How to cope financially with a gifted child? - Page 3

[Tjej]

I think that if you want to save money you can. Just don't buy anything. Live with what you have for a month or two (or more ) and get creative.

I can personally think of one "novelty-driven" child in my life who really grows and is stretched when he is left bored with old things [ETA:yes, the growing and stretching does come with pains - things get broken or behavior gets cranky. But we power through and the next time, it's a little better]. And that same child THRIVES when more time is spent outdoors (where the world is always new every morning ).

Imagine you were living in the bush in Alaska. You have your little log cabin and your DC. You can't buy all the books or go to all the places. What would you do? Now go try those things.

Tjej

[HeatherJ]

To the original poster - this too might pass (it did for us)

I have a DD who is a little older than yours (4.5 yrs). We found that when she was very little (2ish) she wanted to re-read the same dozen books over and over and over. I thought that I would go insane. I loathe repetition and am a novelty-seeker.

When she was about 2.5/3, her needs changed and she needed to be read all sorts of text from all sorts of sources (including books) in vast quantities - typical books, simple graphic novels, factual encyclopediae, newspapers, cereal boxes, signs etc. etc. etc. etc. We were also going through about 50 books a week. Luckily the library system in our city is fabulously wonderful and we exhausted the extensive selections at several branches and we are now on our third. I (and her Montessori teacher, because DD was burning through activities as school also) pondered the questions surrounding novelty-seeking that Roar and Miranda raised and wondered if I/we was doing the right thing by providing her with so much variety.

However, in the last few weeks DD's desperate need for variety (in books, and other material) seems to have passed somewhat. Now, she wants me to re-read books that she enjoyed or had more thought-provoking content. She has asked that we borrow more chapter books. She asks me to re-read 75% of a book and then stops me and proposes an alternative ending etc. The return to some repetition I think is part of the process of learning to read and she is building her sight vocabulary (so I have gone back to reading more slowly and pointing out the words again). I think that she is also using the material in books as the start of her own creative thought process, while in the past the content of a book was an end in itself.

So firstly, I think that for some children, this is a need for variety and not necessarily novelty for novelty sake. Secondly, I don't know if this need for new material is a phase for your DD, but it might be....and then this too will pass.

(I would also say though that writing on a book is the closest thing to a capital crime in our house as we have a lot of expensive/irreplaceable academic texts in the house. DD wrote on walls a couple of times when she was about 2.5, but she only wrote on a book once! I went bonkers and the consequences were so severe that she didn't try it again. For a while it was a choice between crayons OR books at any specific time. DD learns her values from me - If I treated books as disposable so would she - for me books are special and so she was required to learn to treat her books as special too. I hope that my values about sex, drugs and rock and roll are as easily transmitted when she hits her teens, but respect for books is a good start.)

Anyway - hang in there and do what works for you. I am sorry that your public library system is so lame as we could not have got through this phase without it...

[greenmamapagan]

I never thought about it as different from the expense of raising any child. Especially not different to homeschooling any child except perhaps for the timing of some expenses.
My DD has had until recently a similar appetite for books although we do plenty of rereading (at her request) and

Originally Posted by HeatherJ

(I would also say though that writing on a book is the closest thing to a capital crime in our house as we have a lot of expensive/irreplaceable academic texts in the house.

we've never had a problem with defacing library books. Our problem is only pathetic library collections, expensive inter-library loans and the fact that I'm not so good at getting them back in time to avoid late fees In any case we would probably just buy more books for ourselves if DD wasn't so interested since we are bibliophiles.
That said, I'm looking at the next year being a whole lot more expensive academically for DD. We unschool but to me that doesn't preclude using curriculum if she is interested and unfortunately (from an expense point of view) she seems to be.
I wanted to respond to moominmama's post about the amount she spent on her KGer. I wonder how many resources she used that had been originally purchased for one of your three older children and thus weren't counted in the amount you quoted?

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by dessismama

Yes, this is it, the musical instruments and music instruction get out of hand...

The cheapest instruments (over a lifetime of playing) tend to be the metal ones-- brass instruments plus flute. Strings are the most expensive.

