Rant

[Carlyle]

I was on the phone tonight for work talking about taxes and out of the corner of my ear I heard dd (3) ask dh something about dying. Then I heard him say "it's like going to sleep..." or something like that. Do we NOT have enough trouble getting our dd to sleep already!?!?!?!?!?!

GAAAAAHHHHHHHH!H!!!!!! So of course, on my work phone I have to be obnoxious and call over there--"no, it's not like going to sleep. Nothing like that. All the books say don't tell your kids that." but I feel like I've talked to him about what I've been telling her about death (she's been asking about it lately) and he hasn't been listening. Or at least he's just not doing it my way. Is it so hard to just do it my way?

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but I'm cranky today anyway...

[Violet2]

That would worry me too.

Hang in there!

V

[cappuccinosmom]

Is she afraid of sleeping already? If not, it sounds like he meant it to be comforting. Does he help with the nighttime parenting, and have a good, realistic grasp of her sleep issues?

I really don't think he did anything wrong. Kind of baffled by some of the threads that come up with this same problem. Dad tries to explain a big, complicated issue in a simple way, mom freaks. Dad's the bad guy, or the stupid guy, depending on what mom thinks about what he says.

I totally undersand worrying about how these things will affect your daughter, though.

[baltic_ballet]

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom

Is she afraid of sleeping already? If not, it sounds like he meant it to be comforting. Does he help with the nighttime parenting, and have a good, realistic grasp of her sleep issues?

I really don't think he did anything wrong. Kind of baffled by some of the threads that come up with this same problem. Dad tries to explain a big, complicated issue in a simple way, mom freaks. Dad's the bad guy, or the stupid guy, depending on what mom thinks about what he says.

I totally undersand worrying about how these things will affect your daughter, though.

I agree, I don't think your DH said anything wrong, he explained it in a gentle way.

[Tear78]

N is such an empathetic little girl, and she understands meaty things like this in ways that amaze me. I think if you're concerned that she might take it the wrong way, you could probably talk with her about it and clarify (now that the image is in her head); that going to sleep doesn't mean she'll die, but that we imagine dying might feel like going to sleep. I dunno, I think she might get it. She's a smarty. As for DH, I'm sorry you're not feeling heard by him on this issue. Is it possible that he heard you but just doesn't feel as strongly about it as you? Maybe if you talked with him you could find out better if he just didn't listen, or if he disagrees with what you said and is continuing with "his way." I'm sorry for the strife. I love you!

ps - I know you weren't insinuating that DH is a bad guy, just that you felt frustrated and unheard about something you'd already discussed with him. Maybe he doesn't realize how important it is to you. That can feel so yucky, and I hope talking will help clear it up. Maybe you can agree on a way to explain it that you both like.

[cattmom]

We actually had the same discussion, although it went a little differently - I heard my husband start down this path, and I muttered something "sleep ISN'T like dying" and he heard and immediately agreed with me and changed tactics. If he hadn't been on the same page, I probably would have been mad, too. I've also read that comparing sleep to dying can make a child afraid of sleep. It also irks me that people talk about "putting animals to sleep." What's meant to be gentle may in fact be confusing and harmful.