Muslim Mamas 2010 - Page 9

[kangamitroo]

children's books

i'm looking for a high-quality children's book of stories from the Quran, in English. i saw The Greatest Stories from the Quran by Saniyasnain Khan a islamicbookstore.com, but i have not seen it in person....hard to tell if it is well-written.

i am especially interested to find a book that tells the story of Isa and Maryam from a Quranic point of view. i want my daughter to be able to talk with her schoolmates about the differences.

does anyone have recommendations? thanks very much.

[youngspiritmom]

Originally Posted by kangamitroo

i'm looking for a high-quality children's book of stories from the Quran, in English. i saw The Greatest Stories from the Quran by Saniyasnain Khan a islamicbookstore.com, but i have not seen it in person....hard to tell if it is well-written.

i am especially interested to find a book that tells the story of Isa and Maryam from a Quranic point of view. i want my daughter to be able to talk with her schoolmates about the differences.

does anyone have recommendations? thanks very much.

My son got the book you are referring to as an Eid Gift from a friend this year. The illustrations inside are beautiful -- all watercolor. Each story is about 3 paragraphs long, so great for kids that are a little older. The text is clear and the overall feel/look of the book is very professional....here's an excerpt from the Isa and Maryam story:

Food From the Heavens:
"One day when Maryam was praying alone in her prayer-niche, Allah sent an angel to her in human form. Taken aback she said, "May the Merciful defend me from you! If you fear the Lord, leave me alone and go your way." "I am the messenger of your Lord,
replied the angel, "and have come to announce the gift of a holy son."

Maryam later gave birth to a son whom Allah had already named Isa ibn Maryam (Jesus, son of Mary). When she returned with the baby, fingers were pointed at her, but she simply pointed to the baby who performed his first miracle...." etc.

Hope this helps!

[youngspiritmom]

Hi Mommas,

Does anyone else out there have a spouse who doesn't share financial info? I'm a SAHM and my DH pays the rents, bills, and gives me a little every month but the rest goes into savings that I don't have access to. I don't know how much is saved. I'm concerned about this and would like to know if anyone in the Muslim community has a similar set up as mine.

I just posted about this issue here in the Frugality and Finances Forum/Thread but didn't want to mention being Muslim there because I didn't want to characterize my situation as a "Muslim" situation.

Please respond either in that thread or here, or PM me. Thanks.

[youngspiritmom]

Just wanted to clarify the above post. I'm not concerned in an I-don't-trust-my-husband kind of way. Just want to see if there are others out there that this system works for or with husbands with similar financial philosophies.

[Herbal Ummi]

Me! My husband takes care of all of the bills...I don't even know how much money he makes, to be honest. On the other hand, I have my own money as well, and I don't always tell him how much I have (SMILE)!!

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom

Hi Mommas,

Does anyone else out there have a spouse who doesn't share financial info? I'm a SAHM and my DH pays the rents, bills, and gives me a little every month but the rest goes into savings that I don't have access to. I don't know how much is saved. I'm concerned about this and would like to know if anyone in the Muslim community has a similar set up as mine.

I just posted about this issue here in the Frugality and Finances Forum/Thread but didn't want to mention being Muslim there because I didn't want to characterize my situation as a "Muslim" situation.

Please respond either in that thread or here, or PM me. Thanks.

That wouldn't really work for me so I can't speak from personal experience directly, but I can speak from the experience of widowhood to the importance of knowing what your household's resources and responsibilities are, where they are located, and to have access to them. It doesn't take something as dramatic as a death for that to be made evident ... illness, injury, or really any sort of family emergency can put you in a position of needing to understand your household economy, and the time of being in that position is really not the best time to be learning. From that widowhood experience: had I not known what money we had, to whom we owed and when, and what money we were yet due, it would have made the practical aspects of an already difficult situation exponentially more difficult.

[umsami]

In the beginning of my marriage, my DH and I each had our separate accounts. He paid the bills for our joint apartment, and I paid the ones for the home I bought when single. Over time, we merged into one--especially as I'm a SAHM.

