"Life with the 2nd is going to be so much harder!" - Page 2

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I think it just depends. It was certainly not easy for me, that's for sure. But like anything else, you get used to it and you find new ways to function. Now 2 to 3, well, my youngest is 6, and sometimes I still feel overwhelmed!

[Mountaingirl79]

Bah! You will do fine!!

My two were 28 months apart and we were a little slower to get it all together and out the door in the am but it went okay! It was not anything I would call traumatic or bad. lol Now I'm trying for baby #3.
Honestly, it really depends on the baby and what you have going on. If you take it slow and adjust, it will become a new normal in no time.

[~Boudicca~]

Originally Posted by philomom

Yeah, I hate those folks who say that, too. But, in my case it was true.


I took my quiet , serious baby everywhere. She was breastfed, she went to classical music concerts, art galleries, I snuck her into adult only parties because she was quieter than a mouse. I had a great purse bag that I kept a change of clothes and the cloth diaper kit in.. I was rocking and so put together.

My second comes and he's noisy. He breastfeeds with grunts and whistles. I have luggage... snacks for the toddler, diaper kits for both and more clothes. He is extrememly vocal and won't be quiet anywhere... unless the lights dim. So, he did see a play or two but for the most part.. it was easier to stay home for awhile.

Sorry to have tell you this stuff.

Yup. This has been my experience as well. I love my kids but oh god there are days where I wonder if I should be doing this at all. #2 made me feel completely inadequate. As of this writing I will not be having more kids because I am pretty sure they have driven me insane.

ETA: but take this with a grain of salt. Everyone's experiences are different.

[lindberg99]

It was very hard for me. But my 2nd was not even 2 years younger than my first plus he was a preemie and hospitalized for 5 weeks after he was born. I really don't even remember much from #2's first year because I was so exhausted most of the time. But #3 is 4 years younger than #2 (which is the spacing your children will have, right?), was a full term, uncomplicated birth and that was not much of an adjustment at all.

And even with the first two, it was really only hard for maybe the first year or so. They are 9 and 11 now (and my "baby" is 5) and I think it's almost easier having more than one because they entertain each other a lot. DH took the older two skiing over spring break...I couldn't go due to foot surgery and stayed home with our youngest. I thought he would drive me crazy! I didnt' realize how much the older two entertain him.

[pinksprklybarefoot]

With two, if you have two parents in the house, you can divide and conquer. You always have at least one adult per child needing something. That technique isn't so easy once you hit three.

[Sierra]

Going from one to two for a lot of folks, from the threads here over the years, does sound hard. Mine are 11 months apart, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but it was really tough for us. They're now approaching the ages of 4 and 5 and it is still really tough. They are best pals, but they also fight a lot now. I have this theory based on threads here and folks I know in real life, though, that after two it gets easier for many folks. I've noticed that sometimes three is hard, but by the time people get to four, they seem to have an easier transition. So if you are planning to have more than two, might as well get two over with LOL.

Still, I love what the person said above about how going to two is going to change your life, and mostly for the better because there will be one more person in your home to love. SOooo true.

[spottiew]

Originally Posted by woodchick

We got that a lot when we were expecting DD2. My Dad was fond of saying "one is like one and two is like ten."

I'll say that adding the second came with it's own challenges and some days things get pretty hairy. But overall if you can handle one you can handle two.

We're really laid back and have found that everything has fallen nicely into place and we are enjoying life with two.

Good luck, you'll do great!

everyone tries to push me onto the 2 bandwagon telling me it's EASIER than one! 'they entertain each other', etc...

[brooks97]

It is a bit harder but now you'll have two children to love and cuddle. it will take more work and time management skills but you absolutely can do it. Don't let the negatives put you down. You'll do great!

[hipumpkins]

One thing I found really interesting and nice about 2 is that now you become this "seasoned" mom. No more novice label and people aren't as quick to tell you what to do..they offer advice but it's really offered in a different way.

the myth is that "they play together" No they don't . Not until they are older.
Yes the firstborn adores the baby...usually the trouble doesn't start until the new baby starts wanting firstborn's stuff.
I think our saving grace was the sling. DS went everywhere and was so content in that thing. He was also a very easy going baby.
I found that really I was meant for 2 and could handle most of it. The stuff I had the most trouble with with was that typical baby stuff, no sleep and nursing aroundclock but this time I didn't get the opportunity to nap with the baby...another kid was needing me.
You'll be fine!

[confustication]

1 to 2 wasn't hard for me, but #2 was/is the easiest baby ever. Really, I'm pretty sure he managed to capture the essence of Zen from the getgo.

2 to 3? That's when I thought I knew it all and I was totally thrown for a loop. #3 is 3 months old and I'm just beginning to find a groove.

It really comes down to individal kids' personalities. Remember though that 'divide and conquer' will be your friend for a while.

