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Do kids "deserve" their own rooms? - Page 3

Poll Results: Do kids deserve their own rooms, no matter the cost?

 
  • 3% (9)
    Yes
  • 78% (224)
    No
  • 17% (51)
    It depends, or other, or whatever else doesn't fit "yes" or "no"
284 Total Votes  
post #41 of 90
So she buys a 5 bed house so they can have their own rooms. What happens when they go bankrupt and lose the house? How many rental apartments are in the same school district that are 5 bedroom and will rent to a recent bankrupt?

Can she not finish the basement to put a couple of rooms down there?
post #42 of 90
I voted no. Sure it's nice, but not a necessity at all.
post #43 of 90
I would think each having a boy and a girl would make it simple. Get bunk beds for each room. Boys share a room, girls share a room. They'd only even be "shared" 4 days a month.

Having one's own room, and having one's own space are two different things. I absolutely think that kids need their own space in either parent's home when it's feasible.

I would never throw down the kind of funds that the OP's SIL is planning to for 2 extra bedrooms for 4 days a month, especially with all the debt they already have. I just think the same money would be better spent on areas that are more likely to benefit the children on a wider scope-extra curriculars, college savings accounts, family vacations that include all 6 family members.

I think her heart is definitely in the right place, but her head and finances, probably not.

ETA: Even when we only had 2 girls and 3 bedrooms, the girls shared a room-and a bed, actually (they both slept better with someone else in the bed). We used the 3rd bedroom for a play/school room.
post #44 of 90
Basically she's talking about going an additional 500K min. into debt (which is already substantial to have two additional rooms for kids to not share a room every other weekend and two weeks in the summer? I would think a better investment would be dressing screens for privacy and/or neat frurniture that could define space for each child in a shared space. A child "deserves" to feel loved and welcomed in the home and family. That love is not determined by square footage. We lived in a three bedroom house, I had two sisters. There were almost always extra kids living with us. Foster children, family members fallen on hard times, you name it. We were constantly rearaging sleeping arrangments and bedrooms. We always found a way to make everyone feel as though there was some space that was there own.
post #45 of 90
In the case of a blended family such as your SIL's is going to be, I'd say that for the sake of the family as a whole, your SIL and her fiance are wise to want each child to have a room of their own. In general, though, I lean more to room sharing depending on the finances of the family and the personalities, ages, and gender of the children.
post #46 of 90
I don't think it matters for younger children but as kids get older (teens) I think they should have their own personal space - I know for some families it's not always possible for each child to have their own rooms with limited space.
post #47 of 90
If they can't afford the house, will they realistically be able to even qualify for the loan? It may be a non-issue.

I don't think that room sharing comes down to "deserving" or not. Though I can't think of the right word I would use.

I can see your SIL's point, I think it's very compassionate and sweet that they're not trying the *squish* Oh Look Now We're A Happy Family, Smile Honey! routine. Whether or not that's realistic, I dunno.

I can understand the thinking that you want to take the easiest/less traumatic route of not forcing everyone into a shared space AND buying a totally new house, so there's not the territory thing. But again, you have to be realistic. Beggaring yourself so that you are in constant danger of losing it all sounds like a recipe for divorce and unhappy kiddos to me--I wouldn't put that kind of financial instability "because of the kids" on a new marriage.
post #48 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
If they can't afford the house, will they realistically be able to even qualify for the loan? It may be a non-issue.
It seems unlikely, in this economic climate, that they'll even qualify for the loan if they really can't afford it.

I participated in the poll thinking someone was asking the question based on making decisions about their own family -- only to find that it's a question about what some other couple should do.

It's certainly not what I would do -- but I'm not the one in the situation.

I voted for the third option. We are in a position where each of our girls can have her own room at whatever point they both want this. We currently use one of our three bedrooms as an office, since neither girl is interested in sleeping alone at this time.

