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"Life with the 2nd is going to be so much harder!"

post #1 of 38
Thread Starter 
Words that I keep hearing from various people - especially my MIL! It's really freaking me out a bit as DH and I are trying to mentally prepare ourselves to take care of two kids.

Why do people feel the need to say this to us? Is it true? Is it really THAT much harder? For some folks, I've heard opposite. But to hear this sort of thing over and over from family members has me a little freaked out. DH and I are mainly take-it-one-day-at-a-time kind of parents - we have no certain system or style, we just do what comes natural to us. I'm guessing we should instill that same method when the 2nd little guy arrives?
post #2 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
DH and I are mainly take-it-one-day-at-a-time kind of parents - we have no certain system or style, we just do what comes natural to us. I'm guessing we should instill that same method when the 2nd little guy arrives?
Don't be freaked out...what's the point? Was it hard to go from zero kids to one? Yes, and I think it's similar when you add another kid. You will/can take one day at a time and it will be wonderful...

I just had my 4th and things went very smoothly, there were def. hard moments and there will be more, but you are a family and the new babe will fit right in from the beginning. If you can roll with the punches, you'll be fine.

Sometimes I think the ideas we get from others and what people tell us our older kids feel are just planted ideas, not based in reality.

Soooo many people ask me how 5-yr-old dd "likes" the baby: is she jealous? Not at all and I don't attach any label to how she "likes" the baby. Are there times she has to wait and doesn't like it? Yep, but she doesn't put that on the baby.

Please don't worry...you can do this!
post #3 of 38
Yeah, I hate those folks who say that, too. But, in my case it was true.


I took my quiet , serious baby everywhere. She was breastfed, she went to classical music concerts, art galleries, I snuck her into adult only parties because she was quieter than a mouse. I had a great purse bag that I kept a change of clothes and the cloth diaper kit in.. I was rocking and so put together.

My second comes and he's noisy. He breastfeeds with grunts and whistles. I have luggage... snacks for the toddler, diaper kits for both and more clothes. He is extrememly vocal and won't be quiet anywhere... unless the lights dim. So, he did see a play or two but for the most part.. it was easier to stay home for awhile.

Sorry to have tell you this stuff.
post #4 of 38
We got that a lot when we were expecting DD2. My Dad was fond of saying "one is like one and two is like ten."

I'll say that adding the second came with it's own challenges and some days things get pretty hairy. But overall if you can handle one you can handle two.

We're really laid back and have found that everything has fallen nicely into place and we are enjoying life with two.

Good luck, you'll do great!
post #5 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
Yeah, I hate those folks who say that, too. But, in my case it was true.


I took my quiet , serious baby everywhere. She was breastfed, she went to classical music concerts, art galleries, I snuck her into adult only parties because she was quieter than a mouse. I had a great purse bag that I kept a change of clothes and the cloth diaper kit in.. I was rocking and so put together.

My second comes and he's noisy. He breastfeeds with grunts and whistles. I have luggage... snacks for the toddler, diaper kits for both and more clothes. He is extrememly vocal and won't be quiet anywhere... unless the lights dim. So, he did see a play or two but for the most part.. it was easier to stay home for awhile.

Sorry to have tell you this stuff.
It is so variable! Our two were just the opposite! I had the crazy gal first and our second is so calm comparatively. I feel much less tied to the house now than when I only had DD1. You just never know
post #6 of 38
Eh not really. I did notice that it took about 6 mth vs 3 mths with the first to start getting my groove back. Plan on 30 min to get out the door. The toughest part for me was getting the older one to let me put the younger one down for a nap - tv was my friend on that one. The first year was the hardest, but certainly not un-doable! It was more just a learning curve is all. Now that they're older (5 and 7) I can't tell you how much EASIER I think it is because I have 2. There's not a lot of "mommy come entertain me" because they have a built in playmate. They also LOVE to help each other out, things I'd be happy to do but that they want to do for each other instead. The flip side (and there always is one!) is that I do have arguments to referee that wouldn't happen with just one, and there's 2 kids so twice the mess. LOL! Really, it was just an adjustment like anything. I found adjusting to the 2nd child was far, far easier than adjusting to the first!
post #7 of 38
It wasn't as bad as I'd expected. My older son was 4, so I think that helped alot. And he didn't have any issues when his brother was born, which again, helped. I really think it varies so much.

