facing surgery, when to prep kids

[mommy amber]

I have to have surgery that will require an overnight stay and then a week recovery at home in about 2 weeks.
wondering when to start mentally preparing my small children for my absence.
I have a 3.5 yo dd and a 11 mo ds. both are very attached to me.
they will be home with dh through the ordeal.
obviously, there's not much I can do in ds's case except make sure there's plenty of mama milk in the fridge.
but I'm wondering when to start talking to dd about it?
I have never been away from here for more than a couple hours at a time and I have always been here at night.
I am probably making a bigger deal out of this han I need to, but I'm feeling more anxious about leaving my kiddos than the actual surgery and just want to prepare them as best I can...
thanks!

[mommy amber]

fyi
dd definitely does not have a firm grasp of time...so I'm mostly worried about:
1. telling her too early and having her fixate/worry for 2 weeks
and she is very spirited/intense/sensitive and difficult to transition
2. not giving her enough time to come to terms with what will be happening.

[Lasater]

If it were me, I would tell her very matter-of-factly why I was going to be gone for a night (sparing any un-necessary details) and I would follow it up by telling her about the special activities she will be doing that night. Maybe dinner will be her favorite meal, and then a fun project prepared for her to do, and new pajamas for bed (insert your ideas). I would tell her 2-3 days before your surgery and then make it about the FUN evening that is coming up for her.

Accept lots of gentle hugs for quick healing afterwards. I hope all goes well with your surgery.

[denimtiger]

I had emergency surgery in the middle of the night back in October. I had to stay away all the next day and overnight the next night, then back home and recover for close to two weeks.

My dd is 2.5 and extremely attached. She had never been away from me past 9 in the evening, ever. I am a single mom, so it's just me. She's still nursing, too. My dad took me to the hospital and kept her while I was at the hospital.

She was fine. Perfectly fine. Papa slept with her like mommy does, and she was great.

We had no prep time AT ALL. And everything was okay. So, I would just relax about it. It's overnight. Everyone will be okay.

Now, recovering with an active toddler was interesting, but we survived that too. I was home alone trying to recover and take care of her about 95% of it. Occasionally someone would take her for an afternoon, and friends did help with dinners, but mostly she was here. We survived that, too.

*hugs* It will all be okay.

[limabean]

Yes, just be matter-of-fact. The time away is minor, and they'll be with their other parent -- they'll be just fine. Have Dad plan fun activities for that night -- rent a movie, make popcorn, etc., and you'll be home before you know it.

[zinemama]

I told my kids a week before my surgery. But they were older, 6 and 9. With a 3yo, I'd mention it a few days before, then remind her every day about it up until you leave. But as the pp said, it's only overnight, so it shouldn't be a huge ordeal for her.

[inkslinger]

I had surgery last year. My kids were 2 and 4. My youngest had no concept of time, so I just told her that I would be gone for a day right before I left (they stayed home with daddy at night, with my SIL while H and I were at the hospital)

I told my 4 year old a few days beforehand that I had to go to the doctor and I was pretty honest about what was going on. She did fine with it all.

Recovery with my 2 year old, in particular, was hard. Luckily H was able to stay home for a few days because I couldn't hold her or anything. Good luck!!