What do I say when new mom asks...

[Bethla]

how about breastfeeding during the day and formula at night so baby and mom can "sleep longer"? Mom feels ambivalent about nursing at this point. The mom is my sis who lives 400 plus miles away. I feel like this is entirely up to her but I think this will sabotage her nursing efforts. She wants me to call her and discuss this. I need some good feedback for her.

[Baby_Cakes]

Others might disagree with me on this one, but if mom is willing to bf part of the time and formula feed at night VERSUS giving up bf'ing altogether, I am of the mindset that any and all bm that the baby gets is better than nothing. Does that make sense? You're saying she's ambivalent about nursing so is she about to stop nursing completely b/c they're not sleeping at night? If so, I would support her. But, I would warn her that it might not work (as in, baby may still wake often) and doing this might cause problems w/supply (just so she's informed). JMO.

[_betsy_]

Who wants to get up and mix formula and fumble with bottle sin the middle of the night? So much easier to just lift a shirt. You get way more sleep BFing, I'd think.

Maybe encourage her to think about co-sleeping?

Maybe encourage her to just BF 24/7 for the first 6-8 weeks to see how it goes and establish supply. By the time she makes it to that goal, she'll likely be having an easier time with nursing and not want to deal with bottles.

Fiscally, BFing is a lot cheaper, no bottles to buy (and wash!), no running to the store in the middle of the night for baby's formula, etc.

[calebsmommy25]

Is she open to co-sleeping? When I wanted to sleep 'longer' (does that even happen with newborns?) or 'better', I brought my little bean into bed with me. It was the best choice for our family...our little man still sleeps in our bed most of the time, sometimes in his crib (which is only a couple of feet from our bed).

If baby is brand new, I would def. encourage solely breastfeeding. Make it clear that introducing anything other than the breast could hurt her supply and the baby's ability to breastfeed. Encourage her to sleep whenever the baby sleeps, and remind her that her sole responsiblities during the first few weeks is to eat, sleep, feed baby, change diapers, drink lots and lots of water, and shower (if she's lucky!)

[PatioGardener]

Introduction of formula increases risks to baby's health, including gastrointestinal, ear and respiratory infections. Even one bottle of formula changes the flora in baby's gut. We don't know the long term ramifications of this.

There is a good chance that even with formula, baby won't sleep better. Formula may upset baby's gut, and then both mom and baby will sleep worse.

Milk making hormones are highest at night, so if mom isn't nursing at night her supply will drop.

Has she thought about safe co-sleeping and nursing? More sleep for all!

[Petali]

Originally Posted by Bethla

I feel like this is entirely up to her

That's because it is. She is trying. If you imply in any way that you don't approve she may throw in the towel altogether.

[calebsmommy25]

Originally Posted by _betsy_

Who wants to get up and mix formula and fumble with bottle sin the middle of the night? So much easier to just lift a shirt. You get way more sleep BFing, I'd think.
Maybe encourage her to think about co-sleeping?

Maybe encourage her to just BF 24/7 for the first 6-8 weeks to see how it goes and establish supply. By the time she makes it to that goal, she'll likely be having an easier time with nursing and not want to deal with bottles.

Fiscally, BFing is a lot cheaper, no bottles to buy (and wash!), no running to the store in the middle of the night for baby's formula, etc.

My thoughts exactly! When I was caring for a little girl who was on formula, I thought it was SO much more work! Happy to do it for her, but still more work. I'm a lazy type of Mom I guess, I prefer to feed straight from the tap!

[jessica_s]

I'd ask her what her nursing goals are. If she's ok with early weaning because of decreased supply from losing those night time feedings then it's her decision. Usually moms don't know that really they are just robbing peter to pay paul, giving everyone a "break" usually leads to more frustration and much more effort to keep the nursing relationship going than to just nurse at night.

Since prolactin levels are highest at around 3am nighttime nursing is really important. Her body will get the message that she doesn't need that much milk, and start making less. It's supply and demand. Especially for a new mother, night nursing is extremely important for supply.

