how to tell family that number 4 is on its way - Page 2

[mlystew20]

how to tell family that number 4 is on its way

Originally Posted by COgirl19

wow, I got called a "rabbit" just for having a 2nd! I would just tell them yes we are having #4 and we are absolutely thrilled! Leave it at that. I think you have every right to tell people that the rude comments are hurtful though. It is your family and your buisness/decision only.

seriously, where is this, China? People need to mind their own business if they are just going to be negative.

[Baby_Cakes]

I'd just say, "Wow, thanks for your support. Talk to you later then. Bye."

If they are going to say rude things and aren't even part of your day-to-day, then whatever. Inform them of the news and go on your merry way!

Congrats on #4!!!

[Homebirth_Mom216]

my Husband and I are Catholics, so we will just be letting God decide how our family will be, but we are hoping to have a large family so I think it's great! Maybe this isn't helpful, but when people ask us how many kids we want to have, my husband says:

"Well, she wants 30 and I want 2 so we are compromising at 16." Pretty much ends the conversation with a laugh every time.

He is just kidding about only wanting 2. Compared to 16, 4 will sound like you're just getting started!

[Tiffanoodle]

I'm going through the same thing. My dh is an only child and his parents are both being great about our #4 on the way. My family, not so much. They have been anywhere from indifferent ("oh, really? another one?") to just plain mean (My dad: "NO! I though you were done after the last one.") Yes, this one was unplanned and a little closer to #3 than we wanted (we were going to wait another 8 months to ttc) but what is being nasty to us going to do? I was really depressed this weekend and I broke down and told my mom that I really wish I wasn't pregnant. Things are so chaotic right now and the timing is really not great. Her response was "well, you don't believe in abortion, so there's really nothing you can do." Whenever anyone brings up "well, this IS your last one, RIGHT?" (my dad says that nearly every time he sees me) I say "we're not entirely sure yet. We think we'll probably stop at 4, but we're keeping our options open and might change our mind in a few years." How is it any of their business? They don't support us. They don't take care of our kids. We do all of that and will whether we have 1 or 10.

[Free Thinker]

Hugs! I think that no matter how many or few you have, family just want to say something! When we told our families about #3 (and unknowingly #4), it was a big suprise! We had told them we planned on more, but the plan was for them to be al ittle farther apart. My favorite responses were MIL "I thought you were going to build a house this year?" (to which we responed "Well, I guess we will be building a house with a new baby in tow"). SHe left to go get something out of her car. When she came back in she said "I'm sorry I'm not more excited, I think I'm in shock!" FIL's was something along these lines "You know what causes that, right?" I think it took him a few minutes to realize what DH said. My family just said congrats. I have no idea what they will say if we have #5 (and no, I'm not PG, just lurking). So far we are neither one ready to make a 100% decision.

[SwanMom]

I'm pregnant with #3 and got one, "What?! Three kids?!" from a friend who is not very close. Everyone else has been awesome, but it's amazing how that one reaction hurt.

My parents had 7 kids. Their parents gave them a hard time for #6, but by #7 my grandpa had come around. I think he realized that he was the 7th baby (my other grandparents were the 4th of 7, the 4th of 4, and the 8th of 8)

Bottom line: MYOB.

[johannasonja]

Thank you all for your answers, it has been really helpful comments.
My sister would be one where i actually plan on not telling her at all, but my Dad will ruin that for me, he did with number 3, so we will see. I might just get unfriendly the next time may be then they will shut their mouth, would be better for them because we are probably not done after number 4 either.

I am really surprised though that a lot of you have problems too, in germany its not common at all to have more then 2, but here i see so many with 4 children or more that i actually thought its more "excepted" in the states.

johannasonja

[klocke]

I am also expecting #4 and although it is highly impersonal I emailed people that didn't have Facebook and everyone else found out on Facebook when I was about 8 weeks. I decided to go that route because I knew there would be negative comments and this way people could absorb it in their own space and by the time they saw me have gotten it together so I didn't have to hear it. I started getting negative comments w/ #2 so I knew ahead of time it wasn't going to be a joyous event for anyone but myself, DH & our kids. This way seems to have worked pretty well because I have only got 2 negative comments in person.

[Pinoikoi]

You could always not tell them.. just show up one day with a huge belly.. or with a baby..

"PK! Why didn't you tell us!"

"Oh, I thought you would be really negative and rude so I chose not to."

[aurora_skys]

Originally Posted by Kidzaplenty

I usually respond with something like, "Well, which one of my children would you wish I never had?"

It usually gets them to be quiet.

yes. this. stops them every time. Now, I dont have that many kids yet but we hope to have a lot. The women in my family looove to tell me what to do with my uterus so when they make rude comments I tell them that when I am done having children they can tell me which ones shouldnt exist. Stops them in their verbal tracks and leaves them gaping like goldfish (until the next time I see them, of course they are also convenient amnesiacs lol)

That response really helps ppl understand how awful their comments sound to a mother or mother to be...

[johannasonja]

I would love to just show up with a huge belly, but my fam is overseas, also my sister might come to visit next year and i could just not tell her (unless my dad tells her). That would be to awesome.


johannasonja

[vanislandmama]

We are expecting #4. There were a couple of people in our family who we thought would react negatively. I made sure to sound over the top excited so that they had no choice in their reaction. It worked! I think people can pick up on your tone, if you sound a bit apprehensive they will go with that. If you are totally excited and positive, they will be too.