Which do you think would be best for a toddler?

[Butterfy Baby]

My daughter has only known attachment parenting. She is 2 1/2. We co-sleep, breastfed until she weaned herself, baby-wear, etc.

I'm a single working mother and family has cared for my daughter while I've worked. I will be starting school in January and will need additional care for her, 2 days per week. The family members that currently watch her will not be able to care for her on my school days. These are the options:

1.) My girlfriend can watch her for 3 hours until her daughter (3 yrs) gets home from preschool. (My daughter would have one-on-one with my girlfriend until her daughter returns). The girls would only play for 1 hour, until I return.

2.) Send my daughter to preschool (private religious school) with my girlfriend's daughter. My daughter is 6 months younger but they would be in the same class. Then, go home with my friend until I can get her.


Family members are telling me that my daughter is too young for preschool. My daughter is a social butterfly and IMO would love and benefit from preschool. To the best of my knowledge, the "preschool" isn't much like "school" but more socializing (story time, singing, playing, etc); a daycare with more structure. Preschool hours are 3 hours/day, 2 days/week (perfect with my school schedule).

Is 2.5 years too young for preschool? Should we stick to more of a one-on-one situation with her? WWYD if you were faced with this decision?

[ellairiesmom]

Hi there,

I am at home & haven't had to look into care options, but I wanted to give you some feedback based on seeing my niece & nephews experience. My bro & sis in law both have to work & are living at home with my Mom who is an RN & works 12 hr days. My sis in law works for a daycare/preschool & has been there for 8 years. Her Mom is able to help out a couple days a week with their DD (3) & DS (1) but they go to school with her the rest of the time & each started doing so around 9 mos. They aren't allowed to be in her actual "classroom" so for all intents & purposes, they experience the day like any of the other children. They spend the day playing, doing TONS of craft projects (my mother's cabinets, fridge, kitchen walls are covered in the most adorable arts & crafts), having story time etc. My nieces language skills are amazing & she is very social & well adjusted. It has been such a great thing for both their kids & I can see our DD picking up skills & speech from my niece all the time.

I think either option is great for the social aspect. Since your DD gets time with just family, she might really love going to her "school". But if you see it being way too much for her to adjust to because of the AP parenting she is used to, it is nice to have the option of your friend.

Can you try it out & see how she does?

And KUDOS to you Mama...going to school & being a single mama is an awesome accomplishment.

[etsdtm99]

i would just go with the school.. with the option of pulling her out if you think she is having a hard time adjusting, or seems over stimulated or anything like that.. chances are it will be good for her and make the time while you are away really enjoyable for her

[Lilygoose]

I would go with the school. My daughter (14 months) is also a social butterfly and loves her daycare/preschool! She started around 6 months and at the time I was miserable at the thought of taking her there, but I work and my MIL, who watched her for those first few months needed to watch my SIL's new baby. We chose our daycare carefully, and felt confident about it. My schedule allowed me to stop in for a half hour or so most days and I would play with her there the first year, but this was primarily for me because she took to it right away. Now she is in the ones room and they do a lot of preschool type activities with her (circle time, signing, art, a mix of structured and unstructured play) and she adores it. Every morning she gets her coat and wants to go. When I leave her she smiles and tells me bye-she is also very happy to see me when I pick her up or I might be heartbroken about how easily she leaves me. I have been so suprised by this because I really believed that it was better for her to be at home, but for her this works great and she really enjoys being with the other kids and staff.

[COgirl19]

My DD started preschool at 2 years 4 months. She had stayed at home with me before that with the same AP style parenting. I wanted to return to my career and was worried about the transition. The first week or two was rough but now she LOVES school and has really thrived. She is dragging me out the door every morning. She has gotten more independent, her speech is extremely clear and she has learned a ton. So, that is my experience, I think if you find the right school she will do very well. It will be a transition but it gets better.

[Kim919]

Originally Posted by etsdtm99

i would just go with the school.. with the option of pulling her out if you think she is having a hard time adjusting, or seems over stimulated or anything like that.. chances are it will be good for her and make the time while you are away really enjoyable for her

I agree. If you think she would enjoy it it sounds like a great opportunity.

[WannabeaFarmer]

I agree with the school option. We tried school for our DD when she was that age. The first school we choose wasnt a good fit. Then we found a private in home school setting. That was a good fit for awhile, now she is in a Co-Op private school three hrs per day and three days per week. Her social skills have blossomed two-fold! She was a bit introverted and the private home care setting helped prepare her for the Co-Op school and now she is flourishing.
Testing the waters is a great idea!
Kudos from me as well, single parenting and school is an awesome accomplishment!

[FiberLover]

Another vote for the school . It sounds like it could work really well in your situation and if she loves socialization, this sounds like a great opportunity to do more of it two days a week!

[4Jet]

If you can afford it, go with the preschool. The thought has crossed my mindmany times to have DD go to preschool at 2.5 for the social reasons, not necessarily formal education. If it doesn't work out and your friend is able and willing, go for it but have a back up plan.

[K-Mom3]

I think you could just consider the preschool a kind of day care. A lot of good day care centers have excellent preschool curriculums anyway and you need child care right then....

[tbone_kneegrabber]

Ds started preschool at 20 months because my class schedule changed so that I needed more childcare. Typically he loves it, some days he cries when I leave, some days he runs off and play immediately.

I really love and trust his teachers, which is the most important part of the situation for me. I know they would call if he was really unhappy one day (they have in the past, for my kid and others). And I know they care about him and want him to succeed. Knowing that he is surrounded by people who care about him and that he is safe, makes me able to leave him even on the days that he is crying.

