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Do kids "deserve" their own rooms? - Page 4

Poll Results: Do kids deserve their own rooms, no matter the cost?

 
  • 3% (9)
    Yes
  • 78% (224)
    No
  • 17% (51)
    It depends, or other, or whatever else doesn't fit "yes" or "no"
284 Total Votes  
post #61 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaJenese View Post
I would think a better investment would be dressing screens for privacy and/or neat frurniture that could define space for each child in a shared space.
Yes! I just recently saw this, which was a very cool space, with a desk that can be retracted into the bed when not in use. The bed is on the small side, though there are other types of dense storage/bed units with larger beds to fit lots of kid stuff in a small space.

Or upgrade to a space with 3 BRs, but with larger BRs, so that each kid room can be divided with a screen and still have space to move for the few days a month it is needed.
post #62 of 90
I haven't read any other replies yet...

I think kids having or not having their own room is entirely up to that specific situation.

Or kids beg to share a room. Ever since DS2 was 8 months old they've been bunking up. We've always had enough bedrooms for them to have their own but we were constantly pulling DS1's mattress into DS2's room

Personally I wouldn't bunk up a 6 year old girl with a 12 year old boy. Or something like that.
post #63 of 90
I didn't read through everything yet, so forgive me if I'm repeating.

I think that if at all possible, kids should have the option of having their own rooms. I don't think anyone, kids included, should be forced to share their personal space with someone if they don't want to. We all have to do that plenty out in the world, and we shouldn't have to do it at home too. It doesn't have to be fancy, a sectioned off area of the basement (I had a lot of friends with older brothers that liked this option). Some degree of noise seperation, and a way to close off the area for privacy is all they really need. I think anything less is just a bad idea. I consider personal space to be just as important as food and clothing.

I think of those Bates kids (is that the name? the people who are friends of the Duggers?) and how they were all crammed like 8 to a room in that little house and just feel incredibly sad for them. No privacy, personal space, or quiet. I really don't think it's any way to live.

Should the family put themselves in serious financial trouble to make sure each kid has a room? No, of course not. I think they should do their best to make something work though, maybe building some rooms in the basement or something.
post #64 of 90
I shared a room with my brother who was six years younger than me most of my life with no issues. Obviously I think wanting/needing privacy comes more when kids are older. We have five bedrooms and the two oldest each have their own while the three youngest share. At six, four and two they don't want to be alone, heck they all still sleep in our bed anyway.

I understand that she would want them to have their own space, but could they not maybe convert a garage or attic or basement or something?

I agree with everyone who said it's not worth going bankrupt over, especially if the home she currently owns is paid for. Surely they can devise something.
post #65 of 90
To say "all kids deserve their own rooms" is a very classist statement. Not everybody can afford a large enough home to make that happen!

But in the OP's SIL's situation, I can understand her desire to give each child his or her own room. It's awkward to share with your much younger step-sib when you're there EOW- even if you have your own bed and a piece of furniture with lockable drawers, it's hard not to feel like a visitor coming into "the other sibling's" bedroom. And it's hard to feel "at home" when you feel like a visitor.

I would, however, encourage your SIL to get creative with the space she already has, in the 3 bedroom home she can easily afford. Is there space in the house that can be converted to extra bedroom space, such as an attic, basement, garage, or formal dining room?
post #66 of 90
I agree with the others who don't think "deserve" is such a great word to use.

But I do think children "deserve" to be the ones who have to make the LEAST adjustments in a divorce/remarriage situation.

I don't generally agree with Dr. Laura -- but I thought she was right-on one time when she suggested that children should get to stay in their own homes for visitation, rather than being the ones to go back and forth. On the non-custodial parent's weekend, the custodial parent should find someplace else to stay and the custodial parent should just spend the weekend with the child in his own home.

Of course, I understand that this isn't always do-able. I.e., what if the custodial parent has remaried and had 4 additional children, how do-able is it for them all to stay in a motel for every other weekend?

So, sadly, even though the children don't usually have a say as to whether parents divorce and remarry, they still usually end up being the ones who have to go back and forth every other weekend or so. And maybe some enjoy it -- but they probably don't have a choice anyway.

So, I think if it's possible, it IS really nice for parents to be willing to do whatever they reasonably can to make transitions easier for their children who are having to go back and forth, and adjust to new stepparents and new stepsiblings, and so on and so forth.
post #67 of 90
Children deserve a fair portion of the families resources.