[daytripper75]

The best way to avoid library fees is to get a job at the library. We have several employees that work 8-12 hours a week on evenings and weekends and they're all fine exempt.

[kgianforti]

Originally Posted by lolar2

The cheapest instruments (over a lifetime of playing) tend to be the metal ones-- brass instruments plus flute. Strings are the most expensive.

I bought my dd a plastic recorder from Wal Mart for a $1!!

[dessismama]

Originally Posted by lolar2

The cheapest instruments (over a lifetime of playing) tend to be the metal ones-- brass instruments plus flute. Strings are the most expensive.

Good to know... DS1 plays the cello and viola and piano, oldest DD the violin, youngest DS the violin also but at age 4 can play 4-5 different notes on the trumpet and he sounds good on it... he will switch when older. DD2 plays the guitar and piano at the moment but wants to switch to flute. Good to know about brass instruments!!

[carmel23]

We've found that a place in our city that offers 1/2 price music lessons (and instrument rental) if you are low income. Also, science museums Saturday Academy offer really generous financial aid (even if at first you don't meet the requirements) if you just ask.

But we've decided to sort of limit what activities our kids do-- partially for financial reasons, but also, for philosophical reasons, along the lines of what Roar is suggesting...

more later, crying babe

[purslaine]

Some libraries offer museum passes for loan. I kid you not! Here is proof:

http://bibliocommons.biblioottawalib...hOpt=catalogue

Maybe your library does something similar?

Kathy

[franklinmarxmom]

Originally Posted by kathymuggle

Some libraries offer museum passes for loan. I kid you not! Here is proof:

http://bibliocommons.biblioottawalib...hOpt=catalogue

Maybe your library does something similar?

Kathy

Yep. Boston Public Library does that too (or at least did when I lived there).

[mommy2maya]

Originally Posted by frugalmama

We're working on learning where it is appropriate for her to color, and she has come a long way. She has impulse issues when she gets bored, and coloring on inappropriate things {books, walls, floors etc} is a way of acting out for her. Maybe in another year or so we'll try library books again, but right now it isn't worth my time and the frustration of having to watch her like a hawk. I have better things to do with my time, like pay bills or cook meals.

I just can't afford the $30 fine for any damage to a book per book - in one week she racked up over $300 in fines just by making tiny crayon marks.

I'd have to say that in this case, said child would not at all have unrestricted access to writing materials until she had teh impulse control to not color on everything in sight. My 3yo has poor impulse control with scissors. We do not allow scissors to be used unsupervised, problem solved.

[frugalmama]

Originally Posted by mommy2maya

I'd have to say that in this case, said child would not at all have unrestricted access to writing materials until she had teh impulse control to not color on everything in sight. My 3yo has poor impulse control with scissors. We do not allow scissors to be used unsupervised, problem solved.

We don't allow unrestricted access to crayons - she happened to sneak this one by me. In a 45 minute span of time {with me in the house but working - and it's a small house} she managed to mark all the books, most of the closet doors, and large portions of the floors. I'm still finding and scrubbing crayon and it's been several months.


As for all the "novelty" issues mentioned by other posters - I doubt it's her seeking novelty. She only does this with books & videos - not toys, not clothing, etc. She just for the most part once she has read it is done with it. Once in a while she will ask for a particular book she had read - normally her favorites of either Curious George or Madeline, or currently The Magic School Bus.


Right now she's reading the entire magic school bus series - by her own choice {I had then put back for 1st grade science}. She proceeded to explain to me how rain worked this morning since it was raining.

[lolar2]

I really have trouble seeing how it is possible to both work, and supervise a 3-year-old adequately. Have you considered getting a mother's helper?

[Bird Girl]

Yes, it seems to me that the big problem here is trying to work at home and supervise a three-year-old simultaneously. When my elder child was three, she went to preschool in the mornings, and took a long nap when she came home--that, plus an early bedtime, might have gotten me an 8-hour workday. Now that she is older, and homeschooled, even morning preschool for my four-year-old would not make it possible for me to work any more than very part-time. If I were a single parent, I would not homeschool; it would be impossible to earn a living and homeschool at the same time.

[no5no5]

Originally Posted by lolar2

I really have trouble seeing how it is possible to both work, and supervise a 3-year-old adequately. Have you considered getting a mother's helper?

