Feeling Trapped and Isolated at Home

[voxana]

I'm feeling trapped and isolated because
a. ds (7.5 months) screams in car seat.
b. he almost always misses a nap if we go anywhere and then his sleeping routine is thrown off for a few days.

The frustrating part is that both ds and I like to be in places and with other people, but it comes with stress (car seat crying) and cost (missed sleep). He doesn't sleep in the carriers (because he is so interested and stimulated by wherever we happen to be) or in the car seat and so it isn't easy to get a nap while we are out. On good days he takes two naps a day, two hours each nap and then at night he goes to sleep between 7 and 8 p.m.

It seems like I oughta be able to incorporate ds into our daily life, which includes going places and being with other people....

Does anybody have advice for me?

[acupuncturemomma]

That's tough.

I don't have a ton of advice, but I have been in your shoes as far as the car seat hatred and isolation go. DD would scream too, and I hardly went anywhere until she got over it at 12 months old.

My DS started hating the carseat too, and I thought I was doomed, but decided to try switching him out of the infant seat and into a convertible. It has made a night/day difference!

Have you tried changing carseats?

Not sure what to suggest as far as the naps/carrier issue. Maybe someone else will have an idea.

[My3guys]

The idea suggested by the previous poster about the carrier is a good one. I know that my guys had all outgrown their infant carrier by 5 or 6 months (I had really long kids). Maybe the carrier simply is too small for him now and it is time to switch to the convertible seat.

When do you go out? Does your child have a predictable nap routine? If so, just go out around the naps. So, if your child naps from 10-noon and 2-4 every day, go meet someone for breakfast before the morning nap or lunch before the afternoon or even a quick cup of copy before dinner and bedtime. There have to be lots of hours in the day that are not nap time.

Good luck. I remember the isolation of the first couple of months. It was very tough.

[baltic_ballet]

Have you some friends or family members who could visit you?

Do you own a pram? you can face him outwards so he can see what's going on around him and you can leave him in it if he falls asleep.

Try not to stress to much about your routine, it's not going to harm either of you if you have the occasional change.

[sewchris2642]

Originally Posted by voxana

I'm feeling trapped and isolated because
a. ds (7.5 months) screams in car seat.
b. he almost always misses a nap if we go anywhere and then his sleeping routine is thrown off for a few days.

The frustrating part is that both ds and I like to be in places and with other people, but it comes with stress (car seat crying) and cost (missed sleep). He doesn't sleep in the carriers (because he is so interested and stimulated by wherever we happen to be) or in the car seat and so it isn't easy to get a nap while we are out. On good days he takes two naps a day, two hours each nap and then at night he goes to sleep between 7 and 8 p.m.

It seems like I oughta be able to incorporate ds into our daily life, which includes going places and being with other people....

Does anybody have advice for me?

It's a two way street--you incorporate your child into your life but you also have to incorporate you into his life. Work around his naps. Go out when he is awake and return home for naps. That's what I did for years with Erica. With Dylan, I never went anywhere with him without another adult until he was 5. As far as the car seat goes, as pp has said, perhaps it's time to change car seats. Erica screamed every time she was in the car until we turned her around at a year (remember she was born in 1980; car seats weren't even required by law). Turns out, she is subject to motion sickness. And couldn't tell us until years later. I kept car trips to the necessary ones. If nothing else, bundle up, get outside and walk around the block. Go every day if weather permits.

[cattmom]

When mine was a baby it seemed I only ran into mothers who always seemed to be effortlessly out and about. "Oh, my kid loves the car." I think there is a lot of social pressure on new mothers to be like those people.
But my daughter HATED her carseat and always screamed in it. As it turns out, a lot of kids do, and it makes sense - that kind of enforced separation from mom and that sensation of rapid motion aren't exactly feelings anybody is biologically programmed for.
A five minute drive was our maximum range in the car. Looking back, I feel pretty guilty for every time I tried to push it. Every time I did, she was miserable and screaming and I was miserable and panicked. By the end of my maternity leave, I finally realized that our happiest days were spent one on one at home where I could be really attentive to her and develop a routine that made us both happy. Later she outgrew her hatred of the seat, and now car trips are actually fun.

My advice depends on where you live. If you have relatively balmy and dry winter days, and live in a walkable place, I'd try to hoof it, either strolling or baby wearing. If you live in a place with decent public transportation, the bus might be an option. Third option, maybe, is to put the driving burden on people you really want to see. They can drive to your house, and drive, you can put the carseat in back and sit with the babe. That generally makes them feel a little better, although it is not foolproof. I hope that's somewhat helpful.

[daytripper75]

Maybe make some evening time plans with girlfriends? Going out for coffee with a friend or two while your ds is home sleeping might re-energize you.

