Are you raising your family the way you want? - Page 2

[nudhistbudhist]

OUr gap is pretty small but has gotten bigger as I got farther along in my pregnancy. I'm 39 weeks now, and have been opting for processed organic foods at times for convenience, and halfway through my pregnancy I had to give ds a paci because my nipples could not take that much nursing. I have also been using the portable dvd player in the bathroom to keep DS on the toilet long enought for him to FINISH the BM he started so that it doesnt end up on him or the floor. He just wont sit still long enough to finish right now, and we dont do diapers, so thats just the way its going to have to be until this passes. I'm sure there will be more things that go not quite the way I want once the new little one is born, but we will deal with those as they come. I'm not toooooo concerned, but then again, my DS is only 16 months...

[bugginsmom]

Our gap is really really tiny, to be honest. We have a set of ideals that we all live by and it works for us. Now, my ds isn't in school, and I suspect that once he is in kindergarten (next year) the gap may widen since we won't have complete control over his environment, etc. We just take it one day at a time and live with what works for us.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by AutumnAir

-We really need more exercise/outdoor time, and that's almost all my fault.

That's a good reminder for me on an ideal I've let slide as well. Thank you.

I grew up in a super, duper active family. My dad to this day is a triathlete. Unfortunately I ended up with health issues that don't impact anyone else in my rather large family, and with my kids I can't seem to get anywhere near the level of activity that I cherish from my own childhood...and that I see as so important for children.

So I am posting a second time to add this to my list, and pretty high up there.

[gaudynight]

My ideals have evolved over time. DD1 was born naturally in hospital; I refused an epidural because I'm afraid of doctors/medical stuff and wanted as little to do with them as possible. Luckily, we had a great team who apparently recognised sheer terror and let me do it my way. After that experienced I researched homebirth and realised that that was what I wanted. Co-sleeping and extended breastfeeding happened because it suited us.

My ideals now: well, we homebirth, co-sleep, extended bf, use cloth nappies, etc, etc, etc. However, we watch too much TV, don't get outside enough, and don't eat nearly as well as I'd like. I hope this changes as the kids get bigger and are more independent. I think at the moment we're coping as well as we can and I guess I'm pretty happy with our lives.

[Norasmomma]

For us mostly yes, but my ideals were more go with the flow. I didn't set the bar so high that it would be impossible to reach and thus making myself feel like a failure all the time. I personally think way too many parents(especially moms) do that. I think the best way to measure how you're parenting is to look at your kids, mine both seem happy. My 3 year old will tell you through her actions if she needs more activity, my son is just a little baby, but he tells me what he needs.

Honestly I think in many ways I'm a much better parent than I ever dreamed I'd be, but I do have a downfall...I yell about stuff way too much, not like bad yelling just pick up your toys, please shut the fridge, that kind of stuff.

We used to have TV, but now we just watch movies online or DVDs we have and some shows on Hulu and such. I personally never said we'd be Tv-free or anything, we watch TV, but now it's much better just watching the few things we want to. I make much of our food, but I'll admit I am lazy at times, we have a new baby and a 3 year old. There are times when mac n cheese or a frozen pizza are fabulous. We never go out to eat, but that's just more financial than anything.

[sewchris2642]

I never read a parenting book until after Dylan was born. I read child development books to give me a time line of when to expect things. Other than that, I winged it. Observed my kids, tried things, dropped what didn't work and kept what did. Did some things with one child and something different with another. Didn't realize that there was a name for it (attachment parenting) until Dylan was 18 months old.

Co-sleeping, making my own baby food/clw, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, babywearing, homeschooling were all tried first because I wanted to. They were easy, didn't require much effort on my part and were cheaper than other choices. Not because of any underlying philosophy or parenting style. I also used disposible diapers, formula and bottles, didn't pump, bought commercial babyfood, used infant seats and strollers, moved children into their own room around 4 months, and put children in public schools. All depending on child and circumstances.

My over all goal (parenting philosophy, if you will) has been to raise adults who think for themselves, are discerning, vote intelligently, be able to support themselves and their family, live within their means and take responsibility for their own lives and actions. I've done it 3 times so far and have every confidence that I can reach the same goal with the last one.

[Smokering]

Ooh, challenging question.

Honestly? Not really. I'm lazier and less interactive than I want to be. In theory I'd read more to DD and spend more time doing direct one-on-one play with her than I do. I'd also be better about remembering to bath her and brush her hair! (Not that she cares or anything... often I head out the door feeling pleased I managed to do my own hair and wear something moderately unstained, only to notice halfway down the road that she has something smeared all over her face and jam in her hair. Oops.)

