need encouragement

[annekh23]

I'm posting this in life with a babe because I don't think it's a problem that fits neatly into another specific topic. It's an everything baby problem, not just breastfeeding, or sleeping, or PPD, it's all of those!

My baby turned 7mths on Christmas Eve, she's adorable, which is a good job because it's the thing that's holding me together right now!

Ideally we'd room share, but not bed share, because I have a really hard time sleeping with a baby or child right next to me (this is number 3, so I've tried it quite a few times!), but DD has other ideas at the moment, she'll only sleep right next to me, or DH, but I haven't mastered the art of shifting her over to his side of the bed without waking her, so if she's in our bed she's with me, sometimes he takes her to the spare room, which saved my sanity last night after only getting 1hr sleep the previous night.

Perhaps it's time I read "The no cry sleep solution", but I'm a bit dubious about that, because if she cries as I hover over the cosleeper, trying to transfer her as gently as possible, I don't see how it's possible to get her in the cosleeper minus the crying.

As well as the lack of sleep, my body is suffering with her wriggles when I'm holding her and her desire to stand up - but only when supported by me. When you hold her, she acts like she doesn't want to be hold, so I try putting her down, only to realise that what she wants is some contorted in between position from me. I probably need to see a physical therapist, but time and child care are a barrier there.

Breastfeeding is actually ok in itself, I don't mind being on call 24/7, but it's caused some other issues, I got yelled at for refusing to cover up, and I'm not really getting any support irl over that, which is hard, I've tried explaining to DH that even if he thinks in that situation I should have covered up when asked, I still got yelled at, which isn't an appropriate response to a polite refusal, so I'd at least appreciate some sympathy on that issue!

I'm also getting a bit of stick from friends on my approach to solids, i.e. baby led weaning, I made a very general comment a couple of days ago about the number of things she's tasted and approved of versus the number of things she's actually swallowed (nothing, as she still has her tongue thrust reflex) and I got some flack about that, as in that I should offer her more and she'll get the idea, maybe she would, but right now she's showing no signs that she needs anything more, even her doctor said she wasn't ready for solids.

My other kids seem to be doing their best to drive me crazy right now, but I know they aren't really, it just all seems to much right now!

[Spiralshell]

I have no advice for you Mama, but couldn't read without sending a hug -- hang in there!

[sunshynbaby]

When it comes to "advice" from friends, I smile and nod, then ask to "pass the bean dip." Change the subject! You don't have to justify your parenting decisions to anyone, and you don't have to discuss them with anyone either. Yes, I get frustrated with comments that some friends make, but I try to let it roll off my back and don't invite discussions about my parenting choices.

Hang in there mama, and come here to vent anytime

[BlueWolf]

*hugs* A woman should never be yelled at for breast feeding, covered or uncovered.

Maybe try putting a blanket under DD that your DH can use to help slide her over to his side of the bed?

[aet.tea]

Hugs to you, Mama!

I'm with you on several of these things - looks like our DDs have the same birthday. She also wants to sleep next to me all night, and I'm not so good at settling in next to her - working on it, but not getting wonderful sleep now, either.

We're also taking it slow on the solids, as she doesn't seem to get any of it down either (probably still tongue-thrust reflex. I'm not pushing it). Don't worry about what anyone else says; no one knows your baby better than you.

Hang in there! and bravo to you for nursing in public. Keep it up.

[gbutterflykissesm]

I know where you're coming from! My DS was born May 27th. Sleeping was our major major challenge. DS is a very light sleeper and I have trouble sleeping well with him in the bed. We bought the Arm's Reach Cocoon and it has been a life saver. We can bounce or rock with DS in our arms all we want, but it stimulates him and he has a hard time getting to sleep. If we put him in the cocoon, we can rock and bounce it and he falls asleep within 5-10 minutes and stays asleep. At night he sleeps in the crib. He used to room share with us, but I found that we would both sleep too lightly that way. He sleeps for longer stretches in his own room.

As for the squirminess, my baby has always been the type to want to be held a lot. But he struggles when he's held. But he doesn't struggle if he's in a baby carrier, so when hanging around the house, if we're not playing with him he tends to hang out in the carrier a lot. He's starting to like being on our backs in the carrier, which is more comfortable than a front carry now that he's bigger.

As for friends with opinions, changing the subject is the best way to go. Know that you are doing what's best for your baby and just totally change the subject when controversial or unwanted advice is given.

My DS is super interested in food, but gags with anything we give him, purees or otherwise. So we just give him food to play with once or twice a day, and don't worry if he actually eats (he's EBF). So I hear you on that one!

As for BFing, I have never been yelled at, but BFing in public makes me feel powerful. Like, "Look--I have everything my baby needs right here, and it's against the law to tell me to put it away. Ha!"

[annekh23]

Thanks for the encouragement.

My brain is so frazzled at the moment, everything is a blur, but it ended up last night that DH slept in the spare room and moved the cosleeper in there with him and managed to get her to sleep in the cosleeper for all the bits of the night when she was actually sleeping.

I've failed to follow the logic of why they went in there if they weren't going to bedshare, though maybe him being there and me not being there helped get her to sleep in the cosleeper.

He's off work this week, so it seems like we might as well try it, though he falls asleep so easily that he falls asleep in our bed in the time it takes me to feed her, then I have to wake him up for him to take her back through to the spare room.

I think I got more sleep, though I don't like the more abrupt waking I get with them walking into the room, rather than the more gradual becoming aware that she's stirring when we are in the same room.

I have a really tender area in my back today, so my complaints about her wriggles were not unjustified!

I definitely need to get more skilled in ignoring comments, or redirecting conversations, it's just unfortunate that I have one particular friend who I need to work harder to create appropriate boundaries with but without pushing her away, we don't have family in the country and this friend and her family really are like aunt, uncle and cousins to my kids and I do really value that.

I just joined a local AP group, but I haven't had a chance to get to an event yet. I'm also really looking forward to LLL next week, I wish it met more often than monthly!

[emmaegbert]

some IRL like-minded mom friends may do you worlds of wonder. I am so glad I have a community to be part of, makes me feel less crazy.

And, as for the sore back, I hear you there too. We took baby to a chiropracter, who can also work on me and totally doesn't mind me having both kids along. She's really nice! There might be someone like that who can work with you at least a little bit. Perhaps not the perfect solution, but better than nothing?