Touchy-feely 9yo

[flight]

Hey all. Haven't been around in ages because I haven't really had issues I couldn't handle on my own (or via a heart-to-heart with my mom ), but now I've got one, and could use advice.

My 9yo son seems to have gotten more touchy-feely than he used to be. This is a problem because I'm really NOT a touchy-feely person. He'll come up to me or DH at any hour of the day, in any situation, and drape himself over us for a hug, cuddle on the couch... seems like he's always there. This would be ok if he was 2, but he's not - he's almost 5 feet tall and weighs over 70 pounds!

It bothers me because I am starting to feel "touched out" - I thought that was supposed to go away when he was a baby! Do you think I should just get over myself and tell myself that this is a need he has right now, and it will go away if I just meet it consistently, or is he old enough that I could tell him that people don't always want to be hugged and there are times he should try to keep his hands to himself? (It's probably not as simple as an either-or question, is it?)

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Originally Posted by flight

(It's probably not as simple as an either-or question, is it?)

I think its okay to set boundaries AND meet his needs.

First, you could set some time aside where you do cuddle. Also, if your DH is willing, it would be great for your DH and your DS to have some wrestling time on the floor. You could set up rules (a special word that means "stop," since yelling stop but not stopping is often part of the fun, limits on the kinds of moves allowed (e.g. no pinching, tickling, hitting, pulling hair, etc). You might even get a mat for the floor to protect those grown-up knees.

Second, teach him to ask first. Asking can be something as simple as, "can I sit here" or "can I have a hug?"

Many kids have increased sensory needs that they find are easiest to meet with cuddling and full-body pressure from another person. He might respond well to a "cuddle swing" (a swing hung from the 2x4's in the doorframe or roof rafters that consists of super stretchy fabric that cradles his whole body), being rolled up in a blanket like a burrito (leave head and shoulders out for breathing) and unrolled over and over, having pillows placed on his back and bum while he lays flat on the floor facedown, and apply heavy pressure to the pillows, and other such activities.

He might enjoy a wrestling class.

[mama2cntrykids]

My ds9 is the same way. Somedays it's hard, but like other poster's have said, I think it's ok to set up boundaries and still meet his needs. It's a matter of finding the balance for your family. We're getting there in ours!

[flight]

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie

First, you could set some time aside where you do cuddle. Also, if your DH is willing, it would be great for your DH and your DS to have some wrestling time on the floor. You could set up rules (a special word that means "stop," since yelling stop but not stopping is often part of the fun, limits on the kinds of moves allowed (e.g. no pinching, tickling, hitting, pulling hair, etc). You might even get a mat for the floor to protect those grown-up knees.

A "stop word" is probably a great idea which I'll have to suggest to DH. He and DS do wrestle on the floor occasionally, but DH has arthritis & a bad back, so DS could potentially hurt him badly if he uses his full strength in the wrong way.

I'm working on teaching DS not to turn ALL his hugs into a wrestling match (notably when he hugs me!)

[bendingbirch]

I think from what I have seen of the nine year old boys in my neighborhood, and I have an eight and half year old daughter, is that this is normal behavior. There is a big deal in Waldorf Education about the "nine year old change" and how a nine year old starts to really get that they are separate, and things are changing...so to me, the upped physical contact is part of that new realization of change and separation.
You got some great advice on how to handle it though!