Talk me away from CIO, please!!!

[Asparagus78]

I'm exhausted here, and seriously worried I will cave. DH and every single support person around me strongly believe in CIO, and are pressuring me to do it. Here's the backstory: DS1 is now 3, and still a bad sleeper (by mainstream criteria I guess, I think he sleeps ok - we co-sleep for most of the night). When he was a baby, I could only get him to nap on my chest, after nursing, and I had to be walking. He hated slings and all carriers, but since I had nothing better to do, I let him nap that way for almost a year, and co-slept all night until he was 2.5. DH would always comment that I should just put him down, and it did create a lot of stress. DS2 is now 8 weeks old and I'm letting him nap in the ergo, and we co-sleep at night. With the ergo, I can still tend to DS1 while DS2 naps, so it's working for now. The problem is that I have a back injury (broken lower vertebrae and tailbone) and it's killing me. DS2 is 10 lbs, so I can probably manage to do this for a little while longer, but not much. The pain sometimes become unbearable, and it turns me into a total b***; I complain, cry and just generally feel miserable. Of course, everyone is telling me I'm creating this problem for myself, and to just let DS2 CIO until he learns to sleep in his crib or wherever else I put him down. I've tried laying down next to him, rocking, nursing to sleep, all with some success, except then I can't leave him and this is not an option with a 3-y-o running around the house. I've read the NCSS, Sears and Lull-a-baby books when struggling with DS1's sleep, and it never worked because DS1 would just wail through it all (and I didn't have the heart to listen to him). So I guess my question for all you wise mamas out there; is there anything I can do to gently get DS2 to sleep without me? I'm afraid I'll cave and just let the CIO-ers win...

[KirstenMary]

I am going to be blunt, and hopefully not too blunt. You cannot let an 8 week old cry it out. You simply can.not. If he is crying, it is because he needs something...to be fed, to be changed, even to be held.

Is there anyone who can watch your 3 y/o while you sleep with the baby? Have you tried wearing your son in a sling?

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I had success with baby #3 by swaddling and placing her in a pack-n-play newborn napper and turning on the vibrations thingie. She sleeps (mostly--wakes at 2 and 5 for a feed) through the night in her own crib. She also naps in her crib. (She may protest a bit, but I've learned the difference between her "But, mama, I don't want to take a na..zzzzz" and her "get me out of here, I don't want to go to bed" cries. The latter, I "spring" her and try again later, maybe after giving her a fresh diaper and a snack.

ETA: she is 8 months old now and no matter how much I rock/nurse/etc and think she's fast asleep, she always partially wakes and complains for a minute when I set her down. Staying and patting her back riles her up more.

[crunchy_mommy]

CIO causes permanent, measurable (i.e. shown in brain imaging scans) changes in the brain. That's proven. I wish I had the article I read recently about it. You can show your DH etc. that research... I'm sure others will chime in with more evidence for you!

Anyway...

As far as how else to get your LO to sleep... well, first off, I'm not sure I'd even attempt to get him to sleep alone at only 8 weeks. He is too young... if you can keep him in the carrier another month or two, that might be the simplest "for now" solution, and plan to work on sleep in another few weeks. Or you can sit/lay down on the bed with him. Tell DS1 that this is "quiet time" and you all need to be in the bedroom. He can bring books to you to read to him, watch a video or play a computer game, play with puzzles, books, toys -- all while remaining in the bedroom. My DS sleeps on my lap while I work. I even have a special laptop stand and pillows to avoid straining muscles... and he's been sleeping this way for most naps for the past 11 months.

I think besides that, you could try walking him in a stroller around the house. This is what my DH does with my DS when he can't nap with me -- just pushes him around 'til he's out cold, then he can leave the stroller nearby & nap himself or do chores. The swing, too, worked great for us before he started climbing out of it. It sounds like your DS needs the motion... so nurse him & then put him in the swing, vibrating chair, stroller, whatever... they even sell "crib soothers" that will vibrate a regular crib or bassinet.

You can also set up a safe sleep area... for us, that's our mattress on the floor (our bedroom is child-proofed)... so he can fall asleep beside you and you can get up & leave the room knowing he's safe (assuming you can hear or have monitors, and there are no pets to bother him!)

Hope something there helps you!!!

