WWYD in a situation where a two year old dumps things everywhere and refuses to pick anything up? - Page 2

[phathui5]

At two years old, I'm willing to clean it up myself and not struggle with getting them to do it when they're serious about not helping. (Or I bribe my big kids to do it)

[RiverSky]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

Thanks for the response. The problem is that I feel that we already only have very limited things out in his "dumping" reach and yet he still does it. So the only thing out last night was his potato head stuff on the low shelf and the pencil box was out in another room that he brought in and dumped.

I guess where I'm stumped is how to teach him to pick up his stuff without it being a battle? Like literally if he had one toy out in a room he would knock it over and then NOT pick it up.

Gently, I say, "So what?" It sounds like fun for a 2 year old to experiment with such things and it'll take you oh, say, 2 or 3 minutes to clean both messes up, so does it really matter? Your 2 year old will learn how to clean when he's older. For now, keep a minimum of dumpable things in reach and enjoy your sweet baby the way he is. My routine at this age was to tidy the toys during morning nap (took 5-10 minutes), tidy the toys during afternoon nap (took 5-10 minutes) then while Daddy read bedtime stories, I spent maybe half an hour completely perfectly the living room and my 2 year old's bedroom, and voila, so easy!

[hollytheteacher]

Originally Posted by RiverSky

Gently, I say, "So what?" It sounds like fun for a 2 year old to experiment with such things and it'll take you oh, say, 2 or 3 minutes to clean both messes up, so does it really matter? Your 2 year old will learn how to clean when he's older. For now, keep a minimum of dumpable things in reach and enjoy your sweet baby the way he is. My routine at this age was to tidy the toys during morning nap (took 5-10 minutes), tidy the toys during afternoon nap (took 5-10 minutes) then while Daddy read bedtime stories, I spent maybe half an hour completely perfectly the living room and my 2 year old's bedroom, and voila, so easy!

But that's the thing...it does'nt take two or three minutes to clean up...I literally CAN NOT keep up. I spend alllllllll day cleaning and by the end of the day it is still a disaster.

I also don't really agree with everyone saying that 2 is young and he'll learn when he's older. At school he cleans up several times a day...sometimes needs help/reminders but he is VERY capable. Also all the other two year olds clean up as well. (again sometimes need help, reminders, one - on -one, etc.) So i really don't want to sit back and say "oh well he's young." I want to teach him that when we dump things we must clean them up before we move onto other things. KWIM??? So i am looking for suggestions...not defeat! lol

[Polliwog]

Home and school are so different. So much so, that it can be maddening. I'm a teacher too (also Reggio-inspired) and my kids both clean up so well at school. The group "flow" at school makes so much of a difference.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by Polliwog

Home and school are so different.

:

All the other two year olds clean up as well- at school. I'm willing to bet that most of them are not as cooperative when it comes to cleaning up at home.

I know how maddening it can be to try to keep up with toddler created chaos, but honestly the best way to handle it at that age is to control the environment, not the child. You can keep struggling to get him to clean up after himself, or you can limit his ability to make messes in the first place. In the second scenario everyone is (usually) happy and there are far fewer power struggles.

I would honestly rather limit my kids to a handful of toys than spend my time fighting with them about clean up, because at that point the toys are no longer sources of fun and joy.

[One_Girl]

Have you tried just cleaning up at the end of the day or before you leave the house? You and your child may feel better about clean ups if it isn't a tedious chore that has to be done every time it looks like you might have a child living in your home and this may lead to him being more helpful.

It could also be that you are in a power struggle right now. Many kids don't actually like to be manhandled until they do something and they resist more. If you back off for a while and try again in only a positive way you may find that your child is a very helpful child. Have you tried posting in the toddler section? You might get responses for gently helping your child clean up with you from people who's children are still that age. A lot of things like having a toddler clean up seem really small and easy to let go when you have an older child.

[Deir]

Originally Posted by hollytheteacher

But that's the thing...it does'nt take two or three minutes to clean up...I literally CAN NOT keep up. I spend alllllllll day cleaning and by the end of the day it is still a disaster.