We do cosleep, EBF, use CDs (though less consistently than we should - sposies, albeit "eco"-sposies, have crept in for nights and trips out of the house), avoid some of the more heinous kinds of junk food and so on, all of which I intended to do. The homebirth didn't happen, but that was the fault of pre-eclampsia so I don't feel guilty about it.

I think the transition from "baby parenting", which was fairly basic - feed, change, sleep with, feed again - to more complex parenting, which involves scary things like potty training and dealing with tantrums, has taken me by surprise. I keep forgetting that I have to do that stuff now, and that she won't magically learn the names of animals if I don't teach them to her. Which is a bit of a worry, given that I plan to homeschool. Hopefully I'll find my groove soon!

[laohaire]

Breastfeeding - I exceeded expectations here. My goal was to go for 2 years. DD is 4.5 and we still nurse once or twice a day. Honestly, I don't like to do it anymore (physically icky feeling, not any intellectual problems with it) but I stick with it because of the next item.

Diet - Far, far fell short of my ideals here. I'm big into nutrition, but DD eats junk. Like 80% of her diet is junk. Maybe more. This is the single biggest failure that upsets me every day.

Quality time - We meet or exceed expectations here.

Exercise - It's less than the total ideal but I'm reasonably satisfied with our activity in warm months. Cold months we still do some stuff but less than the warm months.

Cosleeping - We actually continue to do this and we're happy.

Screen time - a lot more than I like but we have been reducing it to the point that I'm not too concerned about it anymore. Actually I'm perfectly happy with the level of TV-watching now, the only thing that I still don't like is that DD also uses the computer to play games every day. I would have preferred to wait for her to use compters at all but I'm probably just kidding myself.

Schooling - I feel really happy about this, we decided to homeschool but what I'm really happy about is that DH and I made this decision together. I don't feel committed to HS for life, I'm open about it, but I feel like we're together on that, and that's great. I don't actually know how it will go though; some of the things I started with very lightly went over really great at first but then she quickly got tired. I backed off and will let her be. I'm just not sure quite how it will go because while I'm a nerd (and always was... I remember when I was 7 I could be made happy for a good hour with a pen and a piece of graph paper, where I'd make multiplication tables and other number patterns) she's not, so I'll have to figure out how to reach her and relate to her in terms of learning. But not yet.

Toys - DD has a ton of plastic toys but I've gotten to be fairly ok with it. Barbie dolls are her absolute favorite, another "sigh, but I'll live." She's really familiar with characters, not my intention at all, but I don't feel as strongly about it as I do about nutrition.

I can't really think of other categories but it was nice to think it out because while I was feeling like there was a huge overall chasm between what I wanted and what we're doing, it's actually really all about the diet. Now that part is still a chasm, but if I can tackle that I think I'll be fairly satisfied overall.

[meemee]

for me in some ways the gap is v. small. we ARE living the way we want to.

HOWEVER in some areas our gap is HUUUUUGE!!!!

my dd needs a lot of aggressive play. lots of horsing around - fighting, chasing, running around and she gets v. little to almost none of that. when she does get that oh boy the difference is amazing. whenever we get together with specific friends and she is able to be as aggressive as she wants to be in play - she is a muuuuuuuuuch mellow kid afterwards.

the other thing is nature. i am not able to give her as much time in mud, in nature as i would like to. i hate parks and its structured ways but thats where we go most. we try and go for hikes and camping as much as possible, but to spend hours next to a stream is just something we dont do on a regular basis. i see a huge difference too in dd - a kind of a satisfied look - after we've been there as opposed to a park.

for dd these two things are as essential as good eating and simple living. and i feel horrible that i am unable to do these things as much as i would like to.

[Tjej]

I find it really hard to answer because as time goes on my ideals and my DH's ideals are very different. In general we have the same goals (morally upright, kind children and a loving home), but the practical outworkings when it comes to things like TV or BFing can look pretty different to each of us.

Tjej

Our house and home don't look exactly like I would envision them by myself (actually, they look very different from what I would envision by myself), but I'm not parenting by myself so things need to reflect both of our parenting styles and choices.

[MJB]

For the most part, yes, totally. We've loosened up on a lot of stuff over the years-- the second kiddo got a pacifier for part of his first year, we decided to send the kids to school, we let in select plastic toys (Lego, Schleich, and Playmobil). But I had good births, we cosleep until the kids are ready for their own beds, did (mostly) child-led weaning (I gave my oldest son a push at 5), limit screen time to 45 minutes a day, cloth diapered from birth-potty training, the kids get healthy food 95% of the time (fast food maybe once a month), they make their own choices about schooling, they get unsupervised outside play every day. I'm really into free-range parenting as my kids grow, and they are really confident and capable.
The biggest gap is that I yell more than I would like. I do believe in having firm rules and consequences for behavior, but the yelling isn't necessary.