If a family can reasonably afford a huge house, then that may happen to be a room for each kid. However, if the family doesn't have much in the way of resources, that may simply be half of a shared bed (DH's family was very poor growing up in the Bronx in a one bedroom apt, he shared a bed with his little brother.)

I suspect the bank won't give your SIL a mortgage she can't afford though. Banks have become much much more cautious recently. Ikea has all kinds of great solutions for giving kids privacy in a shared room.
post #68 of 90
It's a very American idea. My Dh is from Ireland and he was the only kid he knew with his own room (he's the only boy in his family, his 6 sisters shared two bedrooms). It is more common there now because more people are limiting their family sizes.

He loves that our two kids get their own rooms *most* of the time. We move a lot for his job and it's normal for us to live temporarily for months at a time in a 2 bedroom apartment so our DDs bunk up together. They whine a little, but we figure it's character building.
post #69 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
But in the OP's SIL's situation, I can understand her desire to give each child his or her own room. It's awkward to share with your much younger step-sib when you're there EOW- even if you have your own bed and a piece of furniture with lockable drawers, it's hard not to feel like a visitor coming into "the other sibling's" bedroom. And it's hard to feel "at home" when you feel like a visitor.
This is true. I think, depending on the size of the rooms in a smaller house, I'd partition off the rooms, and keep one part of each room for the child who is there full-time and part of it for the child who is there EOW. The child who lives there full-time would be expected to stay out of his/her step-sibling's area - completely. The step-sibling could decorate, etc. to suit themselves.
post #70 of 90
I think at a certain age, if at all possible, a girl and boy shouldn't have to share a room. I also think that once a kid id high school aged, it is nice for privacy's sake to let them have their own room.

I in no way see it as a necessity though.
post #71 of 90
i have not read all the replies.

i think for the sake of family peace your SIL is right. esp. if the kids are in their teens or close to their teens or even tweens. i know my dd would love to share a room with a step sister. however i also know my friends 7 year old. he would have a hard time.

so when bringing up a family from birth of course it is not necessary.

but in a blended family with all the dynamics - yes debt is better than not having private space.
post #72 of 90
I have not read all the replies. I have 2 siblings, my brother and sister, and 6 step siblings, 2 boys, 1 girl and 2 girls, 1 boy on each side of the family. I feel that the issue is NOT having their own room, but respecting that each child deserves space of their own, but MOST IMPORTANTLY deserves to be respected and treated as a part of the family. Although my "steps" came later in my life, I know that for my step-siblings they all had issues of not being treated as part of the family. For instance- once had to sleep in the closet when he came over, their way of making sure he "had is own space". A room is totally secondary to feeling like you belong, that you are part of both families, and are respected as such.
post #73 of 90
Is she thinking her husband can get reduced child support by having a larger housing payment?

Kds deserve shelter. This doesn't mean their very own bedrooms, especially if it may bankrupt the family. They're going to set the kids up to feel entitled to everthing they want by doing this.
post #74 of 90
I voted "other."

In general, I don't think kids "deserve" their own rooms or need to have their own rooms. In your SIL's situation, though, I can see that it's sort of tricky. Having the kids share rooms by sex (girls in one, boys in the other) doesn't seem like a great solution to me, unless these kids have a *particularly* close relationship already established (and, with their age differences, I imagine they don't). It would totally feel like the non-custodial kids were "guests" in your SIL's kids' rooms, in my opinion. Would they feel comfortable leaving anything there for the two weeks they were away between visits--knowing that it was in someone else's room? I wouldn't. The full-time resident of the room might resent having someone stay in there every couple of weeks, and the visiting child would likely pick up on this and feel uncomfortable. Not a good solution, in my opinion.

On the other hand, depending on their ages, I can see that it might not work well to have opposite-sex siblings sharing rooms, either.

I, personally, would feel like the non-custodial kids should have a space of their own (if we were able to provide it), but that it would be okay for that space to be shared--so maybe one bedroom for the two of them to share at our house. Then I would make the decision about your SIL's kids based on their ages, personalities, what they've grown accustomed to, et cetera.

Bottom line, I wouldn't risk bankruptcy to provide kids with their own rooms, but I would do everything in my creative power to help provide a little personal space for everyone and to avoid making my step-kids feel as though they were any less a part of our family because of their non-residential status.

