what does a co-sleeping, bfing mama do when she wants a night off?

[rachandlily]

I have the opportunity to leave dd (10 mos) with a VERY loving and capable aunt and uncle on new years eve and actually have a night off in the mountains with my husband and friends. I'm excited about being able to stay up late, drink some wine, and play cards. DD will take a bottle of bm while I'm gone, and I'll pump. They'll bring her to me the next day so she can spend the rest of the weekend with us.

However, my ebf daughter's sleep is VERY dependent on me. She sleeps in her crib until it's time for me to go to bed, and then we cosleep most nights. Without me there, who knows...she might be up all night....which is a lot to ask of my brother and sil. I don't want them cosleeping with her for safety reasons, but I really don't think she'll sleep on her own all night.

So how does a cosleeping mom take a night off? or do I just not get a night off 'til dd is sleeping on her own (who knows how long that will be?)

Thoughts??

[frontierpsych]

I have not had a night off yet (DS is 16 months) but my husband and his friend often watch him while I am out, and if he gets tired, he will fall asleep in the crook of their arm and they can put him down, whereas the only way I can usually get him to sleep is to nurse. I think they know that mom has the boobie and get fixated on that, but will usually fall asleep okay for someone else in another way. My son is the same way with solid food-- he will eat better for someone else than he will for me, because he knows that the breast is right there. I think if you decide to go you should just be realistic and ready to be on call if she is having a difficult night and needs you to come home.

[ann_of_loxley]

For some this might be a taboo subject/suggestion - but in other cultures, this is how they survive lmao...

So... Do you have any other close BF/Co-sleeping friends? Would you/they be willing to give you a night off by co-sleeping and BF your DD? (and yes - I am totally serious).

I never had a night off with DS - I just waited until he was fine with me leaving the house for the night. This happened for a short while after he was two and then stopped - but again now that he is four. (so there is light at the end of the tunnel if you have no other options!). I would not have been comfortable leaving him with anyone else at the age of 10 months old.... Unless I desperately needed that night off and then again, it would only be with another co-sleeping/BF mother (who is a close friend) and was willing to mother/parent my child in the same way as me.

[hollytheteacher]

This is just my opinion and not a judgement against anyone else, but I would NEVER do it. My ds is 28 months and in NO way could I imagine him not being with me over the course of the whole night. He has never had a bottle in his life and still night nurses and i'm pretty sure he'd be freaking out the whole night. So yeah, for me I'd say no way.

I think part of being a mom is that once you are a mom you are always a mom. There really is no such thing as a night off...because i'm pretty sure that even if you did get away for the night, you'd spend all the night awake and worried/missing your baby. Your body is hardwired that way!

[rachandlily]

Thanks for the feedback. I'm just VERY tired and craving some grown-up time....I'm also looking forward to sleeping in the same room and BED (!) as my DH...he's been in the guest room b/c he's such a loud sleeper and wakes dd up at night in our bed.

I think part of me continuing to be the best mama I can be is to take time for myself so that I have the energy for my dd. I know I'll miss my little one terribly, but I also know she'll be in the arms of someone who loves her at all times. And they'll stay up all night with her if she needs it.

She actually doesn't nurse that much at night, so I'm not so worried about the bfing...she takes a bottle while I'm at work 3 days a week, and is fine with it.

I guess I was just wondering if there are tricks/tips that other mamas have used if they want to/need to leave their babes for one night.

[lisavark]

Well, my DD is 22 months and I've never had a night off, but I'm going to disagree with the mamas who say they never would do it. If I had anyone willing to take care of DD for me, I would totally do it. I wish I could. I do NOT think it's biologically normal for mom to be the only one taking care of baby, 24/7, night and day, for years on end. Like a pp said, the "normal" thing, biologically, would be for another relative--an aunt, most likely--to BF the baby in mom's place while mom is out. But that's not an option for most people in our culture.

Take care of yourself, mama. A grown-up night is good for you. Especially if you think your baby is going to handle it well and not freak out. I know my baby would freak out, since I've tried it a couple of times, but I would STILL do it if I could convince my mom to try...

[lizzylou]

I would leave a baby that age for one night with someone that I really trusted. I bet she will be totally fine! They will dote on her and she might be up a little more than usual at first, but otherwise I would bet that she will sleep ok.

[Katielady]

We went to a wedding when DS was 18 months old and asked close friends to come be with him at our house. We were very lucky in that they didn't have kids yet (they do now) and were willing to cosleep with him. He was weaned so that was not an issue, but I was worried about him trying to sleep in his crib all night when he normally spent at least part of the night with us.

Is that a possibility with the aunt and uncle?

[Altair]

I would show them how to swaddle her if she is inconsolable in the night-- my baby is 9 months and that usually does the trick when all else fails. (Even if she hasn't been swaddled in months, it's still like an off switch for them and makes them feel safe and relaxed.) Does she take a pacifier?

[almadianna]

I accepted that I would not get a "night off" for a while when I had my kids and at that age I would not even consider it.

