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Do kids "deserve" their own rooms? - Page 2

Poll Results: Do kids deserve their own rooms, no matter the cost?

  • 3% (9)
  • 78% (224)
  • 17% (51)
    It depends, or other, or whatever else doesn't fit "yes" or "no"
284 Total Votes  
post #21 of 90
I do think kids deserve their own space. I would have loathed having to share a room with a sibling.
post #22 of 90
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
I can see the logistical problems with their particular kids, since the two sets of full siblings are opposite sex, but the above statement is crazy. If it meant the difference between staying afloat and going into bankruptcy, obviously the only sane choice is to have the kids share rooms.
This. It would be much simpler if her dh had two boys and she had two girls or whatever. But, even with the logistical problems, risking bankruptcy for this is nuts. I'd have the kids share rooms, and do whatever I could to make sure that the "visiting" (don't like that term, but not sure what to call it) kids had some space of their own.

I will say that I shared a room with my sister and loved it. DD1 and ds2 share a room and they love it. (We'll ultimately put dd1 and dd2 together, which isn't ideal, imo - 6 year age gap - but it is what it is.) There's a family in our complex where an 17 year old, 15 year old and 5 year old boy share a room. They have three sisters - 14, 13 and 7 months. The two older girls share the other room, and the baby will move in there, as well. They have three bedrooms for a family of eight - obviously, the kids can't each have their own room.

I find the "deserve" terminology here really weird. I think the kids "deserve" to have a family that isn't bankrupt, personally.
post #23 of 90
Thread Starter 
The term "deserve" is my SIL's, which is why I put it in quotation marks. I don't get the use of that word either. I think it would be ideal for them to each have their own room, but that doesn't seem financially realistic to me, at all. I think the concept of "deserve" gets a lot of people into financial trouble.
post #24 of 90
Yeah - I got that it was your SIL's word. I think it's a weird way to think about it, and can lead to a lot of trouble.
post #25 of 90
Kids deserve parents who love and care for them to the best of their ability. Part of adequate care is having parents who can manage a household budget. If managing the household budget means living in a smaller, shared space, then that's the way it is.

It does not help one's children to go broke trying to keep up appearances.
post #26 of 90
Kids "deserve" a roof over their head, a warm place to sleep, a place where they are loved, food to eat, and clothing on their back.

Of course no kid "deserves" their own room! Would it be nice, sure! Will they be damaged because they are forced to share a room? Probably not. Will they be damaged because they end up homeless from buying a house they can't afford? Not a chance I would be willing to take.
post #27 of 90
My sister and I were 18 months apart and we shared a room over the years on occassion starting while very young. It was a horrid freaking disaster every time. In college I couldn't tolerate shared dorms either, which cost me more money in student loans for a single.

However, I think alot of that is because of parenting issues (my mom was a single working mom with two jobs and many bad behaviours of ours were just too difficult for her to deal with when she only saw us for a couple hours a night after daycare). My eldest boys are 4 and 5 and use bunk beds. They have totally different interests and sleeping habits (dinosaurs vs. trucks, and must-have-nightlight vs. ANY light is too much) but they get along so well that I'm not sure HOW we'd give them each their own room. When they argue they go play in different rooms and that seems to be enough alone time for them.

It may change as they get older, but I would hesitate to assume kids "need" their own room just because I feel like I did. Being able to handle sharing a room is a skill that would have helped alot when I was older. As long as the kids have some space of their own, and are allowed to go off alone in the house if they don't feel like interacting with their sibs I think sharing a room can end up as a positive in the long run. Especially if it means the difference between your family drowning in debt or not.
post #28 of 90
Um, so the rooms shared would only be a weekend every other week, otherwise the kids have their own rooms, essentially? So I'd be risking bankruptcy for two rooms to sit unused primarily?

DO SIL's kids go away to their dad every other weekend?

I don't think the age difference is too great for the two boys and two girls.

I think it benefits kids to learn to share a room, and the whole notion that each kid deserves a room is pretty off-putting. I remember in college how they had a whole session on room sharing that for parents and students and wondered how 18 year olds would really be so selfish about sharing!
post #29 of 90
I don't think that children deserve their own rooms anymore than I think that your SIL deserves to shove her debt load off onto the rest of us by purposely going bankrupt.