I think your DH is putting you and your child in a potentially bad situation should anything happen to him. You would not be able to access any bank accounts, etc. just to pay normal bills. At minimum, you need a joint bank account which contains at least an emergency fund (6 months of living expenses if possible) in it. If you guys don't have that sort of savings (we don't, but are hoping to ISA).... then some amount. I don't know anything about your DH, but I can tell that my DH is Egyptian and the financial reality of life in America was a bit of a shock. Heck, the concept of property taxes was a shock. Your DH may assume that you'd automatically get access--and quickly, but that's not the case. Also, anything in there could be subject to taxes, etc.)

I think it's probably a trust/control thing on the part of your DH, although it could be ignorance. I hope you can resolve it with him.

[AutumnSunshine]

We have a joint checking for family expenses, I have my own rarely used checking account should I ever have any personal money and dh has a checking account with only his name on it which is used only for his mother to withdraw money for herself overseas (we are her sole source of support). If my husband had any other accounts, especially a savings account or anything else into which family money goes, my name should be on it. My name is also on ALL family property such as house, car, retirement account, etc.

Oh, I should also point out that the Islamic position on such matters is that a woman can basically say "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine too." but her husband cannot say the same. So everything the husband owns is automatically "family property" but anything the wife owns is automatically "hers only".

I agree with the others above that in case of emergency you should be fully informed of EVERYTHING. Documents should be kept in a safe place where you know how to get them, you should know pin numbers, have your name on stuff, etc.

[1jooj]

We also started with separate accts, and dh would give me $$ for monthly bills. As time went on, we got joint everything, and I've always taken care of all the bills and such, so I am pretty aware of our financials. We use a joint acct but I transfer money into a checking acct in my name where I have our bill pay system set up. I leave very little in the joint acct. I'm aware of how odd that sounds, but dh has historically been really bad with money. This way, whether or not I think an idea is great, I have to be involved in executing it, so I am always aware. I think dh would agree I make a good financial partner. I am willing to compromise, but it is my job to protect our resources. He also travels extensively, so it only makes sense that he needs to trust me to keep up with bills and such.

If I didn't know where all the info was, I would probably feel less secure about things. It's not as though I check retirement account balances or whatever and have a burning interest, but if anything would happen, I'd have an idea where to begin.

[youngspiritmom]

Very interesting responses. Thank you all for sharing, I really appreciate it. I know that my husband has a savings account, an investment account, and a checking, and which banks they are through. But I dont know how much is in them, how to log on, etc. My name is not on the title of the car. In fact, my name used to be on the savings account but my husband took it off. I really want to have shared finances, but it is not my husbands style. He is very protective and his father was even more private. I think he was raised to believe that you do not share info about money, or even keep track of balances, because it takes the blessing/baraka out of it. Even with your spouse.

I really don't know how to approach getting my names on the accounts or getting him to write down all the info on an emergency sheet/folder. I don't think he will comply. I feel stuck.

Also, I have encouraged him to get life insurance, but he does not like the idea. Thoughts on this?

I am not trying to diss on my DH, who I love dearly, I am just trying to navigate a way for us to discuss and be on a good level with finances.

Thank you and God bless you

[umsami]

I've been trying to get my DH to get life insurance for the past 8 years.

It actually worries me a lot. If your DH was raised in a Muslim country, then he probably believes that life insurance (actually any insurance) is haram.

There is a position paper on life insurance from the Fiqah Council of North America which says that term is O.K. Unfortunately, it hasn't done much to sway my husband... nor has a friend who is in Islamic banking.

http://www.fiqhcouncil.org/Articles/...1/Default.aspx

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom

I think he was raised to believe that you do not share info about money, or even keep track of balances, because it takes the blessing/baraka out of it. Even with your spouse.

If your spouse's motives are religious in nature, my best advice would be to seek the counsel of a sheikh who is well-versed in Islamic finance and/or rulings related to family life. Though frankly the above ... particularly the part about balances ... reminds me mostly of those occasional Muslims who would suggest it is un-Islamic to stand in line in wait for fear of giving an impression of attempting to predict the future. Which is to say: nonsense.

[youngspiritmom]

Originally Posted by Liquesce

reminds me mostly of those occasional Muslims who would suggest it is un-Islamic to stand in line in wait for fear of giving an impression of attempting to predict the future. Which is to say: nonsense.