[rachandlily]

I worry that they'll sleep too soundly and not hear/sense her the way I do when she and I bedshare....so I'm hesitant to have them cosleep with her. But I did tell them that throwing down a sleeping pad next to her crib and sleeping "next" to her might help if nothing else does...my dh does that every once in a while when she's too wound up to sleep in bed with me.

We haven't swaddled since she was about 5-6 mos old, but I've been wondering about returning to it lately and if it would help her sleep more soundly since she wakes A LOT at night.

She doesn't take a paci, but she's a thumb sucker which does help soothe her.

Thanks to those of you who agree that it's important/o.k. to take time away from baby...I've never felt that I had to solo-parent 24/7 to the point of utter, unhealthy exhaustion in order to effectively AP. And I'm so fortunate to have lots of family nearby who I trust to leave her with (and who will support my decision to NOT leave her to cry alone).

We'll see...I also wonder if she'll sleep wonderfully as soon as I'm out of the house...that would be ideal!!

[gbutterflykissesm]

Originally Posted by lizzylou

I would leave a baby that age for one night with someone that I really trusted. I bet she will be totally fine! They will dote on her and she might be up a little more than usual at first, but otherwise I would bet that she will sleep ok.

If they are willing to take her, I'm sure they are aware of the challenge it might be. But it's only one night for them, and it sounds like they are willing to help you out and sacrifice just one night to let you go have some adult time. Is there a situation where you would feel more comfortable having them cosleep? Say if only one of them slept on the bed with baby, or if you could have baby sleep in one of those snuggle boxes in the bed with them?

[Blueone]

If you trust them I would go for it. Time off for a mom is important for both you and the child, especially when worn out and tired. I would want some time with my hubby too if he weren't sleeping in the same bed with me.

I would show them the tricks and all before you go and of course (as I'm sure you know) leave an emergency contact number and let them know to call you if they need to even if it's not an emergency.

I'm sure your daughter will be fine! She'll probably enjoy all the doting attention.

[Artichokie]

Originally Posted by almadianna

I accepted that I would not get a "night off" for a while when I had my kids and at that age I would not even consider it.

this.

[almadianna]

Originally Posted by MoreThanApplesauce

this.

I think we forget for how little time they are so young and that this is not forever. When they are older we are going to miss these times as they pass too quickly.

[KatWozBlue]

When my son was about that age I left him for a night, forgot why, I think it was for a wedding I was in, but I did and he was just fine with my mom. He drank breast milk out of the bottle,she snuggled with him and he slept soundly all night only waking once and then drifting back to sleep as she rocked him.

He actually slept better when I wasn't there, go figure and the next morning I came home and he was just fine. I think all mothers need to give themselves permission to have a little bit of fun and to blow off some steam once in a while, you are not going to traumatize your baby, you are not going to break the bond, you are going to be well rested and ready to go back to your real life. Yes kids are young so briefly, but one night is not going to count negatively in the grand scheme of parenting.

have fun and don't worry, leave more than one bottle of breastmilk though, you never know :-)

[Baby_Cakes]

Eh...10 mo is kinda young. I'm going to a bachelorette party in a few mos, and DD will be 16 mo AND with DH -- and I'm still thinking about not doing it. You just never know how the night will go. She could be up all night confused and crying. Or, she might sleep peacefully and wake up once or twice. You just don't know.

[chinaKat]

My goodness.

It's so predictable. Every time we have one of these threads, so many people pipe in with how they would never dream of ever abandoning their child for the night until he was old enough for kindergarten or whathaveyou.

You know what? You know your child and caretaker best. If you need a night off, take one. It's ONE NIGHT. Your child will be fine, and YOU will be all the better for it when you get your batteries charged. Also, importantly, you will have a night out WITH YOUR HUSBAND. Your marriage needs time, too.

So don't let people here guilt you out of a single night away from your child. If you did it all the time, it would be one thing. But it's one night. Have fun. Just be upfront with your BIL/SIL about your child's needs. They will understand.

[funkymamajoy]

I left my 8-month old, co-sleeping, bfing daughter for a night with my parents on my 30th birthday and she was fine. She went to sleep just fine for my mom, just like she'd take a bottle from DH but not for me.

It sounds like your SIL knows about your sleeping situation and is still willing to take your dd overnight. I wouldn't turn that down, its just one night.

[Shanny2032]

I wouldn't do it BUT I MAKE NO JUDGEMENTS ABOUT YOU DOING IT! I also get that you were asking for tips, not permission . I left dd when she was 11 months during a stretch during the day (until this point I hadn't left her for more than 2 hours with my sister) because my boss bought me a haircut and color at this really fancy place and it took like 4 hours! My Dad and StepMom were in town so I left her with 3 capable adults but I was still a mess! When I got home she was sleeping on the couch with my stepmother. It was the only time she has ever fallen asleep with anyone else (I'm single), I have really cute pictures and we all lived to tell about it. I'm not sure when I will feel comfortable leaving her but when I do I'd like people who did it long before or long after to see that we are all different and need to do what is right for our families.

I hope you enjoy you night out.