Need help with my 14 mo old tot

[thefragile7393]

I hope this is the right area.
I work outside the home and while soon there will be a full-time parent at home, it isn't happening as of yet.

My daughter loves her sitter and I have no problems dropping her off. But when I get home and on my days off, she wants to be with me constantly. Nursing constantly. In my lap constantly, climbing over me constantly. If I try to distract her with toys or something and she isn't ready for that, she cries until someone, me usually, picks her up again.

I have hormonal problems (which in turn have triggered anxiety and depression from time to time) and on the 24th and 25th she just triggered me with her non-stop crying every time I tried to put her down. I am at my wits end....it's so hard because when I come home I want to decompress and try to relax and do some care for myself but my daughter immediately wants to nurse and then does not want to be put down or taken by anyone. If my husband takes her, she'll sit with him for a minute or two, then crawl right back to me. My son was not like this...but then everything, including my pregnancy with him, was different, different life situations then, etc.

Please, can anyone give me some help or advice? I had to go back to work 6 wks after her birth and I think that really affected me, since I had PPD and it was hard to bond with her.

[Xerxella]

Hugs..

It's hard. Try to settle in for as long a nursing session as you can. At least you get to put your feet up and close your eyes for 5 seconds. Then I'd settle in for an extended "wrestling" match. Seriously, it's reverse psychology. You think you're too tired (and you are) but you'll feel better flipping her on the couch, throwing her over your shoulder and turning her upside down for 30 minutes. You'll both be laughing and she'll feel really connected with you physically. Then you can usually settle in for some longer quiet, snuggle time (maybe even with dad....)

[pammysue]

Can you spend your down time in another room? I often lock myself in the den when I need my time. Or can Dad take her out, maybe for a walk?

[Kim919]

My dd was born 10/4/08 so our kids are exactly the same age, and I am a single mom so its just the two of us at home. I work full time, and she also does great with the sitter who she's been with sense 6 wks. I went back to work when she was two days old (the day your dd was born!) but I took her with me. I go to school part time (two nights a week) and she does great with my mom.

She is very very used to the schedule, and if she thinks that I am leaving during a non-scheduled time (saturday evening at grandma's instead of monday evening? big problem.) she gets very very upset. She also likes to be very close when we are at home.

I also fight depression, though I don't feel I ever had specific PPD, and I don't know that I have hormonal anxiety problems, but my situation right now is enough to cause the most mellow person in the world to be neurotic.

My advice to you #1 - if haven't already, find a good doctor & work on treatment for your depression. I fought for years, and I still hope that someday I can work my way off from it, but I am a higher functioning and happier person when medicated. It took me awhile to find the right medication, but it really makes a world of difference.

#2 - Just plan on getting nothing done for awhile. Just give up and indulge her. I was so stressed for awhile that I just gave up. Paper plates, messy house, carrying around a toddler in an infant wrap. I just snuggled her like she seemed to need all the time. It seems to have helped. I think it's helped both of us really. I would just sit there and hold her, sometimes it would take fifteen minutes sometimes two hours, but eventually a toy or something would catch her attention and she would climb off my lap. I would stand up, she would freak out, back on the lap. Seems like I have built up her confidence that I'm there when she needs me and I'm not leaving. She has become much more independant and is starting to play really good by herself for longer periods. (with me in eyesight) This may not be practical for your situation, but it seems to have lowerd both mine & dd's stress levels.

[prancie]

Try and use the nursing time to relax. Read a book or watch a movie or surf the internet. I lie down a lot to nurse my toddler, sometimes I fall asleep!

Also consider that she may be teething. That kind of clinginess always signals to me that a toddler is in some pain.

[thefragile7393]

Thank you so much for your help...everyone. Kim especially since your lo is about my daughter's age it's really helped me put stuff into perspective. I've been on my meds for a long long time...a decade, and I've always had ups and downs, and I truely feel it's not a med issue right now...I could tell earlier this year when it was and that I needed to go back to my old dose of medicine. I think a part of it is also working outside the home, odd nursing schedules, my cycle re-starting only in October. But I'm giong to definitely try deep breathing and working to relax.

And as it turns out she has cut another tooth, is snotty (as in congested). I'm going to try playing around with her too...the reverse psychology illustration makes sense to me. I do try to take a long bath with the door locked but I can hear everything in our thin-walled house...my son whining about something because it's the time of day where he's tired and hungry, little girl crawling around and looking for me and whimpering, my husband trying to start dinner and trying to hold her at the same time....I think I need to get a MP3 player or something and block that aspect out.