If the standard is being able to make sure that nothing bad ever happens, I'm not sure it's possible for anyone to adequately supervise a 3-year-old. We've had incidents in which DD does thoroughly inappropriate things, when I am sitting right next to her, folding laundry, having a conversation with her. These things happen less often now that she's almost 4, but they do still happen.

Lots of mamas WAH, and I really don't think that there's any reason to assume that the OP isn't perfectly capable of supervising her kid just because of that. Even mamas who don't "work" do work while at home with their kids, be it cooking or cleaning or whatever.

[eepster]

Originally Posted by frugalmama

As for all the "novelty" issues mentioned by other posters - I doubt it's her seeking novelty. She only does this with books & videos - not toys, not clothing, etc. She just for the most part once she has read it is done with it. Once in a while she will ask for a particular book she had read - normally her favorites of either Curious George or Madeline, or currently The Magic School Bus.

Have you tried rotating the books in and out of the house? Yo mentioned many were in the garage, have you tried mixing them up and bringing back in some that she hasn't seen in a while?

[joensally]

Originally Posted by no5no5

If the standard is being able to make sure that nothing bad ever happens, I'm not sure it's possible for anyone to adequately supervise a 3-year-old. We've had incidents in which DD does thoroughly inappropriate things, when I am sitting right next to her, folding laundry, having a conversation with her. These things happen less often now that she's almost 4, but they do still happen.

Lots of mamas WAH, and I really don't think that there's any reason to assume that the OP isn't perfectly capable of supervising her kid just because of that. Even mamas who don't "work" do work while at home with their kids, be it cooking or cleaning or whatever.

Can't speak for the poster you direct quoted, but I don't think the standard is making sure nothing bad ever happens. I'll share my perspective as someone who's BTDT.

Since my son was one I've done a combination of WOH and WAH. I have also kept house, engaged in my own crafting, parented both children, even tried reading for pleasure while the kids were younger . There are lots of ways to integrate a child into daily living, but working for pay from home is HARD. It's hard on the parent, who has to split their attention and feels an obligation to their employer (or craft, or bottom line) in addition to their child. And it's also hard on the child who does not have the level of attention they might otherwise have while their parent spends hours per day focused on other things. I think it was hard on my kids that I was present, but de facto unavailable. Yes, I got them snacks, mediated arguments etc etc, but I was not attentive in the same way as those times when I was not performing work for remuneration. My son was lonely a lot last year while I plied him with videos, computer, lego etc etc because a work assignment needed to get done and I needed more time in my work day than post-bedtime allowed. It was not very balanced for either of us.

I did it last year because it was the best (only?) solution for us. He needed HSing and our family needed my paycheque. We may do it again the year after next and ongoing, but thank goodness he'll be older and more independent.

A lot of time decisions made out of necessity involve large compromises.

[lolar2]

Everyone I know who WAH successfully without childcare, uses school and/ or naps and/ or after-bedtime, to do the for-pay work. Everyone else I know who WAH uses a mother's helper/ babysitter. I literally have never met anyone who does paying work at home while simultaneously supervising small children while the children are awake. I have met a very few who, barely, manage to work for pay while their older children are at home, but they are very stressed out.

[no5no5]

I worked at home one day a week when DD was a baby and then a toddler, and it took me about twelve hours to get in 8 hours of work, but I did it. (I also worked outside the home, but DD obviously had alternate care during those hours.) It's certainly possible to do, though I won't deny it was stressful.

OP, I wonder if you've thought about joining or starting a home preschool coop/timeshare playgroup. If you can find two to four other kids who play together nicely and whose parents you trust, this could easily give you more time alone and give your DD more stimulating time with other kids.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Everyone I know who WAH successfully without childcare, uses school and/ or naps and/ or after-bedtime, to do the for-pay work. Everyone else I know who WAH uses a mother's helper/ babysitter. I literally have never met anyone who does paying work at home while simultaneously supervising small children while the children are awake. I have met a very few who, barely, manage to work for pay while their older children are at home, but they are very stressed out.

I am the primary wage earner for my family, I WAH full-time, 8-5, & my son is awake for most of that time.