Helping a long time friend who is now a single dad.. need to know the "rules " on bedroom sharing

[Kailey's mom]

Is it ok to put a 9 yr old little girl in the same room as her brother, who is 7? They are used to sleeping together, and since separating bedrooms, kindof.. they both sleep on the couch. They are going through alot right now, and feel insecure IMO. It's a small 2 bedroom house, with a backroom that we kindof made into a bedroom for the 7yr old. Figured that the 9 yr old at least needs the door to shut

The house consists of a livingroom, when you first walk into the house, to the right is the kitchen. Straight back is the back room, than when you turn from the living room to the left, there is the bathroom and the 2 bedrooms.

They also have 2 big dogs, one small dog.. not house trained, but the kids are very very attached to the dogs.

The mother, who moved out, was a horder.. so there is STUFF everywhere. No, you can not see the floor in any room. The laundry room is outside, attached to the carport. I think the house inside is around 850 sq foot inside.

My thoughts were to see if we could find some bunkbeds, and move the kids back into the bedroom.. than find a good use for the backroom.. toys, kitchen table, etc.

This family needs help, and Im' trying to be creative, so I don't do much to create anxiety by change.. but incase there is "spite" seeing how this family is leading to divorce.. I want to help my friend have his house in order, because as of now, if DCF came in.. it would NOT pass.

Thanks for any suggestions.. and also, if this needs to be moved, please move this to where it belongs. Thanks!

[jillmamma]

I would think as long as the kids are fine with it, I would have no issues with that. If she wants/needs privacy to change clothes, she could always close the door or do it in the bathroom. My DS (7) and DD (4) are still sharing a room right now. In their case, they still don't care about privacy though, as noted by DS running around the house in his underwear earlier today. They like talking to each other for a few minutes before going to sleep, and if one has a bad dream, having the other nearby reassures them. I would think they might want to have separate beds though, especially as they get bigger, so the bunk beds would be good. How thoughtful of you to try and help them out!

[noobmom]

I believe the "rule" is that children of a certain age and opposite sex need to have separate bedrooms for appearance's sake, at least. If they choose to sleep together on the couch that's fine.

I think setting up a bed in for the father and son to share a room and a bed in the second bedroom for the girl would be fine. And then everyone could sleep wherever they liked.

[luv-my-boys]

I think that each person having a designated sleeping space is a good idea especially if later there may be questions raised say if the dad is seeking custody. In appearance they at least have their own bed, but having children of similar age I know that sometimes you play musical beds Cleaning the house at least of clutter is another important step. Even if its just boxing the things up so that it appears less cluttered and then slowly going thru it one box at a time.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by noobmom

I believe the "rule" is that children of a certain age and opposite sex need to have separate bedrooms for appearance's sake, at least. If they choose to sleep together on the couch that's fine.

I think setting up a bed in for the father and son to share a room and a bed in the second bedroom for the girl would be fine. And then everyone could sleep wherever they liked.

This would work out perfectly!!! Thank you.

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by luv-my-boys

I think that each person having a designated sleeping space is a good idea especially if later there may be questions raised say if the dad is seeking custody. In appearance they at least have their own bed, but having children of similar age I know that sometimes you play musical beds Cleaning the house at least of clutter is another important step. Even if its just boxing the things up so that it appears less cluttered and then slowly going thru it one box at a time.

That's exactly why, when we first started helping out, we separated the kids. If DCF came in, I thought they would have a fit over it.. Dad is going to seek custody. Next time I go over to clean, I'll bring some boxes, and I'm going to try to find a dog kennel on freecycle or something, so the dogs aren't peeing and pooping all over the place while they are sleeping, or not home. Thanks so much for the advice!

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by jillmamma

I would think as long as the kids are fine with it, I would have no issues with that. If she wants/needs privacy to change clothes, she could always close the door or do it in the bathroom. My DS (7) and DD (4) are still sharing a room right now. In their case, they still don't care about privacy though, as noted by DS running around the house in his underwear earlier today. They like talking to each other for a few minutes before going to sleep, and if one has a bad dream, having the other nearby reassures them. I would think they might want to have separate beds though, especially as they get bigger, so the bunk beds would be good. How thoughtful of you to try and help them out!

The kids are used to being together.. and with all the stress they are under, they just seem to be clinging to eachother more.. hence why they are both sleeping on the couch in the living room. It's a very sad situation Seperate beds definitily, but as long as they can see eachother, all will be well.. and as long as the house ""looks"" good for DCF, if they end up getting called during the nasty divorce process.. that would be good too =D.

[Jackies Ladybug]

i would keep a bed in the back room, put bunk beds in the girls room and box up everything that isnt the dads, girls or boys.
that way, they can sleep together in the one room but it will have a decent appearance of having a separate bedroom for each child. i would have the boys room also be the play room so that the toys are all in one area and easy to clean up in a hurry.

how amazing of you, i am sure the dad is so happy to have you in his life.
the crates are a really good idea, you can get crates and bed frames for cheap on craigslist right now since it was just christmas.
good luck, let us know how it turns out and if its ok we want to see after pics!

[Kailey's mom]

Originally Posted by Jackies Ladybug

i would keep a bed in the back room, put bunk beds in the girls room and box up everything that isnt the dads, girls or boys.
that way, they can sleep together in the one room but it will have a decent appearance of having a separate bedroom for each child. i would have the boys room also be the play room so that the toys are all in one area and easy to clean up in a hurry.

how amazing of you, i am sure the dad is so happy to have you in his life.
the crates are a really good idea, you can get crates and bed frames for cheap on craigslist right now since it was just christmas.
good luck, let us know how it turns out and if its ok we want to see after pics!

I'm sure he'll be fine with it, as long as he knows where I'll be posting the pics. I really highly doubt that the mother is a member here.. I am sure she is not; so I can get some before and after pics Great idea! Definitily been scanning craigslist lately.. It would be SO FREEKING AWESOME if I can find a great deal on some bunk beds = D.. I'm sure I can, I find about everything I need on craigslist or freecycle.. GOTTA LOVE IT.

Dh has known the father for 15 yrs. I have known him for 17 yrs LOL... We're like family.. although we had not seen him, or the kids, in 4 years, except for a quick hello while driving by, or at the store.. but we never knew why, until recently.