Visiting family thinks food is weird, just a vent

[stephienoodle]

Ok, so SIL and nephews (16 and 10) are visiting for the week. They got here yesterday and so far I've fed them vegetable beef soup (beef bone broth, tomatoes, butter beans, green beans, onion and potato) with almond flour biscuits for lunch, homemade spaghetti sauce for dinner with rice noodles and a spinach salad (which DN10 and SIL did not eat at all - they had carrot sticks), and soaked oatmeal cooked with milk and a little brown sugar with various fruit choices to add. Lots of broth was tossed from the soup, only half of the almond biscuits were eaten, spaghetti went over mostly ok, but the oatmeal was a huge flop. I probably have a 3 cup lump of beautiful organic gluten-free oatmeal cooked in pastured milk sitting in my sink to go down the disposal.

I'm already cooking mostly outside of my allergy restrictions so it is less weird for them, but DH is also gluten-free now so we're not doing any gluten meals. I've not tried them on the pecan brown rice GF bread that you can get frozen from the store and I also have my first attempt at sourdough starter going upstairs, but it will not be until Thursday that there's a chance of a loaf being ready I think.

I've been letting them dish out portions and kind of pick and choose what parts of the meal that they want to eat... but 3 meals in, we've probably thrown out $10 worth of food and goodness knows how much of mine time preparing it.

I tried so hard to make a "less weird" food menu for the week but DN10 is already talking about how we should go out for pizza. I think I'm going to completely scrap the buckwheat pancakes and homemade yogurt & granola, and not attempt sloppy joe over quinoa (maybe sloppy joe over rice though). It is so frustrating to be cooking REAL food and have it go over so poorly.

Oh... and just to make the whole scenario worse? My dishwasher just broke.

So... this is just a vent. I'm frustrated and don't know what else to do...

[Teenytoona]

What about somethign simple, like a roast and some veggies? That's not too far-out a food for most people (ya know, the meat and potato types). Or perhaps a roast chicken(s) (or even roasted chicken legs/thighs - I don't know a single kid who doesn't LOVE drumsticks) with some veggies. Make fajita fixings: \meat strips, peppers, onions, beans, salsa, cheese and/or some tortillas for the visitors. These things look more typical I reckon, and they might get better reception from your guests.

[spedteacher30]

Since you are already cooking outside your own allergies, I would just give up and get some foods they will eat: lunchmeat, bread, a couple cans of soup for lunches, some cold cereal and milk for breakfast, and then ask your SIL for ideas for dinner.

I don't eat TF myself, but I am a pretty adventurous and flexible eater, so I would be OK, but my partner and son wouldn't touch your meals.

My mom eats veggie in her own home, but always buys things for the grandchildren that they will eat. (I eat her food happily--since it is how I prefer to eat as well--but my brother, SIL and partner end up eating like the kids )

Since the point of the visit is to enjoy family, I think removing the food issues (and hunger!) from the equation will make everyone happier and the visit will be more enjoyable.

[Ruthla]

Maybe getting takeout for some meals isn't such a bad idea. Let them eat the "junk food" they're used to (on paper plates!), while you eat the foods that you can eat safely, without worrying about trying to please them. In fact, why don't you switch entirely to paper plates for the duration of their visit? I would certainly insist on paper when they're eating any of your allergens, to minimize the risk of cross-contamination if the plates aren't properly washed, and also the possibility of a contact allergy if you're the one washing the plates.

For the meals you do cook together, try to stick to familiar (to them) ingredients. Forget the rice pasta or any bread made from unfamiliar flour. You've got potatoes and/or rice for the starch in all the meals. How about homemade burgers and homemade french fries (with purchased wheat flour buns for them) and a side salad? Sheppard's pie? Roast chicken and rice? Or maybe ask them to help you brainstorm meal ideas within all of your dietary restrictions (comfort being their restriction and health being yours.)?

[cristeen]

I'm with Ruthla. There are plenty of GF meals that you could cook that don't involve substitutes. Go for meat and potato or meat and rice dishes.

And why would you throw out the oatmeal? It's not bad just because it's leftover. I make pancakes with it the next day just by adding an egg to about a cup of cold oatmeal. Or you can heat up a little water and then stir it into it to thin it so you can heat it up again.

[tanyalynn]

I'm sorry. It sounds like you've made a real effort to make food that's familiar. Other folks have had good ideas for how to deal with this, it sounds like you tried hard and planned well, and they're just not at a point of being interested in stepping beyond their comfort zone.

[stephienoodle]

Ok, a bit of relief is that Brandon the superhero Maytag guy fixed my dishwasher.

