Hi ladies! It is so wonderful to read all the updates!!!
I'm actually having a pretty rough go of things. The antibiotics from the CS gave me an extremely bad case of thrush. It's just now starting to go away at 5w4d pp. Nursing was overwhelmingly painful for about 3 weeks and I couldn't get anything out - my LC said it was like trying to pee with a swollen prostate. So my girl is on 1/3 breastmilk and 2/3 formula. We swapped formulas 4 times to find one that doesn't mess her tummy up, and have tried every bottle they make. My supply is shot but I have high hopes of eventually only giving her breast milk.
I went back to work last week, 4 1/2 wks pp. Ugh. I had to work last Wednesday, and then Monday through Wednesday of this week, but I get paid for 8 days. I had to do it, but it would have been better if my girl hadn't have been 2 weeks overdue. Oh well.
I keep saying "we" which is so funny. Well sort of. My mom flew in Nov 7th, as I was due Nov 10th. I had VERY mixed feelings about her coming at all, but what has ensued is utter craziness. My girl didn't come until Nov 21st, and my mom was supposed to fly out Nov 27th. She ended up extending her leave from work, and she's been here SINCE NOVEMBER FREAKING 7TH. The plan was for her to fly out Nov 27th and come back Dec 19th, but since she "needed" to stay longer than Nov 27th to help me after the CS, and since no one had the money to buy another plane ticket, she decided to just stay through.
All of this means I had NO babymoon. I'm now back to work, so I'll never GET a babymoon, just weekends where I'm scrambling to catch up for the week ahead. I'm TOTALLY devastated by this, and my mom just doesn't get it. I spent my entire maternity leave being a daughter instead of being a mother.
On top of that, she has completely taken over baby care, and every time I try to take the baby she gets upset. Like she'll say "Oh, okay, well I'll just go read then. [pouty face]" I can't stand it because she's leaving Friday and I know she won't see her granddaughter for a while, but she really has zero concern about what this has done to me. My mother has managed to make the birth of MY daughter all about HER, instead of about me and my girl. It's all a lot to take.
With that said, my parents are watching Kate last week and this week so she didn't have to go to daycare until next week. She'll just barely be 6 weeks old. It sort of breaks my heart, but then I know it's what we have to do, and the daycare is AWESOME. There's 1 caretaker for every 4 infants. And they have WAY cooler toys than we do at home! Awesome activity mats. Swings that go side to side! I'm actually really excited for her to be there interacting with other kids, other people. I just really, really wish I could have had a babymoon.
Whew. I know my posts are always long, but I guess I really needed to get that out. I'm having an awfully hard time reconciling what happened during Kate's birth. I don't even think I'm ready to talk about it. Well, I can talk about what happened, but not how it felt, if that makes sense. Maybe someday.
But it's sort of hard for me to read posts about awesome HBs, and I hate that it's hard for me. I'm so happy for those it worked out for, you know? But I'm so upset about what happened to me.
For now, I'm REALLY SAD my parents are leaving on Friday, and yet I'm REALLY HAPPY that I can FINALLY have time alone with my baby girl. I HATE being back to work, but rent is due Friday and I have $82. And I miss you ladies and think of you often!!!!!!