[Pavlovs]

Originally Posted by voxana

He doesn't sleep in the carriers (because he is so interested and stimulated by wherever we happen to be)

I use a wrap and keep my son's head covered (I tuck it into the wrap). At home I have to cover his head to get him to sleep also - I use a receiving blanket. Yesterday I was at a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (noisiest place on the planet) and he slept for a good 45 minutes while I wore him with his head covered. Maybe that would work for you?

[S.Lee]

Been there. It does get better! as someone else recommended, changing seats helped us alot. If I was by myself I only went on short trips, right after a nap. and I had a bag of at least a dozen toys beside me that I could continuously had back to ds and many times I wore earplugs. It was UGLY. But it got better and now he is a traveling kid-loves to go places. hang in there

[Teenytoona]

I agree with the folks who said to plan outings around sleeping (leave shortly after waking, come home just before sleepytime) and have visitors if you can. Some kids just hate carseats. Really, my DD screamed in the carseat the whole first year, both the bucket and upright. She just hated it, flat out.

to you momma, it's a tough thing, that first year.

[SkyMomma]

Originally Posted by Pavlovs

I use a wrap and keep my son's head covered (I tuck it into the wrap). At home I have to cover his head to get him to sleep also - I use a receiving blanket. Yesterday I was at a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese (noisiest place on the planet) and he slept for a good 45 minutes while I wore him with his head covered. Maybe that would work for you?

My DS2 is like that! I always had to cover his head to get him to go to sleep. Just like a bird.

Both my boys hated the car seat, although DS1 was passionate about it. Like, scream until he threw up. Until he was about 15 months. I only put him in the car if we absolutely had to & if someone else could drive & I could sit right next to him (usually nursing). But I'm a get out & about person myself, so I tucked him into the sling or ergo & off we'd go. He loved the trains (still does), the bus was OK, walking was cool. (He hated strollers too). I am lucky in that we live in a very ped friendly city with excellent public transportation.

It was hard to let go of my fantasy baby who slept in the car while I took him on adventures all around, but once I let go of that & just decided that we weren't using the car anymore, our life was much more peaceful.

I suggest giving up on the car for a while. Perhaps try a Moby wrap or Ergo with the baby facing toward you for naps while your out. Make sure your LO is well nursed, dry & warm, then begin walking quickly & put the edge of your scarf over his head. Try to make plans with understanding friends, who can role with your need to be flexible.

Then decide your priorities for the day/week. Did everyone have a rough night & nap time is really important? Are you going completely stir-crazy & are in desperate need of getting out? With DS1 at that age I made sure that he (almost) always had at least one nap lying down (with me next to him). The other could be on the way out somehwere, skipped, or whatever.

Just know, all this will change sooner than you can believe. Try and find what will work for your LO now, knowing that in 3 months all will be different.

[meemee]

what kind of outings are you talking about?

you may not be able to do the kind of outings you would like to do, but you should not be feeling trapped. even just going out for a walk would be great for everybody.

yeah i had a screamer too. we did the car as little as possible. mostly we walked or took the bus.

what do you do for yourself? with or without baby. your needs. any little thing i tell you will make a huge difference. for me even at my sleep deprived state what saved me was netflix 2 to 3 times a week at night after dd had gone to bed with subtittles on and no sound. i took showers or baths at night after dd had gone to bed. thankfully i had a park nearby so i would go there for dd and me. yeah even as a baby. to just get some adult conversation. i also had friends over whenever possible. or with them on the phone.

however i must say i lived in the midtown area - lots of happenings within walking distance and people. so i never felt isolated. later on when we moved to a rural area for a short time i loved walking thru the farms and ranches. beautiful. however after a while i started feeling isolated.

[BellinghamCrunchie]

I worked around DD's naps at that age (leaving shortly after she woke up, and being meticulous about returning before the next naptime).

We also did a lot of short walks in the neighborhood. Its better than nothing, and did help me feel a little less stir crazy.

[newbymom05]

I'm another one who's all about the naps. My first hated the car seat until about 14 mo. I tried to go out in the mornings (his perky time) and keep it short. I try my best to make sure we're home for naptime. Something has/had to be really special for me to be out at a nap time. It just got better on his own, although for me it was very tough and isolating. My first year w/ DS1 was pretty hellacious, but it did get better and I honestly don't know what I could've done differently. Some kids just hate the car seat.

Now w/ DS2 it's easier b/c they can entertain each other at home and in the back seat, but I still try to go out in the mornings and keep us home in the afternoons, and the first 6 mo I tried to not go more than 10 minutes away. Driving with a screaming baby is no fun.