I have NEVER heard of this before in my life! I'm shocked! Definitely nonsense. How would anything ever get done??? LOL

No...my husband is not that type of person. To be quite honest he is very generous and very moderate in most things in life. But with the money thing, I don't think he feels he has Islamic justification that this is the one and ONLY way, but I do think that he feels it is a very good way.

We usually DONT use Islamic rulings/fatwas to settle arguments because it the past that has turned into fatwa-slinging and we didn't like the vibe of that.

Without putting too much info on the web, I will say this: my husband's father was a refuge from a very poor country, who in his lifetime became worth A LOT. (We ARE definitely not millionaires though lol -- that money has gone to many good places and all our money is what we have made ourselves). All through halal means. His father was a "spiritual advisor" to a member of an Islamic royal family, but also a restaurant waiter, a teacher, and many other professions....so anyway, they were raised really to believe that all money was a result of hard work and God's blessing. And they NEVER counted it, or shared how much was in the bank, because they believed that it was better not to "track" God's blessing. In fact, they used to keep cash inside the Quran, and one day found a Quran in the basement with thousands it in to pay for college tuition......

So. Add DHs history with DHs Finance degree... and I think my husbands financial background is avant garde on many levels here. So it's kind of hard to know where or why the ideas he uses are in practice, and it's hard to try to convince him otherwise.

[umsami]

ysm... are you familiar with non-violent communication? You can take some free classes/learn about it at nvctraining.com I learned about it awhile back, but recently got much more into it through a book called, "Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids" (title may be reversed. ) Anyway, I've found it's not only helpful with my 7 and 5 year olds, but also my DH.

Basically, you talk about your needs and try and figure out the other person's needs etc. and then see if you can meet them. It's all about empathy, etc. I don't practice it anywhere near perfectly, but I still get much better results. It might be something you want to look into which might help you at least understand why your DH believes/acts the way he does.

[youngspiritmom]

Originally Posted by umsami

ysm... are you familiar with non-violent communication? You can take some free classes/learn about it at nvctraining.com I learned about it awhile back, but recently got much more into it through a book called, "Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids" (title may be reversed. ) Anyway, I've found it's not only helpful with my 7 and 5 year olds, but also my DH.

Basically, you talk about your needs and try and figure out the other person's needs etc. and then see if you can meet them. It's all about empathy, etc. I don't practice it anywhere near perfectly, but I still get much better results. It might be something you want to look into which might help you at least understand why your DH believes/acts the way he does.

Thank you Um Sami! This sounds like a great idea. I will get the book from the library inshallah. It sounds like something that could really benefit our family.

[Liquesce]

Originally Posted by youngspiritmom

I have NEVER heard of this before in my life! I'm shocked! Definitely nonsense. How would anything ever get done??? LOL

"Is Standing in Line Islamically Wrong?" <-- Certainly not the only place I've heard that, it was just the easiest to look up on the internet.

We usually DONT use Islamic rulings/fatwas to settle arguments because it the past that has turned into fatwa-slinging and we didn't like the vibe of that.

I wasn't meaning to suggest seeking out a ruling to back you up. Just to suggest that if your husband's sense of things is religious in nature it might benefit both of you to seek some more detailed clarification on what our religion has to say about finances in general and household finances in particular. Perhaps finding a class or book you could share would seem less like trying to prove a point than seeking direct counsel?

[kangamitroo]

bumping. just wondering how everyone is doing.

salaams

[Liquesce]

Boring, which I suppose means good. I hope all is well with you.

[UmmIbrahim]

salaamu alaikum, not too much going on...I am working on getting my shop, Arabian Threads up and going again. I have some new items in and am busy processing them, alhamdullah.
We've settled in pretty well back into the US...Im not depressed anymore-alhamdullah-I'm feeling a lot better. My son is in preschool 3 days a week and loves it.

[kangamitroo]

Originally Posted by Liquesce

Boring, which I suppose means good. I hope all is well with you.

Liquesce, you made me smile. I have started a new job teaching first grade, and I miss having the time to read and study that I used to have. embracing the challenge, and praying for patience.

Hearing some sisters speaking Arabic, I was surprised to find I had tears in my eyes. Big longing to be able to read/speak/understand, and no idea where/how I can make time for this. This feeling really startled me.

UmmIbrahim, I'm glad to hear you are feeling better. Change can be so hard.

Salaams to all of you.