Mom sure needs to sleep, so do babies, but babies were not meant to sleep long hours. Especially in the beginning. Formula, sleeping in a separate room and other things designed to give moms and babies more sleep can increase the risk of SIDS.

Maybe she's concerned about getting enough sleep? Does she know how to safely sleep while nursing her baby? Does she know that's an option? There is a lot to be said about making sure your sleeping throughout the day with a new little one.

It does sound like a good idea if your not aware of the problems it causes, many mothers also think that maybe pumping and giving a bottle would be easier but often it's just not. If she's having trouble or pain nursing she might benefit from a short break with the pump or a nice chunk of sleep.

Just listen and see what she says, maybe she just needs some reassurance that she's doing the right thing or she's got questions about things. Having support is really important!

[Bethla]

Baby is due sometime early February. Thinking about sending her a Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book...so as not to seem like I'm "lecturing" her. Not quite sure why people think they should somehow get sleep with a newborn

[Latte Mama]

Yes, send her the book. Everyone has given great things to say. Make sure she knows that newborns need to eat through the night no matter what fluid it is. Giving a bottle of formula is not a miracle sleep aid NOR should it be.

[VeganCupcake]

Originally Posted by jessica_s

I'd ask her what her nursing goals are. If she's ok with early weaning because of decreased supply from losing those night time feedings then it's her decision. Usually moms don't know that really they are just robbing peter to pay paul, giving everyone a "break" usually leads to more frustration and much more effort to keep the nursing relationship going than to just nurse at night.

Since prolactin levels are highest at around 3am nighttime nursing is really important. Her body will get the message that she doesn't need that much milk, and start making less. It's supply and demand. Especially for a new mother, night nursing is extremely important for supply.

Mom sure needs to sleep, so do babies, but babies were not meant to sleep long hours. Especially in the beginning. Formula, sleeping in a separate room and other things designed to give moms and babies more sleep can increase the risk of SIDS.

Maybe she's concerned about getting enough sleep? Does she know how to safely sleep while nursing her baby? Does she know that's an option? There is a lot to be said about making sure your sleeping throughout the day with a new little one.

It does sound like a good idea if your not aware of the problems it causes, many mothers also think that maybe pumping and giving a bottle would be easier but often it's just not. If she's having trouble or pain nursing she might benefit from a short break with the pump or a nice chunk of sleep.

Just listen and see what she says, maybe she just needs some reassurance that she's doing the right thing or she's got questions about things. Having support is really important!

This is such a good point. Everyone I've known who has formula fed at night and breastfed during the day has had supply problems or a baby who weaned early (by anthropological standards). If this doesn't really matter to her, then that's her choice. If she wants a long-term breastfeeding relationship, then formula feeding at night is probably not a good idea.

[SoulCakes]

Does she mean her partner will be the one up at night, mixing formula for the baby? That's the only way I can see the mom getting more sleep with the breastfeeding/formula combo.

I was (and still am) possibly the laziest mother on earth. That's why we coslept, so I could stick a boob in my DD's mouth when she started stirring. This worked beautifully - even though I tended to sleep a little uncomfortably, I still slept *lot* - which was more important in my book.

I think sending the book is a good idea. People have so many expectations and plans regarding parenting before the baby is actually born. Those tend to be modified pretty quickly once the little one arrives until a harmony is achieved. It's different with every family - she may find that the idea of formula feeding just doesn't jive with her after giving breastfeeding a try. (In my case, I only planned on breastfeeding for six weeks (what did I know?) but ended up letting DD self-wean. It was such a beautiful time.)

[farmidwife]

i'm not sure if the womanly art was just your favorite breastfeeding book, so i don't want to impose my thoughts, but i really really like the book breastfeeding made simple: seven natural laws for nursing mothers. it's really accessible, and it explains things in a very intuitive way but isn't overly hippy dippy etc. i remember descriptions of different types of mammals (like how deer make a nest and go forage and come back to nurse, so their young are designed to go 4-6 hours w/o feeding, but humans and other primates are "carry" mammals who are designed to feed every 1-2 hours, and be carried everywhere all the time.) idk, for me and a lot of people i've used that "story" to explain some breastfeeding principles to, it seems to be very easy to understand and remember, instead of the "rules" of breastfeeding being sort of abstract and up for debate. i agree with everyone's ideas that in general, if she wants to breastfeed for very long, formula at night will most likely make that very difficult for a bunch of reasons. your sister's lucky to have you!

