It's because you're a first time mom - Page 3

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by dex_millie

I don't think it is because you love them less it is just you don't have all the time in the world like we did with our first.

I don't do CIO but DS has cried more than DS...she is alot more demanding and whiny.

HUGE difference between needing to care for another child/your own biological needs and deliberately ignoring crying to get it to stop.

A great rule of thumb I read about in a thread about deciding whether to leave one child to attend the other was "if I were peeing, would this be something I'd go take care of before I wiped?"

[dex_millie]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

HUGE difference between needing to care for another child/your own biological needs and deliberately ignoring crying to get it to stop.

A great rule of thumb I read about in a thread about deciding whether to leave one child to attend the other was "if I were peeing, would this be something I'd go take care of before I wiped?"

Yea that is a good rule. But would you pick them up for every cry that relates to them not getting their way. For instant if she finds a small paper or something that is not to go in her mouth and it gets taken away..she cries. She sees DS playing with something and she can't get it so she cries...ect.. do you keep picking them up for every little cry or wait to see if she will find something else to play with or get over it quick. I don't let her cry hesterically or long at all. But we usually wait a few seconds or try to gave her something else to play with if that doesn't work then I pick her up.

[emmaegbert]

Originally Posted by dex_millie

So even if you plan on doing the same to each one, it might be different still depending on the age spacing and the personality of that child.

I totally agree

my kids are very different. however, MY intentions and approach are similar. Like I posted earlier, if anything, I am more "AP" than with my first.

however, I was always willing to wait and see- its hard for me to write this so it doesn't come out sounding wrong, but I let my kids struggle sometimes- not with big stuff, but little stuff, like dex_millie describes- anyway #2 is way more mellow of a kid, as it turns out.

[4myfinn]

I got the same thing from a friend the other day. I think he was just trying to assuage his own guilt at letting his daughters cio.

[lexmas]

Eh, people always have excuses for why the things that you do are different from what they do, and why that's wrong. I just say, "oh, well, I really love doing it, so it works for me" when people ask why I co-sleep/cloth diaper/EC/wear my baby all day long/breastfeed...etc. Now that I have two, I'm just "that weird hippy mom", not just "that first time mom" anymore. Gotta learn to ignore it. But it will be a nice little relief when you can just say, "Look, I've done this before, I know what I'm doing." I gave up on being nice and said that a few times this holiday season. So, I've been there, certainly. Not fun, but happens all the time.

[BlueWolf]

Originally Posted by dex_millie

Yea that is a good rule. But would you pick them up for every cry that relates to them not getting their way. For instant if she finds a small paper or something that is not to go in her mouth and it gets taken away..she cries. She sees DS playing with something and she can't get it so she cries...ect.. do you keep picking them up for every little cry or wait to see if she will find something else to play with or get over it quick. I don't let her cry hesterically or long at all. But we usually wait a few seconds or try to gave her something else to play with if that doesn't work then I pick her up.

Originally Posted by emmaegbert

I totally agree

my kids are very different. however, MY intentions and approach are similar. Like I posted earlier, if anything, I am more "AP" than with my first.

however, I was always willing to wait and see- its hard for me to write this so it doesn't come out sounding wrong, but I let my kids struggle sometimes- not with big stuff, but little stuff, like dex_millie describes- anyway #2 is way more mellow of a kid, as it turns out.

I'm not sure who said it, but a MDCer said once that as they get older you can start spacing out a bit how long DC cries before going to them. A newborn you would want to respond to immediately, while a 6 month old you give them a moment to see if it's a serious cry.

I've noticed with my own daughter that she'll cry or fuss when she's frustrated. I give her a moment or two for her to decide if this is a "I need mommy now!" moment or a "I'm frustrated with myself" moment. If she needs momma, she gets momma.... but if she's just frustrated I'll redirect her attention to something else.

I hope that makes sense?

[_betsy_]

Baby cries, I respond. Sometimes that means I just make sure she's OK without picking her up, but probably 90% of the time (or more?) I pick her up.

And she's number 2.

My SIL has several times insinuated I BF/don't CIO/whatever because I "only" have two children. She has three, you see.

[Peace+Hope]

since i'm ONLY pregnant with my first, am i allowed to post in this thread?

seems to me that people who would say that would also be people who would be disrespectful to my child later on, saying dismissive things like, "you'll understand when you are older," or "oh, you're just a teenager."

to me, this kind of relating is disrespectful, and threatens (in their presence) the freedom of the individual to experience life their own way! and how far from nurturing the spirit and experience of a sensitive human being...

as i always have - amazing how i can feel confident i will go on being the same person after i have a child - i plan to keep people like this either out of my life, at arms length if they are family, and in some cases (a family member i will be around often) to have a conversation about it.