Santa in a Mixed-Religion Family...?

[not_telling]

I am Jewish and my husband is Christian. Technically, we're both atheists, but my Jewish heritage is important to me so I'm more like a "secularly Jewish atheist." My husband grew up with some Polish Catholic traditions that he likes, too. DS is only about 1.5 years, so Santa was kinda a non-issue this year.

I always thought we'd present Santa as a story that a lot of people really like, that some people believe it's true and some don't believe it but think it's fun. I asked DH about his thoughts this past week and he says why not just let our kids believe in it until they outgrow it (like he did growing up). I feel kinda mixed about this, and one thing I wonder is won't DS soon wonder why his Jewish family doesn't talk about Santa and why Jewish friends and relatives don't "get presents from Santa?" If Santa brings presents to "good girl and boys," what does it mean when children of another faith don't receive those gifts? At Xmas this year (at MIL and FIL's), DS and his cousin (2.75 yrs old) received gifts from family on Xmas Eve and "gifts from Santa" Xmas morning. I don't want to seem "grinchy" to DH's (wonderful) family, I'm just not sure how to handle all this.

Wondering what others in similar circumstances do...

[junipermuse]

Our situation is a bit different in that my children are growing up in a second generation interfaith family. My husband identifies himself as Jewish (went to Hebrew School and had a bar mitzva), but his father was a non-practicing Christian (not at all religious, but from a family that had Christian traditions). Dh is pretty non-religious, though and I am an Episcopalian and I go to church sometimes quite regularly and other times not (less since my children have been born as it's hard to go alone and take care of a rambunctious toddler by yourself and still get something out of it) My husband grew up celebrating a secular Christmas and having Santa come and visit his house. So we also celebrate Christmas. My dh grew up with cousins who were visited by Santa (on his dad's side) and those who didn't (those on his mom's) though everyone on his mom's side would come over to his mom and dad's house to have a big party on Christmas day. Our children will likely have cousins someday who are not visited by Santa as my sil is engaged to a Jewish man who's does not want to celebrate christmas in their home (though they will still celebrate Christmas day at my MIL house).

I don't think it's a huge deal that some kids are visited by Santa and others aren't. In our house I never talk about Santa visiting "good" children. He visits our house because we celebrate Christmas. We visit him at the mall, we write him a list, we leave him cookies and milk. As far as I'm concerned we've essentially invited Santa into our home and so he visits us. It's one part of a larger celebration of a holiday that has both religious (to me) and cultural (to all of us) significance to our family. I don't think that it's upsetting to a child to find out that Santa doesn't visit children who don't celebrate christmas.

So yes in our house we "do" Santa. And we plan on doing it until our children outgrow it (and frankly we'll probably continue to play the game even after our children know the "truth") because that's how we grew up and it's fun. I think if your main concern is that Santa doesn't visit everyone, it's totally doable. Though, I also understand that there are other good reasons not to do Santa. It sounds though like it may be important to your dh and to his family. If it were me and I didn't have any strong convictions against it I would probably want to do it to please my husband and his family, as a way of sharing in their traditions. I would likewise hope that they would participate in sharing my traditions with them as well.

[Addy's Mom]

We just play pretend santa, like we play pretend anything else. He's not real. But he's fun.

Christian/Muslim household.

[mntnmom]

We both grew up Christian (Catholic/Protestant) and now we're you're average heathens, so I can't speak to the mixed religion thing. But Santa *isn't* Christian. He's a pre-Christian European tradition, that was mixed with a questionable history of a Saint to make him acceptable. He's a cultural tradition.
We do Santa, but we definately *don't* emphasize the "good little kids" or "kids all over the world", because it's not true, and I think it sends the wrong message. Santa visits families that want him to. Other families have their own traditions.

[Momily]

In my experience we as adults look at the Santa situation and see lots of logical loopholes (and there are plenty) and think -- but if our kids see them they won't believe. But Santa's for kids who aren't yet logical. They can simultaneously know that it takes 4 hours to fly to Grandma's and that Santa can fly all over the world in one night. They can notice things like the Taget pricetags that Santa couldn't scrape all the way off the present and not go hmmmm. My kid knew that in one best friend's house the big present was unwrapped and from Santa, and in our house it's the middle sized wrapped gifts piled around the stocking, yet he never said "isn't it a lot for Santa to keep track of who likes which kind of wrapping paper". They also can watch a million Christmas shows on TV that include the message that most grownups don't believe and think -- why would a parent believe that they are the ones who bring presents if they're Santa -- wouldn't they KNOW whether or not they bring the presents? Once they're old enough to question, there will be a million things to question, and if you're truthful they'll figure it out.