[PatioGardener]

The Sears Baby Book is great too - and not a "Breastfeeding Book" so she may be more inclined to read it. It has a lot of great AP stuff in it as well.

[mambera]

I think you need to meet her where she's at.

It doesn't sound like she's 'at' "what are the health benefits for my baby" and "will my supply be safe" so I wouldn't go there bc it will just sound like a lecture and turn her off.

It sounds like she's at "I want to get more sleep and make my life easier" so I would meet her there.

1) Formula-fed babies do not STTN at greater rates than their breastfed peers.

2) Making a bottle of formula in the middle of the night is a huge PITA. (I had to do it briefly due to supply issues and it totally sucked. I can pretty much sleep through night nursing but there's no way you can sleep through a formula feeding.)

I would bring up those two points and NOT mention issues of baby health (bc you will sound like you are lecturing her) and also NOT mention issues of supply (bc you will make bf sound even more annoying than she already thinks it is and that will likely push her further towards formula).

Also I ditto the rec for Seven Natural Laws over Womanly Art. Womanly Art is preachy and could be a huge turnoff to somebody who is not committed to bf.

[Bethla]

Originally Posted by mambera

I think you need to meet her where she's at.

It doesn't sound like she's 'at' "what are the health benefits for my baby" and "will my supply be safe" so I wouldn't go there bc it will just sound like a lecture and turn her off.

It sounds like she's at "I want to get more sleep and make my life easier" so I would meet her there.

This is very on target. I think she feels like her needs of sleep will trump baby's need for nutrition/importance of breastfeeding. Her dh would probably help with nightly feedings, but his work schedule changes frequently. She is not very "in" to breastfeeding. She has seen me nurse all of my children and knows I will support her no matter what. But maybe was disgusted with me because they all nursed well past infancy. She may see this as too much of a commitment.

[PatioGardener]

Originally Posted by Bethla

But maybe was disgusted with me because they all nursed well past infancy. She may see this as too much of a commitment.

The handout on the benefits of breastfeeding may help - I don't have the link on me but it goes "if you breastfeed for 1 day..." etc and show how any amount of breastfeeding is beneficial.

[*Aimee*]

I ff exclusively (I have IGT and baby only gets about 3oz of breastmilk a day) and I think the idea of getting more sleep from formula feeding is stupid. I had one ff boy that got up every 4 hours and one that was up to eat ever hour and a half until he was 16 months old.

FF babies eat at night too.

[zinemama]

If she's ambivalent about breastfeeding, I would strongly urge you NOT to send her The Womanly Art or the Sears book. Those are good for people who are already on board with bf (althrough personally I can't stand TWA).

The absolute best book for someone in your sister's situation is So That's What They're For by Janet Tomaso. It is funny, informative, not all woo-woo or preachy, and written for the "mainstream" woman who has never really given breastfeeding yay or nay much consideration.

[HollyBaby]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

There is a good chance that even with formula, baby won't sleep better. Formula may upset baby's gut, and then both mom and baby will sleep worse.

Yes yes THIS! Formula also is notorious for causing constipation. A constipated baby isn't a sleeping baby. She'll have a screaming baby.

Since she's thinking convenience, let her know that her baby has to eat, whether or not she wants to get up, and it takes more time to prepare a formula-bottle than to nurse. When nursing at night, it's as easy as co-sleeping and letting baby have the boob. My little one doesn't even cry when she's hungry because she doesn't need to. As soon as she stirs and makes this smacking sound with her mouth, I know she's hungry, she gets fed, she's learned that she gets food when she smacks. So she cries very little during the day. It's really nice having a hungry-cue that isn't screams. Does she want her baby to learn that the way to get food is screaming?