[The4OfUs]

I'll be a voice of dissent and say that at 2.5, if you have the option for one-on-one care and it's the same price (or hopefully less), I'd go for the one-on-one. Even 6 months at this age/stage is a lot of growth and development, and I think kids benefit from one-on-one or very small group care situations (like 2, 3, 4 kids like a sibling group more likely would be) when they're this young, even very social little ones. I don't think the preschool will *harm* her at all, you just asked for opinions and this is mine. I'm a fan of the "Hold On To Your Kids"/Neufeld approach where peer orientation and interaction isn't emphasized or encouraged, and I feel like starting a group care/"school" situation at 2.5 if you have other options available isn't a great idea. Obviously if you didn't have another option available you'd make whatever the situation was work, but since you do have the opportunity to keep her in one-on-one care, I'd do that, at her age, and send her to preschool in the fall. My very social, very outgoing DS didn't start preschool until 3-3/4 yrs, and had zero problem blending in from being at home with me into a school situation. IMO 2.5 yos do not need to be regularly entertained and socialized as many mainstream sources would have you think...just BEING and exploring life on their own is of great value.

Good luck with your decision!

[Butterfy Baby]

Originally Posted by The4OfUs

I'll be a voice of dissent and say that at 2.5, if you have the option for one-on-one care and it's the same price (or hopefully less), I'd go for the one-on-one. Even 6 months at this age/stage is a lot of growth and development, and I think kids benefit from one-on-one or very small group care situations (like 2, 3, 4 kids like a sibling group more likely would be) when they're this young, even very social little ones. I don't think the preschool will *harm* her at all, you just asked for opinions and this is mine. I'm a fan of the "Hold On To Your Kids"/Neufeld approach where peer orientation and interaction isn't emphasized or encouraged, and I feel like starting a group care/"school" situation at 2.5 if you have other options available isn't a great idea. Obviously if you didn't have another option available you'd make whatever the situation was work, but since you do have the opportunity to keep her in one-on-one care, I'd do that, at her age, and send her to preschool in the fall. My very social, very outgoing DS didn't start preschool until 3-3/4 yrs, and had zero problem blending in from being at home with me into a school situation. IMO 2.5 yos do not need to be regularly entertained and socialized as many mainstream sources would have you think...just BEING and exploring life on their own is of great value.

Good luck with your decision!

You've made good points. I'm still very torn. The school opens tomorrow and I will go and talk to them about questions I have.

My daughter is a very advanced 2.5 year old, imo. I know 4 year olds who aren't anywhere close to my daughters knowlege and verbal skills. She's not gifted, but I believe she is very advanced. Putting her in a class with 2-3 year-olds might not be a good idea. I don't want to dumb her down, yk? She knows colors, shapes, can count to 10, sing her ABC's (and 6 other full-length songs, word-for-word. My daughter has a 3yr old and a 4 yr old friend. If an incident occurs between the three (a sharing problem, aggression, etc), my daughter is the only one who can verbalize what happened. They other two just cry, grunt and/or point. I don't want my daughter surrounded with that at school.

I'm just not sure if school would be beneficial or "harmful" at this point. I'll see how I feel after I talk to the teacher tomorrow.

[Umpqua]

I wanted to share my own experiences, fwiw. My son just turned 3 and has been in preschool since September. He goes 2 days per week, for about 4 hours each time. He was previously only home with me and his younger brother during the day. I would also say he's ahead of many of the kids in his age group, especially with verbal skills and comprehension. Anyway, I've seen wonderful changes in him during the few short months he's been attending. He was already very outgoing, but is learning a lot about how to behave and interact in a group setting. His table manners have improved immensely, as has his overall behavior in public and around family. He just seems a lot more aware of other people and how his behavior impacts others.
;
'And he's working on writing letters and drawing pictures, which he wasn't interested in before, as well as throwing and catching and playing games with rules. This is all new territory for us. Overall I think it's exposing him to situations and opportunities he wouldn't have staying home with me, so for us it's been a very positive experience.

[The4OfUs]

Originally Posted by Butterfy Baby

My daughter is a very advanced 2.5 year old, imo. I know 4 year olds who aren't anywhere close to my daughters knowlege and verbal skills. She's not gifted, but I believe she is very advanced. Putting her in a class with 2-3 year-olds might not be a good idea. I don't want to dumb her down, yk? She knows colors, shapes, can count to 10, sing her ABC's (and 6 other full-length songs, word-for-word. My daughter has a 3yr old and a 4 yr old friend.

Honestly, I htink academics are the last thing a 2-3 yo have to be worried about, even bright ones. That's another one of my off the beaten path beliefs, that focusing on academics in young kids isn't a great idea. Especially with bright kids, IMO if you do too much academically with them, they're going to be bored to tears by the time they get to 1st grade...and often, academically bright kids aren't always socially advanced too, and could do with the time with peers in that arena (I'm talking bright, not profoundly gifted kids who really *need* that academic stimulation). So I wouldn't worry about her not getting acadmics at the school, or if the other kids are "behind" her or not; in fact, I'd have reservations if they did academics beyond basics like fun games with colors and letters and shapes....if you put her in the school I would do it for social/play exposure only, arts and crafts, and not much beyond that. I don't think that anything that she already knows will be compromised by being with peers who may not know as much. It all pretty well evens out by Kindy or 1st grade anyway for a vast majority of kids.