[Solose]

It sounds like your DS2 is used to movement while he sleeps. Can you get a swing and try putting him down like you usually down but then placing him in the swing instead of a crib? It's not a long term solution, but it will give you a break at least for now. 8 weeks old is still very young, I think CIO would be pretty harsh here even by very mainstream standards.

Is your DH helping you any? I would probably have a talk with him about helping you by either holding the baby or taking care of your older child.

[LadyCatherine185]

8 weeks is WAY too young to learn self-soothing. My 16 mo still needs a LOT of help to get to sleep. He has always been a challenging sleeper.

I definitely understand your need for some change though, having a 3 year old as well. Does your 3 year old nap at all? If not, I would try starting to have a "quiet time" for an hour or two a day for him, where he can play quietly in his/your room and you can lay down with the baby.

I also second the suggestion of a swing, or bouncy seat of some kind for your baby to nap in. Have you tried swaddling? If he likes the closeness and movement of the ergo, I think swaddling in a swing would help to duplicate that environment. Also try some whitenoise, or music.

I held my DS for naps until he was around 4-5 months old. By then I was so sleep deprived from not getting any naps during the day, or getting sleep at night something had to change. So I tried laying him down to nap... it took a LOT of tries, but he finally got that I would be there if he woke up. I started laying him down first in a "nest" type area so he still felt surrounded. If he woke up, I picked him back up until he was back asleep, then layed him down again. Repeat until he stayed asleep. This took a couple weeks before he finally accepted being layed down, and then I also had to lay him on his belly. When he got a little older he stopped allowing me to lay him down (plus he was getting really big so I had a hard time laying him down without waking him) so I started nursing him laying down in bed and rolling away. Could you try that?

I hope you find some solutions soon. CIO simply should not be an option, especially for such a tiny baby.

[Asparagus78]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I know CIO is horrible - I cannot believe that people allow babies to basically cry until they give up, but it seems to be the way for so many people around me. Even my mom, who says "you cried it out, and you're fine..." Ughhhh....

I never thought of the swing idea - I'll look at getting one. As for side-nursing, that's what we do at night (for both DS1 and DS2) and it works great, but DS2 wakes up if I even try to move.

Thanks for you support. I will hang in there!

[gbutterflykissesm]

I am by no means a sleep expert... but I have a similar issue. 7 month old DS sleeps great at night but is a horrible napper. Even if he is exhausted to the point of passing out, he usually won't sleep unless he is moving. He doesn't love to be rocked, but will fall asleep pretty quickly when bounced. Putting him in a baby carrier and bouncing him worked well for the first few months, but my back has seen better days. I was so tired out that I bought the Arm's Reach Cosleeper. We now swaddle DS and put him in there for naps. You can rock AND bounce it. He falls asleep within 5 minutes and stays asleep in there. It is my savior. If you continue having trouble with naps, you might want to try it. It also would be great if you have your 3yo in the room having "quiet time" because the baby wouldn't be able to see him and be distracted.

[Molliejo]

http://drmomma.blogspot.com/2009/12/...rying-cio.html

[KirstenMary]

Originally Posted by Asparagus78

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! I know CIO is horrible - I cannot believe that people allow babies to basically cry until they give up, but it seems to be the way for so many people around me. Even my mom, who says "you cried it out, and you're fine..." Ughhhh....

I never thought of the swing idea - I'll look at getting one. As for side-nursing, that's what we do at night (for both DS1 and DS2) and it works great, but DS2 wakes up if I even try to move.

Thanks for you support. I will hang in there!

Jordan was like that. Even a door opening woke her up. Just remember, though, that it gets better. Hugs!

[Dazedstella]

Genevieve needed to be worn (by me and only by me) for the first 3-3.5 months and then slowly I could put her in her bouncy seat already asleep and then in her pack in play already asleep and now (at 8 months old) she always sleeps in her pnp except at night (when we co-sleep) unless we are out or something. She still requires me or DH to put her to sleep before she lays down usually in the Ergo or bouncing on our exercise ball. Can you try a ball maybe that would help support your back while you put the baby down (or keep trying over the next couple of months to lay him down asleep). I know that for me the ball made a huge difference for my back as it was still very sore from nasty hip issues during pregnancy (i know it's no where near the same as a broken anything but I thought it might have a similiar support effect).

Just keep holding on Mama , these early stages are SO hard on a mom physically and mentally. Whatever you do, hold true to your values, CIO is not the answer for your little babe.