Right now, I do have moments where I just struggle with the two of them. But I think that's mainly because my youngest is 3 and I have a hard time with that age.
post #8 of 38
It was a lot harder than I expected. I don't remember people telling me much about how it would be, but I doubt I would have been prepared anyway. It was really hard. Mine are 3.5 years apart, and tandem nursing, which probably saved us

I'm sure it varies from family to family. Kids handle a new sibling differently. We thought we were prepared, we thought DS was prepared (and he was, cognitively - it was the emotional reaction no one was prepared for). We even had a very easy-going, laid-back baby and we are really relaxed parents. It was just a hard transition for several months.
post #9 of 38
Yeah, it was pretty hard. But I would rather have heard what people are telling you than what I heard all the time:

"Oh, they'll play together, it will be so wonderful!"

Well, yeah, after about 3 years they did start playing together. But it was a heck of a three years till then.
post #10 of 38
They say it because its true. And a shock to most people just how much harder 2 is then 1, well in those frist few months for sure!
post #11 of 38
What I want to know is why people wish the antichrist on you.... I mean, they don't actually say that - but they might as well. Why would you wish a woman to have a horrible labour and birth? Why would you wish a woman to have a baby from Mars?... Some of the comments though...you would swear they were wishing that on you! lmao

I have never been told that its harder though - and most of my friends are on their third child by now! lmao (we went for a bit of a bigger age gap) - and 'harder' isnt the word I would use to drescribe what I see and what I hear and how it is for them. 'Different' - yes. But I am not buying that 'harder' is true.

TBH - I think it also depends on how you parent. Parenting in a mainstream way is harder no matter how many children you have. No thank you! lol
post #12 of 38
2 was great! It was 3 that threw me for a loop! Then #7 after that. LOL

Dont let people scare you.
post #13 of 38
Yes, it is hard.
post #14 of 38
Meh, it's going to change your life. And mostly for the better because there is another person in your home to love. yeah it can feel difficult when both of them want you at once, but you'll survive it, and they will love each other and have a friend for life. As i type this, my kids are in their room (almost 6 years and 2.5 years) and my older one is "teaching" the younger one how to play piano on his keyboard. It's a heartwarming sound.
post #15 of 38
My friend told me two was easier than one, because the older one suddenly has someone else who pays attention to them. In our case it hasn't been quite like that, but there is a much larger age gap (6 1/2 years vs 2 1/2 for hers), and my oldest is a boy who isn't all that interested in taking care of a baby, although he does help out some. He's mostly quite possessive of me and everything that was previously his, including the bath tub.
post #16 of 38
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
What I want to know is why people wish the antichrist on you.... I mean, they don't actually say that - but they might as well. Why would you wish a woman to have a horrible labour and birth? Why would you wish a woman to have a baby from Mars?... Some of the comments though...you would swear they were wishing that on you! lmao

I have never been told that its harder though - and most of my friends are on their third child by now! lmao (we went for a bit of a bigger age gap) - and 'harder' isnt the word I would use to drescribe what I see and what I hear and how it is for them. 'Different' - yes. But I am not buying that 'harder' is true.

TBH - I think it also depends on how you parent. Parenting in a mainstream way is harder no matter how many children you have. No thank you! lol
Ouch?! I wouldn't say that our parenting style is 100% mainstream, but a majority of it is and I feel like we're doing just fine.
post #17 of 38
Going from 1 to 2 was extremely hard for me. I spent many days in the early months crying and thinking OMG what have I done. But you know what, you will survive just like I did and things will get better... a lot better. Now, adding 3 and 4 was a breeze.
post #18 of 38
I did not have any trouble going from 1 child to 2 children. I had a much, much harder time going from 0 to 1.
post #19 of 38
I'm expecting a second as well. I'm trying not to have expectations, really -- what comes comes, and we'll power through it. Every difficult thing will pass, and we'll do the best we can. I'm open to the adventure. So when people start up the "ooh, so hard" stuff, that's how I respond to them and myself. It defuses the whole thing.

Maybe this is what's meant by "mainstream is harder" -- if you're expecting to follow certain cultural standards, no matter how well they work or don't work, it's going to be a lot harder than if you make choices based on works best for your family and your kids as individuals. I don't think the comment needs to be a critique of your choice to have a crib or something.
post #20 of 38
We have a boy who will be 3 in January, and a one month old. The first two weeks were a challenge while we figured it all out and I healed, but from then on it's been great! I'm amazed at how well this little guy has fit into our life. It's WAAAAAY easier than the first go around! Nursing is easier, co-sleeping easier, night time diapering, keeping up with laundry, travelling...it's all ok, because we have an idea of what we're doing!!

Don't let the negative Nellies get you down! It will have its challenges, but you can do it.
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