First labor, first UC, due tomorrow

[inertia]

My due date is tomorrow and I've been preparing to have a UC over the past few weeks. I had initially planned to have a CNM birth in a hospital but the home MW in the area convinced me that that was not going to be as close to the birth experience that I wanted. It was a fake birth center but dubbed itself as one, negating the surgical center that was attached as if it was strictly for backup... I don't want to risk the chance of ending up downstairs (where the surgery part is). My CNMs also told me when they would induce, which were circumstances I did not agree warranted such interventions.

Anyways, I just recently told my mother that I plan to UC unless something comes up and my phone is filled with messages from everyone she has talked to. Its so disconcerting to have this bombardment right in my final hour and it is affecting my confidence. I cried a bit but then regained my power and thought... I can do this, and I am capable of recognizing the signals that will tell me if I can't.

However I am reminded that I have not experienced birth before. I see motivated, educated women here talking about UC, but they are also experienced. I don't have anything to compare birth with other than my dreams and my intuitive nature of what a healthy condition is. I am seeking advice from anyone who has had a UC for their first. I can deal with the family fiasco, I just had to vent a bit. I'm sure you all have faced it before.

I'll have my hospital bag packed, I pray I don't have to use it.

[MsBlack]

You can do this!

Just don't be having conversations with the nay sayers...or listening to messages from anyone who might not be supportive. Read UC stories, cultivate your inner peace and enjoyment....just let it happen, mama, because you CAN

[zoebird]

i had not experienced birth before my UC. we UCed our first.

turn off the phone. if someone comes to see you or you them, if that someone is starting to 'get negative" then tell them that you are thankful for their concerns but you do not want to discuss it with them at this time.

just experience and enjoy your birth. if you need to transfer, you always can. but most UCers and HBers don't!

so just enjoy yourelf!

[prancie]

I believe you can do it! Just remember, don't tell anyone when you go into labor. You don't want someone taking matters into their own hands and calling 911.

[Serenyd]

Obviously you've done your research and no one's opinion is going to sway you, so why listen to them at all. It is wrong for everyone to jump on and criticize you for your choices. Your body, your baby, your birth ... everyone else needs to butt out. Change your answering machine msg to let people know their negative opninons are not welcome!

[inertia]

Originally Posted by prancie

I believe you can do it! Just remember, don't tell anyone when you go into labor. You don't want someone taking matters into their own hands and calling 911.

Wow... so what you've said here has kind of happened. My parents are going to call the cops on me if I UC... Now they are coming over tonight after a long conversation on the phone with their voices shrilled. I can't believe how easily my tail goes between my legs and now I am now trying to find a middle ground and convince myself that the hospital experience could happen for my first. Just so I know what feels right before I risk anything.

Also, I don't have much of a privacy issue. In fact I'd venture to say I'm more of an exhibitionist and liked being watched. I don't know if that'll cross over during laboring, but it is something I think about in regards to laboring among an audience. After making the choice to UC I feel much more empowered to demand that no interventions be made. If I was already planning on doing it myself then I will stick behind that mentality.

Ahh, I just wanted my mother to be there for support after I labored. I never thought she'd say something so selfish. It certainly is hard to face everyone. In the future I'm not going to tell anyone!

[etsdtm99]

i haven't Uc'd, and someone correct me if i'm wrong here but as far as i know the cops/paramedics can't do anything to you, they can't make you go to the hospital etc ....laboring in your home (which is what they would see if they came) is not illegal and if you say you are fine, they will leave. (i heard of this happening to a friend, though i don't know if there are specific laws in other places but it seems like it would be an across the board personal right the laws that are usually broken have to do with someone who is not 'allowed' to attend your birth, attending.)

i have had 2 hospital births, both times i thought i could do it, i thought i could stand up for myself.. i totally knew what i wanted, i knew all the risks to everything and had a detailed birth plan etc. if you can't stand up to your parents and UC you will have a hard time in the hospital too .. its hard to fight the system in labor, it is even HARDER the first time.. i failed at it both times and i will not be going back to the hospital next time because i know i can't stand up to the system.. if you do go to the hospital, go at the last possible min...

i would say tell your parents you have changed your mind and then call them after the birth... if they are anything like my parents they are just going to be grouchy with you now anyway even if you do what they want and you don't need that..

[Collinsky]

I had a UC with my first, and the whole labor went swimmingly. Pain was there, but manageable as long as I breathed through them, didn't tense up, let them wash over me, and remembered that I as strong and it was all going perfectly the way it should.