[nathansmum]

Originally Posted by StrawberryFields

I did not have any trouble going from 1 child to 2 children. I had a much, much harder time going from 0 to 1.

That was me too. For me the hard thing with 0-1 was the mindset thing rather than the actual difficulties (which I was able to problem solve once I got over mourning the loss of my previous way of life). When it came to 1-2 it was a lot easier - but then dd was a very cruisey baby and ds loved being a big brother so that certainly helped!

[Down2Earth]

Yeah, it's hard, but this is what you wanted, right? You are going to have that sweet babe in your arms come February. Will all the people in the world telling you how hard this is going to be really matter? Nope. You knew having a second child would be harder than only one. It's just a shame it sounds like people are trying to scare you when there is nothing you can do about it at this point. Just answer, "Is it." That's not a question. That will usually show people how rude their statement/question was and they shut up.

[Mittsy]

I didn't think it was that much harder, just more tiring. But, the 24/7 babywearing, co-sleeping, and bf'ing made it quite a bit easier for all of us.

[FondestBianca]

It's entirely individual based on the children and the parents involved. For me, it was much more difficult going from none to one than it was from one to two. In addition ds has been FAAAAARRRRR less stressful than dd was in the beginning. This is mostly based on the fact that I'd grown, matured, and learned so much from dd that I was better equipt and prepared for ds. (both were planned). It seemed like such a big change having to accomidate a baby, get ready to leave the house, make routine changes, health changes, etc with the first. I thought the second would bring equally difficult alterations. That didn't happen. There isn't a huge amount of added difficulty with the second in my experience. Dealing with the fair division of time and attention between the two, combatting a bit of jealousy, and adding the time breastfeeding takes back into the mix have been the most trying... but I wouldn't say it's been a difficult transition as a whole.

I was really concerned about the changes that may occur with my second and was plesantly surprised to find it MUCH easier the second go around and not double the trouble and work as some seemed to suggest to me! Keep in mind that everyone and every family is different.

[Peony]

It was rough for us, not as bad as 0-1 but right below it. DD1 was almost 4 when DD2 was born but I didn't expect a child with health problems that would overrun our life for the next 7+ months.


The thing is, from 0-1 you are learning to be be a parent, from 1-2 you are learning how to parent two children at the same time. Dividing your attention and meeting the needs of two children, how difficult that is to learn is going to depend on what type of children you have. You could have two easy peasy children and figure it out within days/weeks or it could take well, months. It took me a year before felt like I could parent 2 children. Now 2-3 was super easy for me.

[MamaMelis]

It is hard.

It also is the single most empowering and wonderful and joyous thing I have ever done. I can't wait to add a third to our family in May.

Sometimes I feel grateful for all of the people telling me how hard it was going to be ~ when it wasn't the hell on earth that people foretold I actually felt proud of myself

[Kirsten]

I have three kids - ages 13, 9 and 6 now. I think going from one to two is the very easiest of the transitions. Especially because it looks like you have the same four year spacing I have between my dd1 and dd2. 4 is a GREAT age to become a big sibling - 'cause generally they are old enough to help, to wait, to be quiet when needed, AND they (in my case) WANT a little sibling to play with.

Going from none to one is a BIG deal. Your life changes HUGE! But now you are already parents and understand the changes necessary (and already made them). For me, going from two to three was a bit harder because you are outnumbered. No longer can you take one and your partner takes one. Sometimes three kids need a parent but there are only two of you. But going from one to two was easy - especially given the age of your dc1.

In my experience, one kid is noise/toys/needs/mess times one. Two kids is noise/toys/needs/mess times two. But three is noise/toys/needs/mess times about a hundred....

You'll be fine!

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by busymama77

Why do people feel the need to say this to us? Is it true? Is it really THAT much harder? For some folks, I've heard opposite. But to hear this sort of thing over and over from family members has me a little freaked out. DH and I are mainly take-it-one-day-at-a-time kind of parents - we have no certain system or style, we just do what comes natural to us. I'm guessing we should instill that same method when the 2nd little guy arrives?

This is my style too and YK Dh and I have found since our son has been born that in many ways he's such a perfect fit that it has made things easier. I definitely feel like a better parent to 2 kids than to one highly spirited little girl, I feel umm more balanced.

My friend was like this all. the. time. she was expecting her second child 2 months after our son was born and OMG she was the worst of the worst. Constantly saying "aren't you just freaked?" "what are you going to do?" "there will be soooooo much upheaval" etc.....I mean this was a daily thing I heard from her. Thing is she is so much more uptight and freaked out than my DH and I are, we are the go with the flow mentality. She is very schedule oriented, we are not, so of course it's going to be a million times harder for her than me because she WANTS it to be. She likes to thrive on drama.

Plus my son is the happiest baby ever, so that probably is why it is easy. He's STTN since birth, and is happy if he's held, so that's what we do. Our only problem is he needs to be held all. the. time., but that's what baby-wearing is for, plus it's such a small amount of time in life.