and what is the Messiah?
- and who is He/it/they Messiah of?
I say that I know He is Messiah, but am I guilty of not really putting much thought and prayer into this one? I mean what good is it to know the ins and outs of all other parts of my belief if I can't feel secure in this one? The basis for the entire belief...

I have come to a conclusion - I know A LOT about the history of Christianity. But I don't know enough about the History of Judaism. I know it from Christianity's perspective... but not Jewish perspective. If I'm using the Hebrew Bible as more than half of my Holy Book I need to have a better understanding from the people who wrote it. I need more context, understanding, clarity... I know Judaism from an outsider's view... but not from within. I think I need to know more, and that is no easy feat b/c just like Christianity does - Judaism has a LOT of differing opinions, thoughts, perspectives, ideals... and customs which I don't understand. not to mention that whole entire other language I don't speak a word of thing. so I'm having to rely on other's translations... it's not easy.
so we have gotten a bunch of books from Jewish prospective. NOT about jews from Christian prospective. one is a torah-commentary. another is a book called "bedside torah". I am devouring it. I have to say... I'm ashamed. I thought I knew so much more than I did. Things I have been taught and have taught my children that were just off. totally off! I didn't understand the story and Christianity has developed altering reasons for stories b/c we didn't understand the true context. I know those stories back and forth.... but apparently I know them wrong. they make SO much more sense now!

I am being completely open about this because what good would it do if I wasn't? It would be a waste of time for me.
I konw God is there. I have felt Him near, heard his voice in my heart, had my secret prayers answered... I KNOW He is there. but, He is a God I feel I could spend an eternity trying to fathom. just to be clear, I DO NOT have doubts about Him... I have doubts about my interpretation of Him.
any encouragement or helpful thoughts I would love to hear. I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable and weird even posting this here for some reason. I feel like an outsider that doesn't belong anywhere... but maybe that's ok. I'm hoping in my weakness He can give me strength. I need to post it here because I really can't share this with anyone else aside from my husband. and I'm not doing this for anyone else - just for myself. because I keep feeling a deep pulling towards needing to do this that I can't seem to shake.






thanks



. I can be quite sensitive, or have been in the past. I have simply not wanted to really 'get into it' with those who can be rather insensitive about what they believe/feel about Jesus my Lord. A few years back, if I had read what Merpk wrote, Id have been very upset. k? Thats just me being honest. Thats part of the reason. Another part of my reasoning for never bringing it up til now, is bc I have never known how to word it
. SO, in a way, Im thankful for you bringing it up. See, even if my understanding is incorrect as far as what you are asking, at least I got it out what *Id* like to understand better. Like I said, if Im honest, Im not sure my faith was as strong in the past as it is now to ask these questions and have people with such strong convictions object or counter what I believe without my own faith wobbling from it. Ive come a long way tho in that area. I know Jesus is the Jewish Messiah (I also understand why jews dont believe he is