Anyhow, I do have plain stuff planned, but I didn't want to copy meals since they were only going to be here a week. Today I did salmon for lunch (with carrot sticks, ranch dressing, and oranges), roast chicken breast and roast veggies (with tons of potatoes and carrots for those not used to it) are in the oven for dinner. I plan on doing a pot roast and mashed potatoes later in the week, too.

Part of the complication of this is that I don't want to give in food-wise. DN16 may be moving in with us long term. I don't want him to think that fast food, junk food, convenience food, etc. is an option in our home, because we're trying to deal with ADHD behaviors that really seem to have some food basis. His mom was telling me yesterday that he was SO MUCH calmer and nicer and cooperative after he came home from visiting us for 3 weeks last summer. He had no junk food while he was here and he was even able to be off of his meds for a while. DH also is newly GF and will not be able to be "good" if there is junk in the house. I can't deal with his gluten-induced moods with everything else happening!

The fajitas are a good idea. I didn't think about that - and I can get corn tortillas so DH is fine.

Oh, and I discovered that DN10 will eat the gluten free bread in the fridge, with mayo and cheese. He got hungry after eating *only* carrot sticks for lunch. He wouldn't even eat oranges. But now we have a meal alternative for when he doesn't like what I've fixed, LOL.

Cristeen, some oatmeal was saved and put away. The oatmeal that got tossed was what they had dished out and then didn't eat. They piled the sugar on and 2 of them are sick. I didn't want to save it and feed it to DH later, just to get him sick.

I'll report back later... high hopes for the roasted chicken and veggies for dinner.

[lastrid]

I don't think I'd give in as far as allergens are concerned. That's really not fair to you. They wouldn't change the way they eat to accommodate you if you were visiting for a week, would they? It seems kind of snarky to say that, but dealing with food allergies is hard enough without having to cater to picky people, especially when no one ever caters to you (rant over ). I would try making the more familiar foods, but if that's not successful either, don't feel bad about it.

[Magelet]

I would try making the more familiar foods, and if that doesn't work, I would say "You know what, if you don't like what we are making you are welcome to buy and make your own food to eat, however, if must be xyz for our safety. (no gluten, free of your allergens, etc). If you don't like what I've made for you, you are welcome to cook your own food to eat at dinner, if you aren't bringing into our house foods that will make us sick (again, gluten and allergies)." I probably wouldn't say it in those words, but it seems unfair to me for them to be guests in your house, constantly reject your food, and not provide options they prefer, or even input. Maybe not if the kids were 4 or 6, but at 10, 16, and adult, they can very well provide food or suggustions if they don't like the type of food you make.

[avent]

I've had good luck with salads and the following:

Take chicken thighs and dip them in almond flour mixed with salt, pepper, and oregano (or use your own preferences). Lay skin-side down in a dish and bake, uncovered, for 30 minutes in a 350 degree oven. After 30 minutes flip them over and bake 30 minutes more.

This is always a big hit with visitors.

HTH.

[krankedyann]

Hugs, honey. The food portion of the program produces considerable angst in me when we have family visiting.

I also stick with basics. I make big pots of chili, BBQ pork in the crock-pot, roast with carrots and potatoes, maybe beans and rice or Jambalaya depending on the guests. Leftovers for lunch. OR, the big meal at lunch and leftovers for dinner. Grilled chicken under the broiler or on the stove-top grill. If it's warmer, send DH out to grill. Or send DH out to brave the grill if it's cold. "lol Scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast- I'll get their preferred brand of bacon IF it's GF. Potato pancakes for breakfast, with bacon on the side.

[nerdymom]

Originally Posted by stephienoodle

Ok, a bit of relief is that Brandon the superhero Maytag guy fixed my dishwasher.

Anyhow, I do have plain stuff planned, but I didn't want to copy meals since they were only going to be here a week. Today I did salmon for lunch (with carrot sticks, ranch dressing, and oranges), roast chicken breast and roast veggies (with tons of potatoes and carrots for those not used to it) are in the oven for dinner. I plan on doing a pot roast and mashed potatoes later in the week, too.

Part of the complication of this is that I don't want to give in food-wise. DN16 may be moving in with us long term. I don't want him to think that fast food, junk food, convenience food, etc. is an option in our home, because we're trying to deal with ADHD behaviors that really seem to have some food basis. His mom was telling me yesterday that he was SO MUCH calmer and nicer and cooperative after he came home from visiting us for 3 weeks last summer. He had no junk food while he was here and he was even able to be off of his meds for a while. DH also is newly GF and will not be able to be "good" if there is junk in the house. I can't deal with his gluten-induced moods with everything else happening!

The fajitas are a good idea. I didn't think about that - and I can get corn tortillas so DH is fine.