That said, I had ZERO concept that I would get scared during labor for no reason. The only thing I would change about that birth, is that I would be aware that fear thoughts can creep into even a confident birth, and once they do if you let them take root they grow VERY quickly. Your state of mind in natural labor is unlike any other way of thinking/feeling! I wish that I had known and prepared for fear to creep in, and prepped my Dh for that as well. When the fear popped into my labor, he looked to me to reassure him... which fed my fear. Which fed his. Which fed mine... and then we were calling 911. In transition, when it is VERY COMMON for a woman to become overwhelmed, panicky, fearful. During transition - and someone correct me if I'm wrong - your body pumps up the adrenaline and other chemicals to get you ready for the burst of energy to push out your baby. A side effect of that, if one isn't prepared, can be anxiety.

I always encourage women to UC, regardless of whether it is their first or fourth baby; however, I also encourage women to make sure that they have some way of dealing with fear in labor. Affirmations can be good. A partner (if you have one acting as birth support) who understands that fear doesn't mean something is wrong, and can offer support and affirmation, and perhaps get you grounded in your intuition and out of your head (or give you the space to do ground yourself!) is important.

And on the other side of that coin, don't think that you will be overwhelmed by fear and panic in your labor. You won't. You will take each contraction (or rush, or whatever you prefer to call them) at a time, breathing, relaxing into it, and then it will pass. You will stay in the moment, connected to your body and disconnected from your mind, and if your brain kicks in with some fear thoughts, you will remember that your body is healthy and strong, and that everything is just as it should be.

Two more things: first, throw out anything with numbers on it. That means any clock -- you lose all sense of time in labor, and there's a reason for it. Toss the stopwatch, if you used one to establish that you were probably in active labor. Anything that has a number attached. I will go as far as to say that in my opinion, it is often best to avoid even cervical checks, blood pressure monitoring, and listening fetal heart tones. Many will disagree, and naturally everyone has to do what brings them the reassurance and confidence that they need, but IME numbers of any kind, even those "useful" ones, can be a breeding ground for doubt and worry, because they pull your mind into what is your intuition/body's domain. Please take that FWIW, and if you feel inclined to keep any and all of those things in your birth, of course go for it -- but know they aren't necessary, and may be misleading, misinterpreted, or misplaced, so be mindful of them. Regardless, the clock should be chucked out the window. I offer no asterisks to that one!

And secondly, only call/involve people who are supportive, understanding and helpful. Certainly anyone who will be in the home where you give birth... each person brings their energy with them, and if it is one of worry and doubt, you will be extra sensitive to that when in labor. (EVEN IN ANOTHER ROOM, IME! And I'm not in general a very sensitive person at all ... I certainly never would have guessed that someone worrying in the next room would turn out to be a hindrance to me.) If someone will not react with joy, anticipation, and kind offers of support and help, call them *after* the birth with the joyful announcement. There is no rule of any kind that says you have to call people in labor so they can fret. It's your birth. You bring into it the people and things that are going to make it the safest, healthiest, most beautiful birth possible. If you feel guilty, remember: the birth of your child is a blessed event in the lives of those who love you.... but for you it becomes PART OF WHO YOU ARE. There is no comparison when weighing needs/desires.

Feel free to PM me if you like. I did transfer after my first UC birth, and while my transfer experience was as good as it could be, I still would have preferred to have just stayed home. I've never regretted the choice to UC my first, even though it didn't go exactly as planned.

[craft_media_hero]

Well, I'm not an "experienced UCer" either, but I just wanted to give you some reassurance that you can do this if you're confident and not allowing negativity/fear into your birthing space.

I second what others have said about not telling anyone when you go into labor, not answering the phone, possibly posting a "guard" at the door to shoo away anyone who might come knocking if you don't answer your phone.

I haven't UCd yet. My first was a wouldve-been-UC if I had waited even fifteen minutes to get in the car; I got to the hospital pushing and my midwife was literally there in only enough time to throw down her keys and catch the babe.

I can tell you that even the thirty minutes I spent fighting the LD staff and trying to stand my ground against interventions during the final stages of labor was incredibly stressful and the worst part of the whole experience (even tho I still felt like it was an awesome natural birth). I was smacking the nurse's hands away from my vagina and pulling off the monitor coz it hurt! As soon as I walked in the door, they were trying to make my lay flat on my back (which hurt sooo bad) and hook unnecessary sh.t up to me.