I wouldn't say "Santa only comes to good girls and boys" or "Santa goes to every home". I'd simply say "in our house, Santa brings presents on Christmas", and know that a 3 year old will hear that as "Santa's real" and an 8 year old will hear that an figure out the truth. If your 4 year old comes to you and says "Why doesn't Santa bring my cousin Jacob a toy" you can say "Well, Jacob certainly is a good little boy, but his family celebrates differently".

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[kcstar]

My Catholic parents didn't do Santa, we just got gifts from them. I don't remember exactly how they handled it. I remember knowing at 5, 6, or 7 years old that some people pretend there's a Santa and that it wasn't for me to dissuade them.

My husband's Protestant family did do Santa. They got some gifts with the extended family (grandmother's house) on Christmas Eve, and then the bulk of the gifts, from "Santa", on Christmas day at the other grandma's house.

We're now Unitarian Universalist pagan/heathen, and intend to celebrate Yule. Except that I've decided my Yule is going to be approximately a 12-day celebration, Solstice to New Year (as Christmas used to be). Obviously the extended family makes a big deal of the 3rd / 4th day of Yule (Christmas), and we celebrate that with them.

Actually, I'm starting to do an interfaith calendar and some looking up additional traditions for next year. I had classmates who got a present on St. Nicholas' Day, December 6th (probably to help offset the twins born on Christmas day issues). Santa Lucia's day is also in December IIRC. Some people celebrate presents on Epiphany / Three Kings Day / Twelfth Night. I'm even thinking of trying to eat latke's during the week of Channukah.

DS is just over two, so like you we have time to work on our family traditions.

[Pavlovs]

My situation is similar, in that I am Jewish, my husband is Christian, but neither of us are religious. My older son is 5, and this year we did the whole Santa thing. I was unsure about it all, but it was sooooo fun! I can't believe how, even though last year we didn't "do" Santa, my son ate it all up! We baked cookies for Santa, and the first thing he did Xmas morning was tell me "Mom, Santa was here - he left half of a cookie!" Watching him enjoy the wonder of the holiday made it all worth it. We did Hanukkah too - lit a candle each night and my son said the prayer, so it's not like we are giving anything up. And TBH, Hanukkah is such an unimportant holidday in the Jewish religion. It's only made a big deal because Xmas is so close. I'll do the menorah next year but won't do a gift each day again - it was just too much presents with Xmas and Hanukkah, ya know? I think next year each night of Hanukkah my son will get a clue for the one nice Hanukkah gift he'll get so that there's some fun and build up without there being a ton of silly presents.

Honestly, I thought I'd have a problem with the whole Santa thing, but it was really fun watching my son enjoy it all!

[gcgirl]

This sounds like an excellent opportunity to introduce Santa as a cultural icon with various facets. My parents never did the good/bad boys and girls thing, and I was aware early on of people who don't do Santa (Jewish, JH, etc.), but I was always very curious about "where" Santa came from. It's not like it's this one monolithic thing, kwim? I don't think I'm explaining this properly.

Anyhow, you could have your own family version of Santa, picking and choosing the bits you like. Don't worry about what other people might tell your kids about it. I agree with your DH on this one.

[soso-lynn]

I never mentionned Santa in my house. Sometimes, my daughter heard about it from other kids at daycare and I just told her it was pretend. She went to a Jewish daycare so it was not that big a deal in her life.

Now that she is in school, christmas was made into some huge deals, with all kinds of related activities. I had to have a more serious talk about it with her. I told her that all that stuff was fun but that no old man was going to break into our house to give her presents. I make a point of always making sure she knows who her presents come from so she can appreciate that.

She did mention santa a few times these past week and I always just remind her that it is just pretend. If she wants to play pretend santa, that's fine.

I find the whole santa thing to be creepy and weird. I want my children to grow up with a critical mind and being able to tell reality from fantasy. Most parents would be concerned if their child actually believed that their favorite TV character or imaginary friend was real so why they think it is appropriate to have them believe in some magical stranger who watches them in their sleep is beyond me.