Oh, and I discovered that DN10 will eat the gluten free bread in the fridge, with mayo and cheese. He got hungry after eating *only* carrot sticks for lunch. He wouldn't even eat oranges. But now we have a meal alternative for when he doesn't like what I've fixed, LOL.

Cristeen, some oatmeal was saved and put away. The oatmeal that got tossed was what they had dished out and then didn't eat. They piled the sugar on and 2 of them are sick. I didn't want to save it and feed it to DH later, just to get him sick.

I'll report back later... high hopes for the roasted chicken and veggies for dinner.

It sounds like you've received some good advice and have a good plan. I second the eggs for breakfast too! If you don't want that much work in the AM, try an egg casserole that you can make the night before and reheat in the morning. With a side of fried potatoes, yum yum!

[stephienoodle]

Food mostly continues to flop. They threw out 3 mugs of homemade bean soup yesterday (they took it to go, they were late for snowtubing). Barely ate sloppy joe for dinner last night, and I cooked plain brown rice and broccoli to go with it. Two of them didn't even try the baked oatmeal for breakfast, and the other one ate exactly 3 oats. Not 3 bites, 3 rolled oats. Refused to try any more. SIL is letting the boys buy crap to eat while they're out, and another kicker is that DH took her to the ER on Tuesday and she was there all day getting diagnosed with a kidney stone and gallstones. Food-like-products will do that do ya.

Anyhow, plain roast beef, plain mashed potatoes (I think I'm still going to make them with tallow and stock instead of butter and milk though, because if I did I'd probably have to throw away the leftovers because I can't eat dairy and DH will only eat fresh mashed potatoes), and plain peas for dinner. Can't wait until the week is over.

[Bri'sgirl]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. They sound like picky eaters, to me. Even if you were making "normal" foods, they might not like what it is. Hang in there!

[elleystar]

Ugh, I'm so sorry! The thought of all that food getting thrown out goes against every fiber of my being...lol. There's also the side of me that thinks 'where are their manners?!?' just because I was raised to eat the food that was served me and to be appreciative of the host. (Obviously I was not expected to eat certain things, but what you're describing is completely foreign and flabbergasting to me! OMG the baked oatmeal!) And it's not like any of them are super young and still learning manners kwim? Siiigh

[nerdymom]

hang in there, it won't be much longer! And btw, I wish I was staying at your house!!

[sweetjasmine]

ugh, this just floors me! I may not prefer your food if I was a guest in your house but I would eat it without question and without complaint. Their attitudes strike me as completely rude. I also was raised to not question meals and my dad was a good example of eating everything my mother cooked, favorite or no. We were not allowed to complain about the food, we were raised to be grateful for it. Having said all that, my mother was a great cook but there were some dishes us kids would have preferred not to eat but did anyway and learned not to complain.

I can understand the kids complaining if they weren't raised to just eat and shut up ( ) because they obviously weren't taught how to be a good guest in someone else's home. I'm sorry, mama!

[blueridgewoman]

Heck, even my TWO YEAR OLD niece knows that if she's at my house and I feed her, she takes a few bites of everything and says no thank you if she doesn't like what I serve. Very often I can tell that it's not quite what she is used to (I fed her soaked oatmeal w/honey and raw milk yesterday and her mom feeds her flavored instant stuff) and she doesn't like it as much as what she normally eats, but she still eats it.

Honestly, I cannot even imagine, especially the ADULTS! Disgusting not to be thankful of food that someone else paid for and prepared for you (I won't go into the "there are starving people..."argument, though it is certainly ringing in my mind).

A and I would have scarfed everything that you made.

[luv-my-boys]

I dont cook TF for the most part but I do cook from scratch and we rarely eat out and are picky if we do. We dont do "fast food". My neice and nephew came this past summer and honestly in the beginning it was a bust in some respects. I dont think they knew what to make of our "chicken nuggets" organic chicken chunks rolled in grains and baked but after a few days I think they began to like it, well my neice did my nephew still craved mcdonalds:Puke

They are used to eating lots of fast food and processed foods that I think they didnt know what to make of real food. Ironically one of them suffers from horrible GI and migraines and we came to visit with literally a bag of medication which he normally uses daily. Guess what he didnt need a single pill while here...you'd think that would be a wake up call to his parents.

[lastrid]

That is beyond sad about all that medication. My father is the same way. He has horrible indigestion and GI symptoms and I've told him how much better I've felt (from similar symptoms) since we've gone mostly grain free, GF, and only raw dairy (after a two year break from all dairy). He just doesn't want to change the way he eats. He would totally eat everything you prepared though. He's not picky, he just wants what he wants.