So that may not be what you would experience, but sadly is probably more likely than not. If I had known how close I was and how much less stressful it would've been to just stay home, then I would've done that. Now I do know, which is why I'm hoping for a different experience this time.

If necessary, just smile and nod to your parents and tell them what they want to hear so they'll leave you alone. Then proceed as you already intend. This is your choice, not theirs. Now you are the parent, and they do not get to make this decision.

Good luck! I hope that it works out beautifully for you and your baby!

[inertia]

craft_media_hero, The experience you had in the hospital is exactly what I want to avoid... and I can see how it can easily play out that way. If I'm supposed to turn off my logical mind to have this baby, how will interacting with nurses, being hooked up to gadgets, and being told when to perform incite my logos? I definitely think it will.

I almost feel like this is a major battle between female's intuition and man's science. Of course the man's world that everyone lives in is going to misunderstand my choice. I do believe everything happens for a reason. It took pregnancy for me to become more feminine and convince myself that UC was the better option.

[Collinsky]

Originally Posted by inertia

Wow... so what you've said here has kind of happened. My parents are going to call the cops on me if I UC... Now they are coming over tonight after a long conversation on the phone with their voices shrilled. I can't believe how easily my tail goes between my legs and now I am now trying to find a middle ground and convince myself that the hospital experience could happen for my first. Just so I know what feels right before I risk anything.

You will probably, IMO, be much more vulnerable in this way during labor. Keep that in mind when thinking about where to birth, and who to have in your birth space.

I would keep your plans on a need-to-know basis, and if you have to say "I changed my mind, I am going to go ahead with the original plans," even if you have no intention of doing so, then do that. If you need to word it in some way that makes it not technically a falsehood, then that's fine too. I think that an outright lie is justified in the face of threats and bullying.

There is NO REASON to give birth in a second-rate scenario for your first birth*. That's a myth. If UC is safe, healthy, and right for this baby, then it is safe, healthy, and right for this baby -- no practice birthing is required.

*To those for whom UC is not the best choice for whatever reason, this doesn't apply to you. The right birth for you and your baby is the first-rate scenario.

[onyxravnos]

my son was a planed c/s at 37 weeks so i never labored at all. so my first labor and birth was a UC with DS2

you CAN. be prepared. stop talking to those who are negative about it. avoid the topic, change the subject, just avoid the people if you have to. If needed just smile and nod and walk away.

read books that makes you feel empowered, think positive thoughts. talk frequently to those who support you in this.

[cathicog]

ITA with the pp....also somehting to keep in mind, the average pregnancy is about 41 weeks 2 days. So you may still have a couple weeks of being pg. the preg wheel that many practitioners use, count the first 2 weeks of the pregnancy, even though you aren't pregnant yet, so factor that in, as well. And some women cook thier babies a little longer...The average first time mom labors for 24 hrs (of active labor) so that might be a consideration. It is not illegal to labor at home. It isn't even illegal anywhere to birth at home, or to UC, babies are born in cars and taxis and homes all the time...I would much rather see someone birth at home than a car or taxi... Happy birthing vibes to you...

[L J]

Didn't read any replies, typing fast.

I UC'd my first, with nothing but opposition from those in my family. I went 10 days past my due date, and with every day that passed the negative energy and fear from those around me increased.

I turned my phone off. I told them I was turning my phone off, told them to call my DP if they needed something, and had him screen their calls. I didn't tell anyone when I went into labor. It all happened so fast anything (6 hours) there was really no reason to.

I hope you can find a way to put their fears out of your mind. They are their fears, not your's - and your parents, relatives and friends are not you your responsibility.

You can do this mama! You don't need a hospital birth experience to qualify you for a UC. Your body and your animal-self already knows exactly what to do. You can do this!

[NettleTea]

I UC'd with my first. Everything went wonderfully.

You're family is in no position to decide what is best for you and your baby. Only you can feel, know and decide those things. Don't cower down or give in to them (your family). I wish you all the best.

