what does a co-sleeping, bfing mama do when she wants a night off? - Page 3

[MG01]

Originally Posted by lisavark

Well, my DD is 22 months and I've never had a night off, but I'm going to disagree with the mamas who say they never would do it. If I had anyone willing to take care of DD for me, I would totally do it. I wish I could. I do NOT think it's biologically normal for mom to be the only one taking care of baby, 24/7, night and day, for years on end. Like a pp said, the "normal" thing, biologically, would be for another relative--an aunt, most likely--to BF the baby in mom's place while mom is out. But that's not an option for most people in our culture.

Take care of yourself, mama. A grown-up night is good for you. Especially if you think your baby is going to handle it well and not freak out. I know my baby would freak out, since I've tried it a couple of times, but I would STILL do it if I could convince my mom to try...

Yep, mamas need to meet their needs too, you know your babe and your situation better than anyone.

For us (solo mom w/ family near-by, but we clash on occasion lol- DS is 10 mos), I have been away from DS one full night because neither of us were sleeping and I was under a ton of stress and was seriously going to die or lock my son in the other room (not really but you know that point, I imagine) if I didn't get some sleep- i would not have been able to be a good mother under those circumstances so i took him somewhere (my dad and mom's) where even though my mom was not very "AP" with me/sibs growing up, I knew that she does and did give him her all and loves him completely and is gentle and loving, and he adores her. Now, did he sleep? Not so much, 45-60 minute stints on someone's lap or the pack-n-play. Will she ever do it again? It would be pretty hard to convince her. But he survived and wasn't screaming all night and I had to take care of my mental health and physical health and biological need to sleep. Again, YES, as a mama you have to take care of yourself too (addressing both OP and above post here) and you know that you would need, and that your child will be with people you trust and who love her.

I have also left my son a couple times for partial nights (doula births) and returned v. late (or "early" I guess lol, depending how you see it, I'm talking 2-4 am) we then went to sleep then and slept through much of the next day together- I think he'll need to be a bit older before I really take on many birth clients, and for now am going to focus on other aspects of birth work (postpartum, lactation, etc.) and advocacy for the most part, because while he was fine (i.e. generally not miserable), he would NOT sleep and it did throw us both off schedule (well, not that we really have one, I guess a loosely defined one..)

You may well find, OP, that your bil/sil do have to stay up with her, but not all babies are like mine so who knows. And it is one single night, they have agreed so they know it may entail disruption of their usual routine and are obviously ok w/ that, yk? I do know my son, used to nursing and co-sleeping, was confused and will not just lay down and sleep without me around to nurse him to sleep (and sometimes even then he won't- he's all over the place.. 'nother time, 'nother thread..) Although, if your daughter will start in a crib and take a bottle of pumped milk, that is a very good start And if she doesn't stay asleep, then she'll have aunt and uncle to play with or soothe her and can catch up and nap with you or in the sling when you reunite.

And with regard to the above quoted post, right on. *sigh* It really sucks that our society is structured as it is, it seems very difficult to find that balance.
This post is intriguing: http://www.hobomama.com/2009/03/pare...need-more.html

Oh one more thing- I do think if it is a fun-night (rather than an emergency) you may want to have a back-up plan just in case- i.e. at what point are you willing to say, I am too stressed, or my child is too stressed, and go home- is that an option you've considered? Not saying it's likely to happen, but plan for contingencies just in case- have fun, i think all will be well and you deserve a break and some time w/ your dh and friends!

[rachandlily]

I love that my request for tips has spurred such a good debate/discussion...that's what MDC is for, right? No one's remarks have made me feel the least bit guilty about leaving for the night....yes, I had already made up my mind and was just looking for thoughts/tips from other mamas who have successfully done this before me. I've gotten a lot of ideas from the discussion, so thank you! I agree that even if she doesn't have a great night, my baby will be just fine, it won't scar her for life. She has plenty of rough nights when both dh and I are home with her, so another rough night, with some different loving arms will be o.k. I'm sure. I also hope and expect to be able to enjoy myself without worrying excessively/obsessively all night. Thanks mamas.

[Smithie]

"I think you might be pleasantly surprised at how easily your child falls asleep without you!"

This is how it has always been for me. I have two older kids (3 and 5), and left them both overnight with my mom and dad for the first time when they were about 12 months old. No problems.

My current baby has been impossible to leave with anybody except one particular caregiver, even for brief daytime necessities like haircuts, until about three weeks ago (she is seven months old). In another three months, I don't doubt it will be possible to leave her overnight if I should want to. IME, while all kids are different, 10-12 months is a pretty typical age for a child to be able to tolerate a night away from mom without freaking out.

It's one of those things where you can't know for sure unless you try, and if you have caregivers you trust, I don't see much of a downside to trying.

[pantrygirl]

I don't have any advice on how to do an all nighter as I have yet done so but I do feel your need to have some grown up time and 'me' time.

I don't do it often but when I do need a breather, I keep it local. Friends/neighbors with kids/fellow parents occasionally choose a local bar/diner/home and keep our cell phones on hand.

My spouse watches our daughter and I go out for an hour or two.

It does help refresh your brain.

[moonmom08]

I wanted to reiterate this link, SO fantastic and an oft-overlooked issue in modern APing.
http://www.hobomama.com/2009/03/pare...need-more.html

My DH and I did an overnight away from my DD when she was 15 months. My sister (who actually lived with us and DD for the first 11 months of her life) and my mom stayed with DD. She was no longer BF very often and was fine being put to bed and co-sleeping with with them. I did a solo overnight away when DD was maybe 10 months old and still BFing at night, but she took bottles just fine from DH during the night (she took the occasional bottle/day before that). My sister was there too, so she could have helped if needed. DD had no trouble drinking 30 oz or so of BM from bottles while I was gone. Now, I felt fairly confident that things would go okay before I left (meaning, I knew she would take bottles if I wasn't there, was comfortable being put down by my sister, would probably sleep ok with just DH or my sister). So if you are going to go, I assume that you already intuitively know these things about your child too.

Specific tips though: PUMP! I pumped and saved 30 oz in 24 hours away with a hand pump no less. Couldn't believe how full I got. Also, be aware your relaxing evening may not be entirely so, I was awake several times, not with worry but with habit . I also like the idea of a back-up plan...just keep in mind "I can always just go home." Simple as that. Make sure your caregiver is very comfortable calling you and knows you won't mind for a minute her doing so!

[JudiAU]

Personally, I wouldn't. Not because I didn't *really* deserve it but because whomever was caring for her would be really miserable and so would DS. And knowing that I wouldn't enjoy it. I left DS for the first time when he started sleeping through the night. I would have been okay leaving if that was at 6m or 24m.

[rachandlily]

Just wanted to post an update to this thread. Well...we survived! My dd was up a lot on NYE, but wasn't inconsolable. She was just up wanting to play with her aunt and uncle. They took turns getting up with her and putting her back to sleep. My brother ended up camping out on the floor with her for much of the night. They were fine, looking forward to a nap the next day, and safely delivered her to me. She was fine, a bit more "clingy" the next couple days and nursed more than usual once we were reunited. I stayed up until 4 a.m. playing cards, had a "few" adult beverages. Pumped fine and thoroughly enjoyed time with my husband and friends. Didn't catch up on any sleep (only about 3 hours), because of course at 7 a.m. I was up calling to see how she did....
But the next night she and I got into bed around 7:30 and cuddled all night.
Overall, a good experience for everyone. Not something I'll do too often, but I'm thrilled that it worked out as well as it did.
Thanks again for the support and insight.