I shared rooms my whole entire growing up without issue. Wanting and needing are two different things, and the word deserve is just so loaded.

I'd put this in the "it would be nice" category, but not necessary.
post #30 of 90
I would say it depends upon the family's financial situation, and the children's wishes on the matter. That being said, I don't think it hurts kids one bit to share a room with a sibling for awhile if the need should arise.
post #31 of 90
What kids deserve is a stable, loving family where their parents are emotionally available to them, and able to spend the time with them to help them develop to their fullest potential. If a family is in a highly uncertain financial position, that's a heck of a lot more damaging to the stability of a family than the conflicts naturally arising out of siblings or even step-siblings sharing a room would be. And if parents or step-parents are working long hours to sustain a lifestyle than includes a house that is beyond their means, spending too little time with their kids, and coming home stressed and strained, that's way more damaging than living in closer quarters (with its inevitable conflicts) would be.

I think kids having their own rooms is a nice frill, if you can afford it, especially as kids grow older, or if there are sticky issues like half-sibs or step-sibs, but I'd hardly call it a necessity.

I have several extended family members with this belief, who are all working too-long hours at stressful jobs, bringing home a ton of tension and anxiety about their work and about financial issues, and spending far too little time with their kids, because they imagine their kids "must" have all sorts of things, like their own rooms, their own bathrooms, a big yard, a pool membership, etc. I can't see that their kids are happier than mine are, who all three sleep in the same large room.
post #32 of 90
To the OP.

Hmm... I think it can be nice to have your own room, but not needed.

Kids deserve their own personal space. That can be a room, or a tree house, or a part of a shared room, etc.

Not everyone wants their own room. Some siblings like sharing a room. It seems counter productive if you give each their own room if two of them want to share a room.
post #33 of 90
Kids "deserve" a stable family life that doesn't involve losing a home through foreclosure or bankruptcy.

Four nights a month sharing a room with a step-sibling with a 4 or 6 year difference... not a big deal! Wouldn't it be weirder to have two bedrooms empty for 24-27 days out of the month?
post #34 of 90
Once I became a teenager, I hated sharing a room.
post #35 of 90
Absolutely not, we live in a small apartment with two bedrooms as many other families here do, the kids have one room and we have the other - well invaribly the kids end up with us but in general they share the room, we can't afford it and will only get another apartment with maybe 3 rooms when we can afford it, I'm not going to put my kids or ourselves into danger by wanting too much too soon, that's irresponsible, in my childhood we lost our house due to silly expectations like that, we were much happier with a smaller house - (I shared a room with my sister up until we left home), than in a huge home that my mother couldn't keep up with cleaning and my father couldn't pay for - just not worth it IMO.
post #36 of 90
Not a choice I would make, but also not something I would get too worked up about if a friend or family member did this.
post #37 of 90
I have shared a room with both my sisters at different times. I will say that the bigger the age gap, the harder it was for me, but the kids will not be in those rooms all the time. I would definitely go with separate beds, and make sure each kid has personal space.

How to divide has a lot to do with how old the kids are. I know the girls are 4 yrs apart and the boys are 6 yrs apart, but how old are each of them?
There is a big difference between boys that are 16 and 10 and girls that are 15 and 11, and boys that are 10 and 4, and girls that are 7 and 3.

If they are older, I would sit down and explain the situation to them and ask them each to come up with a possible solution. Then you can all get together and talk about it.

I would also commit to trying it out in the current house before a big move. My neighbor's DSD has a room at her house that she only uses twice a month and 2 weeks during the summer, but she freaked out when it was used as a guest room in her absence. When I was little, we got kicked out of our rooms on to pallets on the living room floor if a grown up relative needed our bed.
post #38 of 90
Wow. I HAVE a house with 5 bedrooms, and no one has their own room except the baby! Three boys share a room, ages 7, 4, and 3, and two girls share a room, 9 and 10. The baby is in the nursery. I share a room with my husband, and the other room is an office.
post #39 of 90
The clincher on my no vote, was the "no matter the cost" phrase. I think they do need a space to call their own, but it can be a special desk, chair, part of a room or closet even. They can still share a room and have their own space.
post #40 of 90
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
Once I became a teenager, I hated sharing a room.
Yeah. But I hated a lot of things as a teenager that weren't bad for me, and that in many cases may actually have been GOOD for me. We can't always make our kids happy.
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