[zoebird]

first, UC is not illegal. In some areas, CPS might consider it "negligence"--but it is often a stretch.

second, counter threats with threats. when you have the conversation with your family, you might want to bring up to them that if they do call the police/CPS, you will not have any more contact with them and that they will not be able to 'make it up to you.'

with this, tell them that IF they call CPS and CPS decides to take away the baby, it will go to FOSTER CARE and not to them. their grandchild will go INTO THE SYSTEM for the first few days of it's most precious life, and that neither YOU nor THEY will be able to protect that child from any abuse that may occur in the care of STRANGERS.

reiterate that if they even consider doing this to try to force or coerce you--a grown woman and her husband making an informed decision--to decide as they want you to, that this will GREATLY hinder your relationship with them and absolutely inhibit their relationship with their grandchild. *they will no longer have any contact with YOU or their GRAND CHILD.*

third, have a number for a family lawyer on hand (phone book), so that if CPS shows up, you have a lawyer that you can call.if ou have a lawyer who has drawn up your will, tell them that you will be birthing soon and would like to have them on call in case you need them for any legal services (don't go into the facts, just say you might want to retain them in an immediate way).

you might even tell your family, when the are threatening you, that because of their threats, you have already retained a family lawyer and will fight for your rights as the PARENTS of this child.

finally, if CPS shows up, the paramedics or the police, you are under no obligation to let them in. your husband can tell them that everything is fine, that you do not require their assistance, and that you will seek help if it is required.

you are under no obligation to not let CPS into the house; they are supposed to make an appt or have a specific warrant (which the police will have when the police come with them--if they come with them). if they try to push the issue, tell them that you are not going to let anyone in until your lawyer has arrived.

my parents tried to be pushy at first, and my mother mentioned off hand that she would call someone if i pursued that course of action. i immediately said "i'm a grown woman, capable of sound thought and determinign the right course for me; if you do this, you will greatly inhibit our relationship and i would absolutely question whether or not you should be involved in our lives. I'm sure that's not waht you want from this."

she then m ade herself sick for three days, my dad called to get me to change my mind, asked many questions which i answered rationally and thoroughly, he double checked with his doctor friend (in the room at the time--i was on speaker phone), and the doctor say "she is well informed; i agree with her."

and then they were on board. sometimes, you have to stand very tall and firm. you are the parent now, you need to be that from this moment onward. make the decisions, or they're going to think they get to make all the decisions or that your parenting is up for committee approval.

[zoebird]

and ps, i'm sorry that this is happening to you so close to the birth. it's ok to lock the door, turn off the phone, and caccoon in.

move to a place of inner peace (and i'll send positive thoughts your way with this), and many blessings in your birth.

[madeofstardust]

I UC'd with my first a little over a year ago. I don't really have parents myself, but my DH's parents were VERY against it, and I told them I had a midwife! Some people just don't understand that birth isn't a big scary thing, so it's almost like they try to scare you into being as scared as they are.
We didn't call anyone when I went into labor, and my labor was incredibly easy. It lasted 10 hours, almost exactly and I was only in pain for the very last hour. I pushed for 20 minutes, but not actively. I was 19. If I can do this, YOU CAN! Any woman that decides to free herself of the incessant beep beep beeping of hospital monitors and pushy health care workers can do it, with some medical exceptions of course.
Don't let other people put you in a bad head space over something that should be joyful, loving, peaceful and celebrated. It takes a lot of bravery to take full responsibility for your body, birth and baby. If you've made the decision to UC, then don't let anyone tell you that you can't do it. This is YOUR decision!

s

[inertia]

[Being receptive is supposed to be a blessing. I have still been bombarded by family, friends, and now... strangers about my plan to UC. And while my DH is supportive, its turning into fear for him too as we read more midwifery books and find out about procedures that might need to happen, such as inverted uteri and the like. While I've been researching this for the past month, I'm still encountering new information every few days that I didn't know before. I think if I had planned to do it this way a few months ago I would feel a lot more sound in my choice to go for it. This is the biggest red flag for me. And I know we're all about trusting our intuition here.

In informing myself about the birth, I encountered some evidence that taught me to be aware of that which I am oblivious to. I just took the LSAT and scored below what I wanted. I didn't study enough. While I'm satisfied enough with the result, I know there are things that I should have done to succeed. When it comes to birthing, I don't want to find myself in the situation where I "should've" done something that I didn't.

Most importantly, I don't feel like a failure. I feel very strong and I'll give my birth story soon to discuss how effectively I am able to say no to every single one of their procedures. The only ones that I want are fetal monitoring when I request it and oxygen. I'm in the final hour... blessings mommies and mommies-to-be

Edit note: .... But I may still "be late to the hospital" if the universe's flow decides that is what is best ;D