Depending on their ages, I would also involve the kids in this decision--ask them what was really important to them, explain what our limitations were and let them help come up with solutions. Perhaps they would suggest, for example, the girls sharing one room and the boys sharing the other--in which case I think it would be an entirely different issue and might work out just fine.
post #75 of 90
I see where SIL is coming from, but it's not reasonable. Not knowing the ages of the kids (didn't read all of the posts), I would suggest they sit down with her kids and figure out a way to make his kids feel welcome when they're there. Could the boys "share" a room--like with one of those bunkbeds with the futon on the bottom so that it can be a couch when there's only one there, and a separate area be set up for the oldest girl? Or maybe murphy beds in a den are a possibility? Could a den/office be converted to an extra part-time bedroom?

It's a toughie but I would not further compromise the family's resources for the sake of sleeping arrangements. Think of the fun things they could do together with the money they'll save by sharing!
post #76 of 90
I think each child deserves their own bed, and their own space, but not their own room.
post #77 of 90
What I don't see is how it's any of your business. It's disappointing at this late date to still see this kind of thread on MDC - picking apart the choices of a third party who isn't here to defend themselves. With a poll, no less!

Like everyone, I have my own ideas about what I would or wouldn't do in that situation, but you know, it's just not relevant because I wasn't put on this earth to participate in a vote about strangers' personal choices. If you are not close enough to her to take the subject up with her directly, I don't see what you're going to accomplish by going behind her back, online, with judgment, other than to get yourself worked up about something you have no control over and will probably only lead to bad blood between you and her if you give into the temptation to get involved. If she ASKS you, you can give your opinion, respectfully. You can never know exactly what is going on in another person's situation unless they let you all the way in which she obviously has not. Did it even occur to you that her apparently cavalier attitude WRT bankruptcy may have just been her way of blowing off your nosiness? Why should she let you in on the details of her and her fiance's finances, be they good or bad? If you are really concerned about those kids, work on your relationship with them and let your SIL manage her own concerns as the responsible adult in HER family. It will be unfortunate if she really does end up bankrupt - although I don't think you have any REAL reason to believe it's particularly likely - but you have to let people make their own mistakes. I guarantee it will be worse for the kids if she feels they can't come around your place without getting the third degree about financial responsibility or anything else. It's just not the role of an adult's siblings or siblings-in-law to second-guess personal financial decisions. I could go on all night but I'll stop now. Sheesh.
post #78 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel View Post
What I don't see is how it's any of your business. It's disappointing at this late date to still see this kind of thread on MDC - picking apart the choices of a third party who isn't here to defend themselves. With a poll, no less!
The OP was asking for other people's viewpoints to check her own views against.

Quote:
Like everyone, I have my own ideas about what I would or wouldn't do in that situation, but you know, it's just not relevant because I wasn't put on this earth to participate in a vote about strangers' personal choices. If you are not close enough to her to take the subject up with her directly, I don't see what you're going to accomplish by going behind her back, online, with judgment, other than to get yourself worked up about something you have no control over and will probably only lead to bad blood between you and her if you give into the temptation to get involved. If she ASKS you, you can give your opinion, respectfully. You can never know exactly what is going on in another person's situation unless they let you all the way in which she obviously has not. Did it even occur to you that her apparently cavalier attitude WRT bankruptcy may have just been her way of blowing off your nosiness? Why should she let you in on the details of her and her fiance's finances, be they good or bad? If you are really concerned about those kids, work on your relationship with them and let your SIL manage her own concerns as the responsible adult in HER family. It will be unfortunate if she really does end up bankrupt - although I don't think you have any REAL reason to believe it's particularly likely - but you have to let people make their own mistakes. I guarantee it will be worse for the kids if she feels they can't come around your place without getting the third degree about financial responsibility or anything else. It's just not the role of an adult's siblings or siblings-in-law to second-guess personal financial decisions. I could go on all night but I'll stop now. Sheesh.
I'm wondering where you got the idea that the OP was going to third-degree the kids, or confront her SIL about any of this? She never suggested anything of that ilk, whatsoever.
post #79 of 90
Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Bride View Post
The OP was asking for other people's viewpoints to check her own views against.
You mean, to see if the majoriy of people think she's right and her SIL is wrong?

This is a perfectly human tendency, I do it myself sometimes -- but I also agree with GalateaDunkel because, at least when *I* am doing it, if I'm honest with myself my only real motive is to get confirmation that I am right and the other person is wrong, regarding decisions they are making about their own life.

Which is most certainly none of my business. Unless they are asking my opinion.
post #80 of 90
Fair enough - but when I do that, I'm also trying to understand the thinking behind the viewpoint I don't agree with. I got the feeling that was part of where the OP was coming from. In any case, I don't get any feeling whatsoever that the OP is planning to use our posts as ammo against her SIL, or harangue her niece and nephew.
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