I think it's a family-to-family decision. It seems really nice that your SIL and her fiance are being so mindful of their children's transition.
post #49 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I think it's a family-to-family decision. It seems really nice that your SIL and her fiance are being so mindful of their children's transition.
I didn't see where the OP's SIL and her fiance were being mindful of the children's transition, myself. I'll admit they might be, but the OP never said that. She said that her SIL and her fiance feel that the children each deserve a room of their own. She didn't say they wanted one. She didn't say that her SIL's children are okay with selling their existing home. How mindful anyone is being is anyone's guess.

It's obviously her SIL's decision, not ours. I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that anyone would actually knowingly risk bankruptcy to ensure that each child had their own room.
post #50 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
I just can't wrap my mind around the idea that anyone would actually knowingly risk bankruptcy to ensure that each child had their own room.
I couldn't wrap my mind around doing that, either. At the same time, it seems like our current economic system is based on people thinking they need to "up-grade," whether it's an absolute necessity or not.

I understand that it's this kind of risk-taking that drove us into this financial crisis in the first place -- but, paradoxically, our consumer-economy really does depend on a significant number of people being, well, consumers.

If everyone started being super-sensible, and recycling and reusing everything they possibly could, and improved their old homes with their own labor at minimal cost rather than "upgrading" to a new house to accommodate growing families --

This would probably actually destroy more jobs than what have been destroyed through this current crisis. Which would probably be a good thing overall, if it helped us move into a more sustainable way of life.

So maybe people like this SIL are helping fuel the consumer economy ... or maybe they're helping destroy it by taking out a loan that they're likely to default on ... it's hard to say if they're helping or hurting our economy in the long run ...

And it's hard to say if losing everything would add more stress, or ultimately relieve them of their stress and help them move to a simpler way of life. Sometimes what seems like a poor choice ends up being instrumental in helping us make needed changes.
post #51 of 90
Our older two girls shared a room for as long as was comfortable for them, which was until about a year ago. At their biomom's house, they still share a room. 9 times out of 10, one of them climbs in to bed with the other, waking both of them up, and they're total pills the next day from lack of sleep. They also have no privacy, no separate space (shared closet, dresser, bookcase, desk, etc) and are miserable.

We were in a position to be able to find a house with 5 bedrooms. When we moved in, DD1 and DD2 still wanted to share a room. Within a few months of moving, they decided they (and we, because of the whole "waking each other up" thing) were done sharing a room so they've had their own rooms ever since.

DD3 wakes up at 6am, without fail, and DS sleeps until 8 or 9 if undisturbed. They too have separate rooms.

We're looking at a 6 BR house now, but the largest bedroom will become a big playroom.

Do kids deserve their own room? No. Can it make life abundantly easier? Abso-frickin-lutely. We've followed our kids' lead on this, so when they're ready to be split up (or share) we try and accommodate that.

I wouldn't ever consider separate sleeping quarters (because that's all bedrooms are in our house) to be important enough for us to go in to bankruptcy. We're lucky enough to live in an area in which we can get enough BRs for everyone to have their own (even when baby arrives) and be moving in to a better school district, for $67K LESS than the house we're in now.
post #52 of 90
Normally I would say no, kids don't need their own rooms. However, the blended family situation changes things completely. If I were your SIL, I would do everything in my power--short of bankruptcy--to give the non-custodial kids their own rooms.

I don't think your SIL will qualify for a loan if the bank doesn't think they can afford it. So, I would just stay out of it and let the chips fall where they may. It's definitely not your place to say anything.
post #53 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post
I participated in the poll thinking someone was asking the question based on making decisions about their own family -- only to find that it's a question about what some other couple should do.
[campaign to make people read the OP before voting]

That oughta teach you!!

[/campaign to make people read the OP before voting]

post #54 of 90
my sister and I shared a room until we moved out...