I also don't really agree with everyone saying that 2 is young and he'll learn when he's older. At school he cleans up several times a day...sometimes needs help/reminders but he is VERY capable. Also all the other two year olds clean up as well. (again sometimes need help, reminders, one - on -one, etc.) So i really don't want to sit back and say "oh well he's young." I want to teach him that when we dump things we must clean them up before we move onto other things. KWIM??? So i am looking for suggestions...not defeat! lol

I haven't read everything so sorry if I am repeating but I'd say- GET RID OF ALL THOSE TOYS!! My friend's house has been a disaster since I met her 6 yrs ago when our kids were 1!!! The reason is because she has too darn many toys. I'd pare waaaay back and then see if it is easier to encourage cleaning up. We have very little to dump and therefore it takes a maximum of 10 minutes (on a really bad day) to clean up. Having fewer things pays off in so many ways. trust me they don't get bored.

[AntoninBeGonin]

I know this is a long thread so an opinion similar to this has probably already been posted. I don't know for sure because I seldom read long threads . At really young ages, like two or three, I don't focus on getting my child to clean. I ask that they help me, but I don't push the issue. In our family the situation would have gone like this:

2 and 1/2 year old dumps out legos
Mom "It's time to clean our messes. I need you to pick up your legos, please."
Kid stands and stares.
Mom, picks up a lego, drops it in the bucket, then picks up a second lego, hands it to the kid and holds out the bucket. Kid drops the lego in the bucket.
Mom "Thanks for helping! Now let's get the rest of them."
Kid runs off.
Mom shrugs, cleans the rest of the legos, and runs to get the kid so she can blow raspberries on their tummy.

I do think that learning responsibility is important, but I am very aware of the fact that two, three, even four year olds are still just very little kids. That's why I'm more comfortable with just doing one gentle reminder, night after night. Soon enough, at least in my experience, the idea that picking up your own messes starts to sink in. My way of parenting, really, is sort of the equivalent to someone who is standing off to the side and only offering very quiet direction when it is clearly needed, as opposed to someone being front and center and actually managing the situation from start to finish. I'm not saying that managing is wrong or that my method is any better, it's just how I deal with all situations.

[lotusdebi]

When I get home, the first thing I do is take off my shoes. I have to wear shoes when I'm out of the house. I've had to wear shoes at nearly every job I've ever had. I have to wear shoes all over the place - and I put up with it because I have to, because that's the expectation. I can even have fun while wearing my shoes. But, when I get home, I want my shoes OFF. I want to be comfortable. I want to relax. I'm home, and I can be just me when I'm home.

Let your son take his shoes off when he's home. Let him relax. Let him be comfortable. He has expectations of behavior everywhere he goes outside of the house, and that's a lot to ask of a child - especially a 2 year old. Don't insist on the same expectations when you're at home. Help him out, but also let him be 2. Let him be messy sometimes. Let him get away with not doing all the things he's expected to do everywhere else. Let him be comfortable.

[tbone_kneegrabber]

At ds's school they clean up a set times (before circle time, before lunch, at the end of the day). They don't clean up when they are "done" with the toy and have moved on to something else. And then everyone (teachers and parents who are there clean up too). This really helps the kids particpate. They don't have to spend all day cleaning up (as in doing in all day long) they do it in spurts with everyone working together.

I know at our house if everyone is cleaning (and we are 7 adults and ds) ds is way more helpful and wants to be part of the action, but if I want him to clean up a mess he made by himself or with just help from me, he's not interested.

[sgmom]

My 15 month old has been helping me clean (well, sort of) since before she could walk. Today she helps me sweep, wash the kitchen table (give her a wet cloth and she'll wipe just about everything down!), clean up her room (clothes mostly, she LOVES hunting for socks and putting them in the drawer) and her toys (living room), things like that.

I'll often ask her for her help (yesterday she helped me reload the kitchen cupboards by bringing me cans from the pantry, but she INSISTED on putting the cans away herself), and I'll help her clean up her toys. Sometimes I can direct her from the couch (there's a sock over there! Pick it up and put it away! Don't forget to put your blocks in the basket!) and she'll do it, but if I ask her to help me then it's only fair that I help her too.

She's only 15 months old, but she really seems to enjoy helping. I don't force her to do any of it, but I'm certainly not going to do it for her if she's offering to do it herself.

I think it makes her feel special to be involved. I NEVER push or bribe and the only "rewards" she gets are high fives and comments like "The table is so clean now! Thank you for wiping it! (or thank you for your help)", maybe with a kiss on the cheek. She definitely seems to take pride in what she does, and sometimes she'll do it without being asked (or without noticing that I'm watching).

It's a different story going from 15 months (when they WANT to help) to 3 years old, but my point is that even at this age, they're very capable.