I think having your own room is a very Western idea and that sharing a room teaches compromise and respect...

having SOME personal space is important I think but I think that can be a dresser where one drawer is personal things instead of clothing...
post #55 of 90
I grew up in a family with 3 kids and five bedrooms. My brothers shared a room and I had a room to myself, since I was the only girl, one of the rooms was used as a study and another was used as a guest room. Maybe I am the weirdo, but I was soooo upset I did not have a sister to share a room with. My brothers shared a room and yeah there might have been a few times when they would have preferred a room of their own, but in general they had a great time sharing a room together. I was always so envious.

Currently we have a 4 bdrm home and 3 kids. The baby is only 5 mo old. I am reluctant to lose my guest room. So for now his crib is in there (didn't change any decor or move any furniture, it's just his crib and all of his stuff is in the closet). In a couple of yrs when he is old enough to move to a bed, I am moving him to DS2's room. I plan to get bunk beds for DS1 and DS2 (in DS1's room), and they can share a bedroom. I think they will like it. They are only 18 mo apart and very close. I do not really believe that each child is entitled to their own room. In fact, I think it's downright lonely from my exp to not have a roomie to share with.
post #56 of 90
Deserve? No.

I mean, I get where your SIL is coming from - right up to the point where she'd rather risk bankruptcy than have the kids share. I think the kids might prefer a stable roof over their heads to rooms of their own...

At the moment, our three oldest girls are sharing a room (and beds, half the time). I think DD1, who is 7, will want/need her own room within the next year or two - she's a lot like me and I always struggled to share a room with my sister, I really did need that absolutely alone time. I voted "depends" for that reason, although I don't think 'deserve' is the right word.

If it was bankruptcy or her own room, though, we'd help her deal. A dividing screen. Curtains round her bed. The walk-in closet off our room (not as a bedroom of course - just as a hiding hole). Whatever it took, short of losing the house.
post #57 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontstreetmama View Post
I think having your own room is a very Western idea and that sharing a room teaches compromise and respect...
This is what I was thinking reading this thread - my in-laws (Indian) thought it was very strange and almost cruel when DS1 moved out of our room into his own at 18months. When I was in India recently my 13yr old niece was quizzing me about our lifestyle here and was horrified to find DS1(now 3 1/2yrs) was sleeping alone, said she would not be able to sleep without her mum and brother in the room too.

DS2 had started to sleep through so has just moved in to share with DS1 (ds2 is almost 2 yrs now). They love being together. My mum always makes comments about how small our house is and that it's unfortunate they have to share but I told her that even if I had more rooms I would have them share as I think it's great for their relationship. I love hearing when they wake up in the morning and have these little conversations, unaware I'm listening over the monitor.
post #58 of 90
I voted no, but I can see the appeal in this particular situation.
post #59 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamazee View Post
Ok well more details. She has a boy and a girl, and he has a boy and a girl. There is a 4-year dfference between teh boys and a 6-year difference between teh girls. It seems to me like the boys could share a room and the girls could share a room, but my SIL thinks the ages aren't good for that.
FWIW, I think she's right, and it's probably the best solution in the long run. Kids don't deserve their own rooms, but sometimes finding ways to provide them is right. (We have five kids, three bedrooms for them, and my big two would love a bedroom each.)
post #60 of 90
Ideally I think children should have their own rooms. But life isn't always ideal. If I were to have a second child, K would have to share his room the way our house is now (two bedrooms). But we've talked about adding on, so it wouldn't be a long term thing, if at all.

I don't think that you should upgrade if it is not a good financial decision for your family. In your SIL's situation, I can kind of understand why they are doing what they are doing. Throwing two other kids into a room that is already established will be hard. I think you said they are teenagers, that will be even harder. New marriage, now you have to share a room with someone you may or may not know so well. Very stressful for everyone involved. Different personalities, etc. If everyone gets along, I would leave things as they are for now, and everyone has to share a room. But if it would be war-then I would probably try to figure something out. New marriage, plus teenagers is hard enough without adding a feud.
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